


Paralyzed by the pain of life

by VillianEater



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Anxiety, Confusion, Enemy Lovers, F/M, Formula One, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, References to Depression, Sex, Smut, Trust Issues, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 40
Words: 88,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25579054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VillianEater/pseuds/VillianEater
Summary: Emma Lauda was born into F1 royalty with the fate to carry on her father's legacy. Which included claiming championships to their name, but that would have been so much easier without Max Verstappen constantly challenging her claim to the throne of racing.The Dutchman was her greatest threat because, alongside him, even her best day looked like a failure.
Relationships: Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg, Max Verstappen/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 41





	1. The two-faced stranger

**Author's Note:**

> Hey,  
> well, this is my first fic ever and I'm definitely no native speaker,  
> so I'm sorry, but if you still want to read this fic, there you go.  
> Have fun and let me know what you're thinking.

# Chapter One: The two-faced stranger

Emma always hated that stupid picture, which decorated the wall in Doctor Dorian’s Practice. She wasn’t sure for quite a long time but maybe it was a lemon tree. She couldn’t understand why it was there, when she went to see her therapist, she should be there to talk rather than stare at a picture, trying to figure out what it was about.

“I’ve seen your last race. Was quite impressive, wasn’t it?” Doctor Dorian questioned, causing her to postpone her angry starring until later. Emma tried to find a comfortable position on the sofa while nodding shortly.

“It was okay.” She started with a shrugged. “I started as fourteenth on the grid after a bad qualifying and finished the race as fourth. Which you could say is quite impressive considering that Monaco isn’t the easiest place to overtake.” Emma tried her best to give herself some credit for her work, but it never felt sincere. She felt like she was faking her own happiness in front of herself.

“But you’re not happy?” Dorian asked to clarify, which caused Emma to look down at her hands. Piking on one of her nails.

“It wasn’t a podium.” The young McLaren driver admitted, not looking at Doctor Dorian directly. He had told her so often by now that it is okay to not be happy with the result she got, but it is not okay to beat herself up for it.

“My dad didn’t say anything but he surly expected more. It’s his team after all. … It was alright. Canada must be better though.” Doctor Dorian nodded shortly, before writing something down into his notebook. In the beginning, Emma hated it every time he wrote something down. She felt jugged like back in school when she walked by and the girls scrutinized her with their devalued stares before they stuck their heads together and began to whisper excitedly to one another.

Meanwhile, Emma knew Dorian wasn't aligning her. He means well and does everything he can to help Emma.

“That must be a lot of pressure.” He guessed.

“I’m fine.” The young Lauda answered so fast, she almost fell over her own words. Not facing Doctor Dorian, she knew that he expected her to say something else as well. To tell him the truth behind her ‘I’m fine’ and she did.

“Yeah … well, aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness. The constant, overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.” Sometimes Dorian wondered how an eighteen-year-old could express herself so well, without knowing who she truly was. It amazed him how well trained her fake confidence was.

“The persistent feeling of being under threat?” The Doctor questioned, but it didn’t feel completely right to Emma.

“It’s not just a feeling though, it’s like it’s a panic attack. You know like I can’t even breathe.” Emma said.

“Like you’re drowning?” Dorian offered her a possibility, which hit so close it scared her.

“Yeah.” Emma nodded again, sneaking her arms around her legs, before pulling them against her chest.

“Emma, how do you feel? Truly?” Dorian asked her, which caused the eighteen-year-old to look up at him.

She faced the ugly lemon tree picture again, it somehow helped her to stop the tears. Maybe that’s the reason why it’s up there on the wall.

“Most of the time, most days … I feel … nothing.” Emma started.

Wiping her eyes, she added, “I don’t feel anything. It’s so worrying. I wake up and think … again, really? I have to do this again?” 

The young girl didn’t clarify if she was speaking about life in general or just racing. The debts she felt obligated to pay in order to be a part of her family. To be worth the name that was thrust upon her.

“How about one last questioned for today before we end the session?” He asked the young girl. Dorian didn’t want her to fret over things too much, but he felt like he needed to get this thought inside Emma’s head.

So, he asked his question, well aware, that Emma will think about it until she would come back after her race to see him again. “Do you feel nothing because there is nothing to be felt or because you don’t allow yourself to feel?”

* * *

It was about nine in the morning in Canada, but Emma and her team were still working on the car. She didn't mind though. The young Austrian got all the changes and improvements they promised her she would get after the summer break and being busy with work took her mind off things.

They were doing their final checks by now, which is why Emma was in her drivers’ room, taking a nap. She needed at least three hours of sleep, so she was sure the car would survive qualifying.

Wearing her race suit, she worried her lip in between her teeth. Maybe it was stupid to skip free practice as well in order to get more grip and the temperature of the tyres under control, but she couldn’t change that now. It was Marcus, her chief race engineer’s call after all.

Carefully, she let her fingers wander over her helmet. Fully white with an Austrian flag left and right from the vizier and her name in big red letters around her back skull. All in all, it was a beautiful helmet, even with all these logs.

Emma exhaled softly, she had to get a good position in qualifying. She checked her reflection in the mirror once again, before leaving her drivers room.

* * *

The young McLaren driver drummed the beat of the song she had just heard, while Markus and the team made sure everything was ready for qualifying. They were taking big risks, no testing the car at all was not just a risk, it was fucking stupid, but they had no other choice now. 

"How does the car feel now that you've got all your changes?" Markus asked with a grin after giving the young Austrian some data’s. She looked through it, before passing it along to Matteo. They were working on the car until the first hours in the morning, so Emma couldn’t test it, but it felt better. Just knowing that they changed something for her.

"Definitely better. What do I have to watch out for?" The circus wasn’t an easy one, Canada stressed out a lot of drivers, but Emma was alright. A few turns and relatively long straits, she can manage that.

"Make sure you don't get too far at turn 2. We don’t want you to crash." Markus told her sternly while glancing down on the driver. He loved this car, so she better not fucks it up.

"I already pay attention. Do you think they will name a turn after me?” Her playful cheekiness was back, to cover up her nervousness, but Markus could see right throw it.

"Stop dreaming and make sure we at least slide into Q2." He told her, before settling down in front of his screen, making sure, once again, that the team radio worked.

“She has to get used to it, but she will manage,” Markus promised James as Emma drove her out lap rather slowly, adjusting to the car and the track.

Emma just made it in Q2, but Markus was already proud of her. He patted her helmet as she came back into the garage, before letting another mechanic show him something. 

"I am too slow. I need more time to get used to the car than we thought," she complained when she lost some hundredths, but Matteo shook his head when he arrived next to Emma, handing her the drink and some data.

"You've already left 5 drivers behind you. That’s well enough for now. We don't need a top time, we just have to slide into Q3, yeah?” He wanted to know if she understood, but Emma was by far too ambitious to just slide throw qualifying and Matteo knew. So, he decided, should she make it into Q3, he would make sure she could battle for pole position.

* * *

“Who is the fastest?” The young Austrian wanted to know as soon as she was back into the garage, a place in Q3 save in her pocket and Matteo wanted to tell her, but Markus shook his head in warning. 

"Do it the same way again and get us a good position, we can work with. That’s enough. No power games! We only have one car. We’re clear, Lauda?" Markus spoke after he showed her, her results again. Telling her what things, she has to pay more attention to, before returning to his seat in front of a monitor and the microphone, so he was able to talk to Emma, while she was driving.

Matteo was the one to send her out, but not before he told her quietly, that Hamilton was having the best time. Just four-hundredths of a second faster than her. So manageable to get. “Take a deep breath.”

The out lap was going smooth like before and there was no one in her way, the conditions were the best imaginable. The tyres were at the perfect temperature and even the one turn, which had caused her problems before, went completely as planned. The speed was amazing, faster than they had expected the car would manage.

Markus stared at the screen when he saw that Emma was driving better sector times than Hamilton who was losing more and more time. She was hundredths faster in every sector. Without taking his eyes off the screen, he waved Matteo and James over. "She's faster than Hamilton in every sector."

"What about the others?" James wanted to know excited when Zak Brown appeared next to the mechanic. "Vettel lost in the first sector, as did Bottas. Verstappen messed up the second sector and Kimi and Daniel are under Hamilton's time anyway." Matteo explained nervously.

Everyone stared at the screens in surprise as Emma's last sector lit up purple. She just took pole position.

“We got pole. We got pole, Emma! You did it!”

* * *

Emma trembled with excitement as she screamed with joy as she thanked the team for their great collaboration. The adrenaline racing through her body took over. She was overjoyed when she climbed out of the car as fast as she could, only to be hugged by Matteo and Markus. The young Austrian beamed with joy as Matteo congratulated her. "The car is amazing,” he shouted before helping Emma take off the helmet, neck support and white fabric that surrounded her face.

“Well but, you can’t do epic shit with basic people either.” was all she answered, as someone demanded her attention. Ordering her to stand in between Lewis and Sebastian so they could take some pictures.

* * *

Coming down from the adrenalin, it hit her harder than she thought it would. It is strangely uncomfortable to be alone now. Normally Emma loved to be on her own but know she felt unsteady. Maybe that was the downside of success that Seb had told her so often about, her dad also mentioned it from time to time.

It was a great feeling to be cheered on by so many people even when it was just qualifying, but the harder it was for Emma to be alone again. It was the contrast that broke so many young talents and she was afraid that it would break her as well. But Emma was not a newcomer to this, she had been in the public eye all her life and never knew anything else. It was her life, but still, she wanted some company now. Thinking about someone to call, she nervously bit her lip.

Her friends' hotels weren't even close to her hotel, it would take most of them some time to come over so they could keep her company, which is why she wouldn’t call them at ten o’clock in the night before a race, but being alone scared her all of a sudden.

Max’s room was just down the corridor, she could ask him for some company. But she probably shouldn’t. Emma didn't know how to read the young Dutchman. Normally her talent for observation never let her down, but with Max it was different. He was a mystery and Emma loved to solve them. She knew that he would become dangerous for her and not only as a racer and rival. 

Laying back on her bed, she tried to relax. Tomorrow would be an important day. An opportunity to make sure she wouldn’t be forgotten for a very long time.


	2. Water, the mirror of souls

# Chapter Two: Water, the mirror of souls 

One drop after the other until it sounded like the greatest concert nature could deliver. The rhythm of falling raindrops she would name it. Even when the young Austrian was still a toddler, she loved the smell and the sounds of rain. It’s like wildlife recovers from a long time without a drop of water. Like nature breaths life back in.

Emma watched how the rain got stronger and stronger and she knew she should at least be concerned about it, driving in the wet was far more dangerous but she wasn’t. The rain didn’t scare her, she felt at ease like she always did when it was raining.

The young Austrian driver believed that sleep requires peace in mind and body. She only felt truly at peace when it was raining. The falling drops so loud she couldn’t hear her own confusing mind any longer. Nothing in this world was better than the sound of heavy rain while falling asleep. It freed her.

“I love the sound of heavy rain and thunder on a dark night, I find it so peaceful,” Emma told Fernando a little bit dreamy, as she was leaning against the wall of the garage, her arms crossed in front of her chest and her eyes closed in bliss.

Emma seemed to be completely satisfied in her own little world, which is why the team left her alone. She needed to relax, especially before a race that was as difficult and required as much concentration as Canada in the wet did.

“First time racing in the wet, no? You must be scared princesa.” Fernando asked her, as he took the place next to his much younger teammate, standing at the entrance of the McLaren garage. He was wearing one of the McLaren rain jackets, which he has pulled over his face to make sure not to get wet while standing so close to the open paddock.

Fernando watched Emma from the side until he looked back up at the sky. The Spaniard wasn’t that much a fan of the rain, it made just everything at least ten times harder.

“Yes, but not scared. I feel oddly secure.” The young Austrian told him, looking up to her teammate, which caused Fernando to lay his hand down on her shoulder while scanning her face for anything, but he wasn’t sure what, until his eyes met hers. They were always stormy blue with this charming hint of mischievous green but today all he could see was a deep ocean blue in which a fierce rainstorm was brewing.

“Who knows? Maybe we will witness the birth of a legend today.” Said Fernando, before shrugging his shoulders and accepting an umbrella from one of the mechanics. It was nearly time, so they should walk over to meet the other drivers for the parade.

Emma was about to walk out into the rain without an umbrella, but Fernando pulled her close, so the two of them were walking under his umbrella. “We don’t want you to get sick, no?”

* * *

Crouching down in front of the car, Emma looked over her shoulder, checking if someone paid her any mind. Pleased with her being undisturbed, she laid her hand gently against her car. “I really love you.” She started, even though she felt stupid, talking with her car like that. “So please don’t kill me,” Emma added before she patted the car, shortly and stood up.

The young Austrian knew that it was stupid, but she did it once and now it was kind of a ritual, every time before she got into the car. Just making sure, they were on the same page.

“Emma?” Andrew, her trainer called, which caused her to walk over to him. She knew it was time to make sure her body was ready and warmed up for the race.

* * *

Fuck! Emma restrained herself from kicking the nearest hard surface she saw. Another race ending in a DNF, she was getting sick of this. Emma was out of the race again and she seriously started to wonder if she wasn’t even able to finish.

She couldn’t help the frustration, her team all looked at her with sad, sympathetic eyes but Emma wished they would be angry for crashing the car and would yell, rather than just feeling sorry for her, because Romain drove right into her, pushing her from the ideal line, which was the only dry patch. Sending her and himself off the track and into the barrier. It might make her feel better.

Kiwi walked by her side in total silence, the Aussie knew that she should better not open her mouth now unless she wanted the young Austrian to throw a water bottle at her. Emma would gladly do so. It was a well-known fact around the paddock, that the young girl had quite a temper probably something she had inherited from her father.

To be honest, it was something much worse. Emma was full of rage and fury until her anxiety kicked in. It took her so much strength not to just run around, throw things and scream at the top of her lungs until she breaks down in tears giving in to her frustrations and bitterness.

The young Lauda always tried to remember that she was too old by now to throw a tantrum, even though it was foolish. Emma understood that she was seriously ill, her brain wasn’t like it should be. She was doing so great lately, she just forgot about that when she had a bad day.

Kiwi already knew Emma well enough to realize that it was safer for her to leave Emma alone when she was thinking. She wouldn't really cooperate anyway if she was approached now. So, the older woman simply accompanied her protégé back to the garage where James would then decide whether he would talk to Emma right away or give her more time to calm down.

Seeing his daughter and her PR approach, James already knew that he couldn't have a productive conversation with Emma right now. Therefore, he easily observed her a moment before choosing, that he would talk with her tomorrow.

“Go and cool down before you break something,” James told her serious but quiet getting a hold of her arm, as she tried to storm past her dad. Emma looked at him, her fury still very visible in her stormy blue eyes, but her father only knew too well, what would happen next.

“It wasn’t your fault,” James whispered, so only his daughter could here, despite everybody knew that. The car broke down, because of a problem with the engine, something like that is never the driver’s fault, but he needed to tell her that.

Emma was never an easy child, always a prisoner of her own toxic thoughts. Her mind was a dark and dangerous place when it wanted to be. James needed to make sure he told her it wasn’t her fault. So, his voice would be there to speak up against all the others in his daughter’s head.

It took Emma so long until she could tell her parents about her state of mind, but she did nevertheless, and James was so fucking proud of her for that. Being in therapy for nearly a decade by now helped her making process, she was doing so well, but sometimes when she had a bad day, or something had happened James felt like she was back at the start. Struggling in the dark on her own and not able to ask for any help. Taking more steps back than forward.

He had promised Niki years ago, that nothing will ever happen, so they would lose their daughter again. Hence, he was making sure she knew that it wasn’t her fault and that there was always somebody to help her out of her misery, but James knew that nothing he could do would ever really pull her out of it.

“I'm gonna head back to the hotel." Emma finally chose, but as she detected her father’s uneasiness at the fought to let her go on her own, she decided to take along the at least terrible person with her.

“Andrew's with me.” The young girl added, causing James to nod, who motioned for Andrew to come over. The young Canadian promised to take good care of Emma before they made their way through the paddock and to the parking lots. Andrew told her about one of his ideas for a new training routine, but Emma wasn’t paying any attention. Her mind was far too loud, while her bones and muscles ached.

* * *

Emma never knew why, but some time alone in a gigantic pool was helping her greatly at keeping her anxiety under control. It even went so far that at one-point Niki had a pool built into every house they owned. He doesn’t even use them, they were only for Emma.

It took her a while to get rid of Andrew, who was greatly worried about her and tried to make her eat something and to get the hotel staff to keep the pool closed for the other guests while she was in there before she changed into her favourite bright yellow swimsuit. Now Emma swam one lane after the other as fast as she could. It helped clear her head and her muscles ached in just the right way. She swam her pain and fears away.

The young girl thought about everything that frustrated her. Losing her podium just before reaching it. Caring the weight of a famous name. Being the daughter of a mother, who never wanted her. Stressing about things she cannot control.

With every thought, Emma swam harder, faster. She needed to hide, from the team, from the press, from her family. She wanted to drown and never come back although Emma found comfort in the deep cooling water.

The youngest Lauda felt like she wasn’t worth her seat. That someone else would have done so much better. Her anxiety was fully kicking in by now and she started to feel out of place and unsettled. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘ _I forgive myself for having a bad day.’_ She reminded herself of the mantra her therapist thought her.

The young Austrian was just about to push herself off the side of the pool to swim another lane when someone opened the squeaking door leading into the room of the indoor pool. Breathing heavily, she held on to the edge of the pool and looked up at the person.

“Seems like we had the same idea.” Max Verstappen started, watching the young Austrian a little bit uneasy before he carried on talking.

“Except you make it look like it's part of your workout and not for stress relief." He ran his hand through his hair and seemed even more insecure on what exactly he should be doing now when Emma didn't answer him.

“Oh. It’s stress relief.” She said awkwardly, causing Max to nod. He turned away from her, letting his towel fall next to hers on one of the loungers.

“You had a pretty bad crash there. You’re okay?” He questioned, which caused Emma to look over to him. Max has never before asked her if she was okay. Not even after he caused one of her crashes.

She watched the young Red Bull driver, as he simply looked at her, before walking down the stairs into the water. Narrowing her eyes, Emma mustered him. “You’re nice to me. Why on earth are you nice to me?”

“Why wouldn’t I be? You had a bad race.” Max shot back, wetting his arms while standing on the last stair, so only his lower body was underwater.

“We’re rivals.” Emma clarified. _“Why on earth can’t he just go in the pool completely. So, my face is no longer eye level with his abs?”_ She thought as Max started to laugh.

“You’re not my rival.” He brushed the comment off as if she was a kid trying to challenge him. And then Emma suddenly understood why Max was nice to her and why he laughed. “Oh my god. You're not taking me for serious.”

“Why would I?” Max quizzed further, causing Emma to swim over to him. The pool was rather deep, so the young Austrian had to squeeze herself on the same step as him, in order to face him.

“I’ve seen you as my rival since the day I first competed against you. You pushed me off the track you little shit, so many times. And you’re not even bothered.” Emma said hotly, before splashing water into his face, causing Max only to laugh more.

“That was ages ago.” He answered his hands raised in surrender, which only angered Emma further. “I’ve mostly forgotten bout that.” For her, Max was the enemy since the first time she has seen him, and he didn’t even acknowledge her.

“Wait so during all this time, you’ve never seen me as a threat?”

“You’re a lot but not a threat, Lauda.” Max shot back, very amused by this whole situation.

“How dare you?” She asked indignantly before she splashed water in Max's direction again. Max tried to shield his eyes, before splashing back. Somehow the whole thing turned into a really, little bit escalating, water fight. Emma didn't know who dunked who first, but somehow it felt good. They both laughed like they were both happy teenagers.

Emma wasn’t sure if she’s ever done something like that before. The young girl was always surrounded by grownups, employees, nannies or tutors. A lot of time for friends and a carefree childhood wasn’t part of her busy schedule. Emma was a Lauda nevertheless, which meant she had to achieve certain knowledge, so she would be able to overtake the family business when the time would come.

Therefore, since her sixth birthday, she has been at boarding school during the week and on weekends on the karting tracks of the world, competing against the best of the best in her age category. There was just not much time for other things. That's why Emma spent more time in Spielberg in the summer mansion of the Lauda's than in Vienna, where Niki and James lived most of the year. In Vienna, Emma was always at boarding school, the house there never a home. Her home was the mansion in Spielberg. That is why her father decided to give it to her on her eighteenth birthday.

Splashing Max again with water, he was fast to reach out to her. Capturing her in his arms. Laughing loudly Emma tried to wiggle out of the hold, but the Dutchman was stronger than her. Max turned her around, so he could face the smiling Austrian, which caused him to smile as well.

Arms around each other and Emma's legs around Max's hip. They looked into each other's eyes, the smile suddenly forgotten. Slowly, Max let go of Emma's wrists, which only made her hands slide down before she put her arms around Max's shoulders.

Staring down at her fingers and the way they were wandering over Max’s skin, she felt his gaze on her. Following every movement carefully with his eyes. As Emma stopped at the nape of his neck Max swallowed heavily. There was a gentle movement of his Adam's apple, which captured Emma's attention. With a gentle movement, he slipped his fingers under Emma's chin before lifting it gently upward until his seemingly infinite turquoise eyes met her stormy blues.

God, how could he have missed the uniqueness of Emma's eyes all these years? He always had them in front of him, but today he saw them that way for the very first time. A strong and stormy blue, with a few specks of bold, mischievous green. He really saw _her_ , for the very first time it seemed. And she was beautiful.


	3. Attention whore

# Chapter Three: Attention whore

Kiwi was the one who woke the young Austrian. Hammering loudly against her door. “Good. You’re awake. Andrew is waiting for you.” She told the young Austrian, who had troubles looking up at the woman, because of the sudden brightness in the room. Emma Lauda was never a morning person and even Kiwi will never be able to change that.

“Close the fucking curtains or I’m going to squeeze you, you stupid fruit!” Emma grumbled before she dug herself back in under her blanket, not in the mood to stand up anytime soon.

“Did she just make fun of my name? She called me a fruit.” Kiwi told Andrew in disbelieve, who had a hard time not to snigger. He liked the grumpy Austrian. The girl was hilarious as long as she didn’t direct her sarcasm against him. She was just like he had imagined her to be after they told her whose child she was.

Andrew shook his head before grabbed Emma and the blanket she was snuggled in and carried her into the bathroom. After all, time was running and the young Austrian needed a shower and a good and healthy breakfast, which Emma would never eat without him shoving it down her throat, so they needed some extra time for that and it would also take some time to bring her to the track, where a lot of interviewers would like to talk to her.

* * *

Impatiently Emma drummed with her fingers against the barrier of the parade bus. Another stupid F1 tradition, she didn’t need. Everyone was here on time except Lewis, but that wasn’t something new. The current World champion liked to take his time.

She kept to herself in the beginning. It’s not that she doesn’t like Fernando, it’s just that the Spanish mentality is a lot especially for the rather cold and quiet Austrian. But then she saw Seb not too far away from her and she really liked the German. He was just a sweetheart. Always helping her and giving her advice when she asked for it. He was a very good friend. Even played with her a few times when she was still a little girl. So, the young woman decided to make her way over to him.

"What's wrong with you?" Sebastian wanted to know when he leaned against the reeling next to her.

"Nothing. The car works great, I will beat all of you," she replied without thinking about it, but that made some drivers turn to her who didn't like that statement at all. 

"You're trying to cover something up with your insulting and rebellious behaviour." He said in his matter of fact voice, which Emma hated. "Come on, tell me. Otherwise, I'll start guessing." He sing-songed, causing Emma to hit his shoulder playfully.

"Please don't Seb."

"Who gives you such a bad mood? Some boys? Let us look around! Who would be your type? Charles? No, he is too young. You always liked older men. Ah, Pierre but we know he is to gentle for your liking. Valtteri is too married. Daniel would surely talk too much, but I’m sure you would find something to keep his mouth busy or … Max? Verstappen would be a fine match, wouldn’t he? You always liked the guys with the bad boy image. I’m pretty sure he is one of the rougher once, just like you!"

As always, the German couldn't hold back and spoke much louder than the young Austrian had wished, which is why all the drivers now turned to her. Also, Verstappen and Leclerc, who first looked at Emma before they looked at each other. Emma was not very amused. She knew that Seb was just teasing but it hit to close for her liking.

“Seb?” She asked, without looking up to her German friend.

“Yes?”

“Shut up! Forever if you could manage!” But Sebastian didn't mean to be quiet. He much preferred to know what was going on with Emma, so he continued to ask. After a few minutes, Emma had enough, so she looked up at Seb before asking him a question. "You know Kimi pretty well, don't you?"

"Yeah, why?" Sebastian wondered. Emma wasn’t someone to socialise. Neither was Kimi. So, a perfect match. She kept to herself, only trusting people like Seb and Lewis. People she knew since forever.

"He's called the iceman for a reason, right?"

"Yeah, but I think it's pretty over the top. Kimi is nice when you know him … but first…" Seb answered her, before looking down at her, somewhat smug. So, he was about to say something the German fought was totally cool and funny and surely wasn’t at all.

"… you have to break the ice." joked Vettel as he slightly nudged her with his shoulder, which is why Emma turned her eyes before laughing at Seb.

"That could work." She mumbled before heading over to Kimi. She stopped in front of him, so he looked at her expressionlessly. "You’re the quiet type.” She made clear, although she knew that the Finn knew that.

"Perfect. I can no longer stand Seb's sunshine good mood and his unicorn shit humour!” The Finn nodded in understanding, if he could do something like that at all, so he gave the young Austrian some space so that she could stand next to him.

He ignored her for a while before looking down on her. "Do you like vodka?" he asked calmly what made Emma look up before grinning. "Only Finnish." was her answer, whereupon the iceman nodded barely. "Good answer," he commented when an interviewer wanted her and Max's attention.

* * *

“Urg. He thinks he is so much better than we are!” Charles started as he let himself fall on the seat opposite Emma, which caused the young Austrian to look up before she rolled her eyes in announce.

The McLaren starred down at her pasta while holding one of the carrot sticks in her hand. She gestured with it while playing through a whole possible conversation.

“Hello, Emma. How was your day? Oh, it was quite alright, thank you for asking. Why I sit all alone, eating my dinner? Oh, you know sometimes you just need some time on your own.”

Charles knew that it was probably rude, to just disturb Emma while she clearly wanted to eat without anyone else, but he needed to talk with her. She was the only one, which could understand his anger towards the younger Red Bull driver.

“I’m here to spill some tea, do you want me to go and spill the tea somewhere else?” Charles said before he reached out and took one of Emma’s carrot sticks, chewing on it carefully as one of the waitresses came over to take Charles order. 

Emma smiled at the poor waitress, dealing with all the special requests, which Charles always had, being a Formula One driver and following a strict diet, wasn’t the easiest thing in the world.

“You’re just complaining, nobody would ever trust you with something worth spilling.” Emma started, as Pierre and his trainer walked by, greeting them shortly. The young Austrian was about to just go on an finish her meal, but the pound on Charles face told her, that he really wanted to complain about something, so Emma decided that she would listen to his drama rather now than later. Exhaling softly she added: “About whom are we even complaining?”

“Max Verstappen!” Charles' voice told her that he was clearly surprised that Emma even had to ask. The two had a long history of complaining about Max. In the beginning, they were just children and complained about the Dutchman when he drove them off the track with his kart, but by now it had taken on a whole new dimension. It was something like their hobby.

“Why did I even ask?” She wondered quietly to herself, as Charles reached out again in order to steal another carrot but Emma was fast to hit his hand away. _“Stupid race driver reflexes.”_ He thought while holding his now sore hand. Emma wasn’t in the mood to talk about Max, not now nor in the future. It was simply strange.

“He is such an ass!” Charles told her matter-of-factly, staring over her shoulder, which caused Emma to turn around as well. Max was seated not that far away, next to Daniel and they seemed to have quite a lot of fun. Joking around and playing with their food like little kids. Charles really seemed to be angered by the Dutchman, more than usual, as he told her some more, his gaze still lingered on the Dutchman. “… and so arrogant. It’s annoying how much time he spends with Daniel.”

Emma raised her eyebrow at that, before turning around again so she could face Charles. “And you’re just insufferable because he doesn’t take notice of you or because how close he is with Daniel?” She wanted to know.

“I don’t need him to notice me.” He shot back, way faster than usual. Emma shrugged and finished the last fork full of delicious pasta, before pushing the plate away from her and facing Charles directly.

“Charles you’re a whore for attention. And you’re dramatic enough to really die when you don’t get it.” She told him, very matter-of-factly, which prompted the Monegasque to shift his gaze away from the two Red Bull drivers and really look at the young Austrian for the first time since he sat down in front of her.

“Sometimes I wonder how you manage your life with this cold and rude attitude. Aren’t people offended by you?” Charles started, but before Emma could actually tell him, that it was quite alright because most of the people simply fucked off when she said something like that, he went back to his main topic of the day.

“I mean Dan is such a nice and caring person and we know Max. The real Max. We should definitely safe Dan before something happens. Maybe we should tell him, that Max truly is an ass and it’s just an act.” He told her but Emma just shook her head. She wouldn’t allow Charles to accidentally destroy their friendship, just because he simply tried to help. Being in the world of Formula One for so long, it was hard to have real friends. She didn't want anyone to lose their friends.

Emma knew that Charles truly meant no harm. He was this adorable dork, with this gigantic hearth and kind soul. Charles got hurt so many times in his life, now he wants to spare everyone from getting hurt, even if he sometimes gets too involved in other people private lives. The young Sauber driver thought it was his duty to warn Dan, that it wasn’t his place to get tangled up in something and maybe even accidentally destroy their friendship, never came to his mind.

“You should never be left unsupervised.” She decided after listening to his bizarre plan for way longer than she actually should have. After telling Charles to keep his nose out of other people things, she decided to go back into the garage. They were still a lot of this to do. Most of all reading through data, nothing very interesting to most of the people but Emma loved to do it. It helped her to improve.

Leaving the plotting Monegasque alone, with the thought in mind that she can keep Charles for doing something stupid in the morrow as well and that she should probably call her therapist. Maybe he could take a look at Charles sometime in the future as well. God knows it wouldn’t harm him.


	4. Live for a little while

# Chapter Four: Live for a little while

It was late, very late but Emma was still in the team garage reading through some data from today. The race was alright. Some decent points for the team but still not the win Emma had hoped for. She needed to be prepared when she wanted to score a better place anytime soon. So, Emma stayed to go over her race results, because being prepared was one of the few things talent could not compensate. Even the most talented driver needed preparation, or that’s at least what Niki always told her. James did not agree. But he was glad that his daughter did the extra work to be better than the other drivers. Which in turn made his job easier.

“You never sleep, no?” Fernando wanted to know, as he walked over to her, with a blanket in his hands, which he threw over her shoulder. The cold wind was harsh, even in the garage.

“Barely. But especially not when there is so much, I need to figure out before the next race. I can’t make the same mistake a second time, but I think I found out where I lost a few hundreds.” She told him before she rewound the video of the race a bit and then started again.

"You see? Right there!" Emma pointed at the screen, and after she played it over and over again, Fernando saw it too. She might have braked a few milliseconds too late, so she had to counter-steer harder, which took time. Not enough time for any of her race strategists to notice but still enough time for Emma to see it.

“How can you waste so much time on something like that?" Fernando wanted to know, as he looked over all the datasheets, which were scattered over the metal table, Emma used as her desk. The young Austrian has highlighted plenty of numbers in various colours which all had another meaning, to begin with, but the one thing that really caught the Spaniard's eye was the ugly yellow notebook.

Emma once told him it was such an ugly yellow because she could dedicate it like that by far easier. It had amused him, that the young Austrian was writing down almost everything which concerned the car or racing itself, but she was always by far more prepared in the meetings and briefings than him, but the Spaniard was already a two-time world champion. Fernando didn’t think that he still needed to prepare for them.

But the advantage he had at the beginning with his many years of experience soon dissolved into the non-existent. The young Austrian made up for her lack of experience with hard work and breath-taking talent. Many things Fernando had to learn hard, Emma does because her instinct told her to. She had a gut feeling about how to tread the car just perfectly right that Fernando had never seen before. Once he had heard Helmut Marko say in an interview that it was like Niki was back. His daughter seemed to share this feeling he had for his car. The Spaniard sometimes wondered if the press was right and it was all in her blood.

“I’m not wasting time. I want people to look back at my carrier in awe. I want to be the idol of the coming generations and I want to break a whole lot of records. So, I’m here, working hard to improve and not in some random bar with the other drivers, because, let's face it, most of them will be forgotten before the next ten years are up.”

Emma scrabbled down in her notebook while talking to Fernando, looking up at him every once in a while. The Spaniard always like how passionate and determined the young Austrian was about the things she desired the most.

“How can some so young know so exactly what she wants?” He looked away from her and up at the night sky. It was way past midnight by now and Fernando only came back to get his forgotten backpack, but now he was seated next to his very young teammate and he had to admit to himself that he already admired her. She was going to be a legend if she could survive the lack of sleep long enough.

“My father always says I have an old soul. Don’t know what that means.” She told him, which snapped Fernando out of his thoughts. _“I do.”_ He wanted to tell her, but in the end, he didn’t. All the older Spaniard did was getting up from his seating position, before extending his hand towards the Austrian. Emma looked at him with a questionable expression, which caused Nando to exhale.

“Let’s get you back to the hotel, so you can sleep for more than three hours for a change. And before you say something … you can fuss over the data tomorrow at breakfast or in the plane on the way home as well.” Emma was uncertain until a rather wide smirk played around her lips, freeing her cheekiness.

“You’re talking about getting me back to the hotel and breakfast … are you hitting on me old man?” She casually asked, while she packed her things together and into her backpack. Not at all bothered by the flustered face, Fernando was pulling until he coughed himself.

“I’m pretty sure I don’t want to get involved in that way with you. My girlfriend wouldn’t be so happy about that.” He said, which caused Emma only to smirk wider, while the two of them started their journey back to the hotel. It wasn’t a very long walk by foot until they reached their destination.

It didn’t take Emma fully 30 seconds to realise that almost every driver was gathered around the small bar, as they arrived at the hotel lobby. She looked up at Fernando who was smirking down at her. The Spaniard never planned to bring her to bed, so she could get a decent good night sleep for once. He wanted her to join the others partying. “Let’s live for a little while, huh?”

Emma was about to say something as Daniel Ricciardo walked over and slung an arm around her shoulder, smelling very strongly of booze. “There you are, little one. You’re never partying with us! It’s time you do!” He told her while escorting her over to the table with Max, Carlos and Hulk.

“I’m not legal yet.” She told him, it was a weak try to get out of this, but the Aussie was determined.

“Max wasn’t either when I first got him drunk,” Dan said with a shrugged, before placing a bottle of beer in front of her. Speaking of Max, she couldn’t bring herself to face the Dutch. Especially after what nearly happened between the two of them in Canada. Emma was just glad, that her brain worked well enough for fleeing the situation before anything could happen.

“And you’re proud of that?!” She asked taken aback.

* * *

Excusing herself to the bathroom, Emma was glad to have some time to herself. To be true Emma enjoyed it way more than she thought she would. Talking with a rather hammered Daniel and joking around in her mother tongue with Hulk was quite good. Maybe Fernando was right, and she needed to live a little bit and stop to just survive.

Shortly checking her make-up in the mirror, Emma readied herself to go back to the others, only to see Max leaning in the hall. The young Dutch pushed himself away from the wall to walk up to her. Emma raised an eyebrow in a challenging way.

“Have you been waiting for me in front of the toilets like a total creep?” Emma asked, which caused Max to smile.

“It’s hard to catch you on your own. Canada was fun, well before you ran away.” He stated, standing in front of her. Emma hated that he had a few inches advantage to her.

“Something like this will never happen again. You caught me in a weak condition.” Emma started immediately. She had to accept that Max underestimated her talent as a race driver, but she would never let him think she was weak or easy to get.

“I’m not.” She started, as Max pushed some of her hair behind her ear, but stopped instantly as he touched her cheek. “I’m not that kind of girl,” Emma warned him as she took a step back.

Max may have been a bit arrogant and liked to act up, but he didn't seem dangerous to Emma, she knew him half her life, yet she hadn't allowed him to touch her. Her brain reminded her of what happened the last time someone touched her without her consent.

“Actually, I didn't take you for it.” The older driver said, and Emma believed him. She knew that Max wasn’t one to lie. The media might portray him as an aggressive, stubborn and straight forward man though his turquoise eyes are true and honest.

“Maybe we could be friends.” The young Dutch suggested, which snapped her out of her trace.

“Friends? Is Daniel leaving you behind? Is that it? Looking for someone else to bother?” Max looked offended for a split second, but it was rapidly replaced by his arrogant mask. He looked so much like his father when he wore that mask. It made Emma feel uncomfortable.

“Good night Emma.” He called over his shoulder as he walked away, not bothered to say anything in his defence or to dish Emma’s outrageousness right back to her. Emma watched Max for a little while until he was behind the next corner. Maybe his attentions were sincere, Emma wasn’t sure but she felt bad for rejecting him in that way. More often than not she acted rude as a self-protection mechanism. Max deserved better.

* * *

Sebastian was seated at the bar next to Kimi. Still nursing his second beer, everybody could tell that there was something on the German’s mind, but not even Kimi knew what was up. The Finn didn’t say anything, he simply watched his teammate from the side, while drinking his vodka.

“I haven’t embarrassed her, have I?” Seb suddenly asked, after starring at the wall behind the bat for several minutes, without talking to his friend at all. As the Finn didn’t answer him, Seb turned his head, just to find, that Kimi had no idea about what he was talking. To be true it was a rather cryptic question.

“I’m speaking about Emma.” He clarified, which caused Kimi to nod like he never not knew what Sebastian was talking about.

“She will survive.” Answered Kimi, but Seb wasn’t happy with his friends’ input when you could name it this.

“I really like her. She’s such a sweet and innocent child. I just hope that our world will not harm her too much. I’m afraid I gave the media some ideas about her and other drivers. I was just teasing. I should have thought better.” Seb worried himself into quite a state, which caused Kimi to snort.

He always worried too much about the young drivers. Kimi recalled quite well how uneasy Seb was a Max first started to compete in Formula One. He was worried that the kid would break under the pressure, but Max survived, with a few scars but he lived and so will Emma.

“F1 will not harm her. Her ambitions perhaps. Boys on the other hand …” He suggested, which caused Seb to look over to him again. He never thought about that aspect. Still recalling the first time he had seen the young Lauda. Toddling after her father into the Mercedes garage. Sitting on Nico’s lap, after hurting herself while playing with some tools from the mechanics. Her eyes were puffy red as Michael did his best to make her smile again.

“Boys are stupid,” Kimi added, looking into his glass, swinging it slowly in his hand until a little cyclone arose.

“You like her as well, don’t you?” Seb asked as Kimi downed his vodka, before ordering another one. A small smile crept onto his lips, as he thought about the young Austrian and her fearless and entertaining attitude. Kimi was sure she would be a lot of double in the future but for now, he decided that she was okay. Rather young but definitely okay. 

“Quite a mouth the little one.” He commented, which caused Sebastian to smile. He knew Kimi liked her. Emma was quite bold and very directly, which implied the Finn. She had the potential to stay for a very long time, Kimi knew that but for him, she seemed like a little butterfly behind all these masks and the sarcasm, he just hoped that no one would rip her wings away.


	5. Meant for greater things

# Chapter Five: Meant for greater things

Max never believed himself to be a good person, not really. He had spent a lot of time in his life doing stupid, reckless things and saying words before he thought about them thoroughly. He was hot-headed, immature and an overall menace. That’s what he’d been told, at least.

He lived 20-or-so years of his life with that in mind, the vision of himself created by the regret of acting before thinking. He couldn’t help himself, though, as his tongue seemed to work faster than his brain and often would he say things he did not mean in the heat of the moment.

But asking Emma to be friends with him wasn’t one of these moments. It felt like the childhood he never had tried to fight itself to the surface.

The young Dutch didn’t know why he suggested Emma and himself could ever be friends, but Max felt like she could understand him. Growing up in this fucked up environment she still managed to come out a decent person somehow, maybe he could not _learn_ but find out how she managed that.

Nevertheless, she rejected him. Maybe it was better that way. Max needed nobody.

The young Dutch was standing next to his car, as his father came up behind him to whisper in his ear. “Just make sure you will stand on this podium. We can’t let anyone get into our way, Max.” Jos told his son sternly, before he patted his shoulder, but never affectionately. Jos wasn’t a loving father, his children were just his way to get what he wanted. 

* * *

Emma read over her datasheets before she looked over to the screen. It was her first home race and her stomach kept remembering her.

The young Austrian and her McLaren would start from position five tomorrow, which was okay. They could work with that, it was still a third-row start. Maybe she could overtake Max and Lewis at the start somehow.

“Seems like you’ve out-qualified your teammate again.” She heard a voice behind her, the French accent present, but he would end her if Emma would ever say that to him. He was a proud Monegasque after all.

Emma turned around to face Charles, with a simple smile on her rosy lips. “Don’t say that so loud. I think he actually starts to hate me now.” She admitted, which caused her friend to snicker.

“As much as we hate Verstappen?” He questioned, as the two of them started to walk down the pit lane. Emma didn’t hate Max. She definitely felt something towards him, she just had no idea what it truly was. Maybe confusion.

“Oh ... shush. He is nobody’s favourite person. … What even is that I remember the good old day when you still brought me coffee when you came to bother me.” Emma said, which caused Charles to roll his eyes, before smiling fondly at his friend. “Let’s get some coffee then.”

It felt good to sit next to Charles and talk about everything and nothing like they did when they were still little baby drivers. Emma told Charles how nervous she was before her first home race and how much she would love to get a podium. And Charles told her about his possible chance at Ferrari. It felt like the good old days. The young Austrian even told Charles about her rather strange meeting with Max in front of the bathroom in France. All the Monegasque did was shrugging with his shoulder before telling her that she should take a chance, maybe they could figure out what his act truly was all about that way. But Emma wasn’t even sure there was an act. A lot of people managed to be friends and rivals on track, so Charles thought she should try it.

“You can fight each other on track like he has to take a position from your cold dead hands, if he wants it and still be friends off track,” Charles told her, which caused Emma actually to think about that.

Max was the closest person to understand her, apart from Charles. He had parents who raced. Grew up in the world of Formula One and spent his entire childhood in karts. He could understand her, the pressure that came with a famous name. Maybe she should really take a chance.

* * *

Doing her best to appear charming, Emma smiled at the interviewer. They’ve asked her a little bit about her childhood and how it was growing up around the Spielberg ring and being the daughter of James Hunt and Niki Lauda. Before both of the Red Bull drivers joined her. It was Red Bull’s home race nevertheless.

“I’m actually surprised Emma is on time for once.” Daniel joked, causing the interviewer to laugh. It was actually true. Emma Lauda was never on time, but that often ended in very bizarre and funny situations.

“I’m not living that far away. I can see my house from here.” She started before Daniel pleaded with her to show him which house it was. So, she did. The Aussie was thrilled and made Emma promise that he could drop by some time. The Aussie and the Austrian started to chat with each other until the interviewer tried to include Max, as well, but the Dutchman was quite contented with his role in this conversation. He watched Emma from the side.

“Oh, don’t mind me. I’m just here to establish an alibi.” He joked, smiling charmingly at the interviewer, which caused the other two to include them as well. Ganging up against Max a little to tease the Dutch.

The drivers were dismissed, so they walked back, but Emma stopped Max in order to speak with him in private.

“I wanted to say that I’m sorry.” She called out to him, which caused Max to stop dead in his tracks, before nodding at Daniel, so he would go and tell Christian, he would catch up later with them. Max waited until Daniel and the other Red Bull staff disappeared, walking up to her.

“Don’t pity me.” The Dutch said defensively. Not interested in Emma’s apology.

Max assumed from the beginning that the two could never be friends. He had not failed to notice how Charles and Emma's eyes had followed him at dinner the other night. Probably the two made fun of him. How pathetic he is because he also wanted friends on the grid. Or were they jealous of his victory?

Max has always found it hard to make friends. Since he knew Emma, she'd been friends with Charles and Pierre. They all spoke French when they were sitting somewhere together after a race, laughing loudly and teasing each other lovingly. He never had a chance to get into that group of friends.

Max was always the one who was whispered about. The boy with the weird accent and the scary father. The one who appeared to win, before he disappeared again. The young Dutch never had the time to even have a chance at making friends with other karting kids.

His father quickly made it clear to him that he didn't need any friends and that he would not find any on the grid either.

Emma was taken aback by his words. She never intended to pity him for anything. “I don’t.” The young Austrian told him strongly, before proceeding. “I just … I was rude. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I was … surprised to hear such a suggestion from you especially.”

The Dutch nodded, ready to walk away, but Emma got a hold of his arm, stopping him in the process.

“I still don’t get why you want to be friends but I guess we could hang out.” She told him, which made Max look at her. Causing Emma to back trade a little bit again.

“I mean you can come along sometimes. … when I hang out with Charles.” The young Austrian clarified. Even though it made nothing clearer for neither one of them. But Emma needed to make sure Max knew where her borders were, in her own way.

“So, when I want to hang out with you, I need to tolerant Leclerc first?” He quizzed and Emma simply nodded.

“Yeah. We’re some kind of weird packet deal. Most of the time at least.” Emma scrunched up her face. She didn’t like to talk about her and Charles. So many people assumed wrong things when she did. They were just good friends.

“What changed your mind?” He wanted to know, but Emma simply took his phone to give him her number. “We could go out together or something. Just text me sometime.” She suggested, before walking away. There was a race waiting for her.

* * *

The race was alright. Emma got decent points but nothing like the points she wanted today. No matter what she did it wasn’t good enough. Doctor Dorian made sure she knew it wasn’t her fault. As did James, but as soon as Emma was at home, she felt like she needed to do something. Anything. 

Walking through the wall into the living room Emma grabbed the next thing in her reach, which happened to be a very expensive vase, weighing it in her right hand before she took the fragile thing in her left and threw it against the wall as hard as she could. The shards of glass fell to the ground like raindrops and gnashed uncomfortable for the hearing, but with a great feeling of satisfaction under Emma's boots.

It definitely wasn’t a healthy stress or rather anger relieve tactic and no cheap one at it, but it helped amazingly. Every act of creation is first an act of destruction, but Emma could see the art in it. The way the shards of something built the fundament of something new. It wouldn’t be the first time for her to find an answer to her questions in the destruction she had caused. The young woman only regretted how the poetry she created turned from art to a ridiculous kind of therapy.

The young Austrian eyed one of her trophies. The ugly one she had won in back in her karting days. The thing was especially ugly and downgraded the whole room, but in the end, she decided, that she would just toss things around she could simply replace. So, another vase had to accept it's faith before she threw the horrible lampstand that her aunt had presented her with, against one of the treasured paintings left by Emma's grandfather. These paintings were worth more than Emma’s 1950s Ford Mustang, but they weren’t safe from Emma’s wrath, nevertheless.

Throwing around deco elements, she felt already better than before. Emma just lifted the expensive crystal glass bowl as Niki entered the living room. Looking at his daughter with a raised eyebrow, his gaze wandered over the chaos his daughter has created, before he pointed at the crystal glass bowl, which caused Emma to carefully put it down, before she crossed her arms behind her back and smiled apologizingly at her father, causing Niki to signed deeply.

“Well, the urge to destroy is also a very creative urge. But why couldn’t you just throw cushions around as normal people would do?” He asked her, one hundred percent done with his own offspring. The older Austrian just wondered how Emma could inherit James temper when he wasn’t even her biological father. Niki himself wasn’t like that, for sure.

“Wouldn’t have resulted in the desired outcome.” She shrugged, as her father took a step close to inspect the old paintings, wincing as the shards of glass gnashed and crackled under his feet.

“Sure,” Niki told her sarcastic. What else did he expect? The only good thing was, that he managed to stop his daughter before one of the paintings could take serious damage. Emma never had a chance to be soft. She was always bloody knuckles and shards of glass.

The father turned around to face his child, catching one strand of her golden mane, which was out of place. Carefully tucking it back behind her ear, he kissed her forehead.

“You’re meant for greater things.” He whispered as James walked in. Both Lauda’s turned around to face the missing family member. The Brit looked at his daughter and husband, before looking down at the broken glass before he sighed.

“That’s exactly why we can’t have nice things.” Niki simply rolled his eyes after huffing at his husband, who decided, that he would leave this situation without helping out.

“Maybe you should call Doctor Dorian for a meetup. When you don’t want to talk to us about it.” Niki stated before he took a step back and disappeared again after informing her that she would clean up the mess she had created by herself and that she must be careful not to cut her skin. After all, she carried his legacy on her young shoulders.


	6. Friend or foe

# Chapter Six: Friend or foe

For Lewis, the race was an absolute disaster. Somehow, he had forgotten that things like a DNF could happen in a Formula One race. So used to good results. He was angry at himself, once upon a time he was such a grounded guy, just like Sebastian but the fame and the good results got to his head.

The Brit was gonna blame Nico for this. Just like he blamed the German for losing his love for the sport. The last season with Nico had hit him hard. By now, the only things he associated with racing were bad ones. It cost him his best friend.

However, he could overcome himself and acknowledged that Nico was more than just a friend, though he refused to admit it to anyone. Lewis hated the fact that whenever he had a bad race he had to think about Nico. Nico, whom he had seen more than often enough all weekend. It's a good thing he didn't know what hotel he was staying at. It would only lead to complications and self-hatred if he went to see him alone, but that didn't change the fact that he wanted to. He missed Nico so much, even if it had nothing to do with love anymore, what the two of them had. Maybe it was familiarity.

Shaking his head softly, he looked up as the lift announced his arrival. His soft brown eyes immediately met the so easy to recognise blue once. Maybe he could live with a little bit of self-hatred. Even though Lewis didn't want to see it, but Nico Rosberg was worth every self-hate he could ever manage.

* * *

Flopping down on her bed, Emma was glad that she cleaned the living room herself, even though the maids bothered her every five seconds. Pleading with Emma to just leave the cleaning to them. It took her mind off things, but now her thoughts were back again. Exhaling softly, Emma thought about calling Doctor Dorian, but she had a session tomorrow morning, so there was no reason really, she would tell him about everything face to face.

Deeply in her own thoughts, Emma barely heard the notification, telling her that she got a new message. Normally, she ignored her phone the evening after a race, but somehow, she wanted to know what the text would say. Unlocking her phone, she was surprised to see an unknown number until she saw the little picture next to the number.

Max had texted her to congratulate her on her P4 which was a nice gesture but felt somehow wrong because he had won the race. But Emma didn’t feel like he just texted her, so she would acknowledge his supremacy. He really tried to be friendly with her, which caused Emma to smile to herself. Maybe he wasn’t that bad after all.

Emma only gave credit when it was due, so she decided to acknowledge Max on his win. His season wasn’t that easy either. Their engine didn’t work the way it should, and the media was giving Max a lot of shit for Daniel’s suspected departure.

They texted a little bit until Emma decided, that she would take a chance. “Fancy meeting up in Silverstone for a little early work out on Friday maybe?” Emma texted him, to which he fastly agreed. Emma wondered if she should tell him, that Charles would definitely not come along. The Monegasque needed his beauty sleep after all. But she decided that it wasn’t important. She would tell Max if he asked, of course.

Emma smiled down at Max’s last message, as she heard a soft knock on her door. James stuck his head through the door before he smiled guiltily. “I just wanted to see how you were doing.” He justified his intrusion, which caused Emma to roller her eyes.

“I’m not suicidal, dad.” She told him like it was a stupid joke to her, but both of them knew that there was a reason why James had to make sure she was doing alright. Because, controversially to what she said, Emma was indeed suicidal, maybe just on her bad days but James and Niki never knew what kind of days she had. They all seemed to be the same from the outside, the devil was within.

Communicate. That’s what Doctor Dorian had said. Even when it’s uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply getting everything out. Still, there were thing he could never hear Emma say. Nevertheless, he tried for his own sake. The Brit wasn’t ready to lose his daughter.

“I know. Dinner is ready.”

* * *

There is a certain clinical satisfaction in seeing just how bad things can get. The rock bottom seemed wonderfully solid. It was somehow comforting to know that he had fallen but could fall no further.

“I think I hate you,” Lewis spoke into the silence of the dark hotel room, not even sure if Nico was still awake. The German had thrown his arm across Lewis's torso while bedding his head on the Brits shoulder. Lewis felt like his skin was frozen wherever Nico touched him.

Nico wanted to laugh. _“You can’t hate me. You love me far too much for that.”_ The German thought but never said. It was one of their unspoken rules, that they never spoke about their feelings. He knew Lewis and he also knew that he could never hate somebody, who he presented with his hearth but there was no need to tell the Brit that.

“Are you still angry?” Nico wanted to know.

The German would understand when he was. Partly he was angry at himself that he had chosen Vivian instead of Lewis as the Brit asked him to choose, but Nico was a father already. He couldn’t run away from his daughter. Even though he wanted to. He had responsibilities.

In the deep of the night, when he wished it would be Lewis, who was warming his bed, he told himself, that Lewis understood. Or at least he would after having his first child.

“In the beginning, yes, but I grew tired of it,” Lewis said simply.

“Anger is so tiring, Nico.” He confessed, not looking in his lover’s eyes. It would just hurt both of them further.

“I don’t think I was ever angry about it. Or about anything. Never saw the need to. It was good while it lasted.” Nico said. His fingers carefully dancing over Lewis bronze skin. Nico still remembered, when Lewis skin was free of tattoos, just his skin against Nico’s.

“No, it wasn’t. It was toxic.” The Brit shot back. Not carrying much for the fairy tale Nico was telling himself, so he could sleep better at night. A long time ago it was good, even great but the time was over long before they become teammates. So much has been done that can never be changed again. So many injuries from senseless fighting. So many tears from hurtful words and harmful thoughts.

“You know, the way I see it, in some situations, anger can be a driving force, it can push you forward, it can incite you. But you can’t let it become what defines you. You can’t let it overgrow you. Too much anger turns into hatred. It’ll be hopeless if it gets that far.” Lewis told Nico, but the German couldn’t follow him quite that well.

“But you just told me that you do hate me, don’t you?”

Lewis could lie, could make up a beautiful story, that he could never hate Nico because he was his one true love but chooses not to. A long time ago Lewis decided to brand Nico Rosberg as the one, who got away. The one, he needed to convince of his undying hate for the German, so Lewis could heal someday.

Maybe it was dishonourable and wrong to give in to the urge to hurt Nico so much that he would stay away from him forever. But it looked like it was the only way for Lewis to escape Nico and finally be free.

“I do. I speak from experience when I say it becomes hopeless, because when it does, you hit the bottom, and when you hit the bottom, it feels there’s no way out or up.”

“Maybe it’s because you still care.” Nico guessed, even though he knew he was right. Nico knew that Lewis loved him and he also knew that the Brit did everything to get away from him, but he was like the air to breathe for Lewis. There was no getting away.

“It’s because you ruined me. You did this to me. You made me hate you and I will always hate you for that.” Lewis raised his voice a little bit, which caused Nico to stop his caressing. The German could feel the first sob ripping through his lover’s body. Lewis soft brown eyes seemed fogged like he was bewitched with undying sadness and sorrow for a life he never had.

“I just want it to be over.” Lewis pressed out between sobs breaking Nico’s hearth over and over again in the process. How can two people who had loved each other that deeply do so much damage to each other?

Nico pushed Lewis a little bit back, so he could look into his deep brown eyes. He tried to find the truth and what he saw hurt him. He regretted ever leaving Lewis alone, ever not taking care of him, and he hated himself for seeming to have lost the ability to see through his lies and masks. He loved this man more than anything. More than racing or his carrier and more than himself and his family. But who was he to tell Lewis?

“Is that what you truly want?” Nico asked. He was afraid of Lewis answer, but deep down he already knew what the Brit would answer. It pained him, that he used to know Lewis, a long time ago. It felt like they knew each other in another life.

“Yes,” Lewis whispered. Throat tight with tears. “Yes, Nico. I want you to be gone.”

* * *

“Do you remember the question I asked you the last time we saw each other?” Dorian asked Emma, after taking a sip from his far to strong coffee.

He saw that something was up with Emma today. Normally she would stare at the picture above the shelf for a few minutes, think about how to express what was going on in her head, before letting him in, but today, she seemed unfocused. Her body language telling him, that she had something important to share with him, the question was just if she would.

“Yes.” She replied simply. _Do you feel nothing because there is nothing to be felt or because you don’t allow yourself to feel?_ She remembered the question quite well but hadn’t thought about it at all. To be true the answer as fairly easy. Nor didn’t she feel like it was that important to find the answer to that question right now. There was something else on her mind.

“I’m conflicted.” Emma started after a while. Doctor Dorian was watching her before he pointed out to her that she should continue speaking.

Originally he had intended to speak about the race and the question but Emma seemed to be truly caught up in something else. He was just glad she trusted him enough to talk to him about her inner conflict.

“When we’re young we’re thought the distinction between a hero and a villain. Good and evil. A saviour and a lost cause. But what if the only difference is just who’s telling the story?” Emma tried to explain, not very comfortable with Dorian’s eyes on her.

“Is it possible that you're talking about anyone in particular?” He questioned, which let Emma nod. A long time ago, she had realised that there was no point hiding something from Dorian. He just wanted to help her.

So, she told him about Max. How they were rival's or at least she thought so until he said she was no threat to him. About what happened in the pool in Canada and in the hallway in front of the bathroom in France. About her conversation with Charles and her decision, that she should take a chance. About her feeling, that she was feeling something for Max, but couldn’t quite put the finger on it.

“Let me get that straight. You’re not sure if he’s friend or foe and you’re afraid, because you don’t know what you feel for him, but you tried to open up to him a little bit in order to become friends because you think he can understand you better than most.” Dorian concluded while watching Emma. She thought about everything again before nodding.

Dorian watched her a little bit, before he decided, that he would give her a push in the right direction. Even though normally he just gave her the pieces and watched while she was putting them together, he felt like she desperately needed to figure that out, before she flew out to the UK.

The Therapist smiled softly, before nodding slowly. “Okay, well. Even though the path is stony it’s still a way to go. A way you should keep going, don’t you think?”


	7. Memories of a different time

# Chapter Seven: Memories of a different time

Some steps must be taken alone. It is the only way to really find out where your path is taking you and who you need to be to get where you need to be.

Emma was seated next to the window starring down at the clouds, while her thoughts were louder than anything Andrew or her parents could have said. Emma knew that the flight wouldn’t be that long, but it didn’t stop her from doze off every now and then.

The young Austrian was about half a month when her father took her to her first race. Michael Schumacher was driving for Ferrari during that time and Niki never wanted his daughter to stay away from the sport, which gave him so much.

There was so much to see for a little kid. The paddock was crowded, but Emma never cared about that, she loved the smell of funeral and hot tyres, it was like coming home for the young Austrian. She was busy watching a few mechanics working on Fernando Alonso’s car in the Renault garage as her father swooped her up in his arms, which caused the three-year-old to giggle happily.

“Papa. Let go. I want to watch the mechanics work.” She told her father smiling up at him, which let him look down at his daughter tenderly. She was missing one tooth at the moment, making her grin even more adorable.

“I promised Michael to bring you before the race starts, so he can talk with the future champ a little bit.” Niki clarified when he let Emma down again and took his daughter by the hand. He steered purposefully towards the Ferrari garage where Michael was chatting with another former racing driver. Niki knew the man but that didn't mean that he liked Jos Verstappen. The Dutchman was known for his temperament, which he reportedly made not only his wife feel but also his children at one time or another.

Niki was about to take Emma and leave for now, as Michael and Jos saw him. The German immediately went to welcome the girl, picking her up, before spinning her around.

“Carefully,” Niki warned Michael, who only smiled at the older man. “Don’t you worry. I know who to handle a child.” He said before he put Emma down next to the boy, who was holding on to Jos Verstappen’s hand.

“You don’t know each other yet, do you? Emma, this is Max. Max this is Emma. Who knows, maybe you will become great friends in the future.” He said, smiling but Emma retired and hide behind Michael's leg, looking on the mini Dutch a little bit wary.

“Oh. Don’t you worry Emma. He’s a good kid.” Niki told her, urging his daughter to greet the boy.

The Austrian watched the young Dutch a little bit longer before she extended her hand towards him, without looking in his face, which caused Max to look up at his father in question. He wasn’t used to other kids, rather grown-ups. Yes, Max had a little sister but that’s it. Jos nodded shortly, which caused Max to take Emma’s hand, shaking it awkwardly. 

“You’re karting?” She asked Max a little bit shy but as the young Dutch nodded, she started to smile brightly. All fear gone, she walked over to Max and took his hand.

“That’s so cool. My dad says I can try it as well when I’m older. Do you want to see the kart I’ve drawn?” Max again looked up to Jos, who didn’t seem that happy but luckily Sophie walked over in that moment.

“You can go with her if you want Maxy. I will pick you up in a while?” The young Dutch nodded, and Emma smiled brightly, before she walked off, still holding onto Max’s hand, who followed her with an excited expression.

Emma smiled at the memory. It was her first encounter with Max Verstappen. They were still so young back then. It must have looked adorable. Emma toddling after Max, with their hands linked, so they wouldn’t lose each other. Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if they had kept in touch. Maybe think would be different from today. Most likely actually.

Andrew snapped the young Austrian back from her memories. The trainer knew that she hadn’t slept that much the last few days and was worried. “You look like you need a massage. Let me take care of you a little bit.” He proposed, which caused Emma to nod shortly. She could really use one. The flight wasn’t long but uncomfortable and it had been a while since Andrew had had her bones all aligned and set right.

* * *

Since Max arrived in Formula 1 there was nothing else for him. Of course, he had his friends from school, but most of them lived in the Netherlands while Max moved to Monaco as soon as possible. It was far away from home, but that was good for him. In the beginning, he felt a bit lost, but Daniel had helped him to get used to the new situation, only now he would lose Daniel. Everything was fine and then this damn year started. Friends left him, the stress and expectations grew, and old enemies and known faces reappeared.

He ran into Emma Lauda again after all these years. Max almost had forgotten her over the years, but as soon as he saw the girl again, he remembered. Emma, with the pair of those stormy, puppy eyes that screamed innocence and that cool but savage smirk that she’d shoot in Max’s direction when she saw him as a way of greeting.

Of course, they have met before and they talked and had their little rivalries, but Max hadn’t seen Emma up-close since their early teenage years back in karting and seeing how good puberty did the Austrian made Max feel uneasy. Emma was always tall, with legs far too long for her little frame, but now time did its magic and the young Dutch wasn’t sure anymore if he had ever seen a woman more beautiful.

She was not this stereotypical beauty. She had wide unique stormy blue eyes with this little hint of mischievous green in them, causing everybody to take a second look at the Austrian. Especially when she smirked.

Max hasn’t seen a real smile on her face in a little over one decade, only this smirk, which caused her to look savage in some kind, even when her appearance nearly screamed angel, but her eyes told you about the devil she was within. You just had to look closely enough.

Her skin on the other side was nearly white, and her facial features looked like she was made of porcelain only a few freckles which decorated her face gave her back a little of her cheekiness. Causing her to look younger and more innocent than she was.

Emma Lauda was a natural beauty and these small cosmetic errors only made her prettier. Her beauty was perfectly imperfect and breath-taking in every aspect. 

He remembered Emma with her long unruly curly golden, 2009 hair that was so unlike Max’s short, always carefully done. He remembered the incident when Emma ran Max off the track and didn’t even apologize after. He remembered Emma’ stupid, Austrian accent that seemed more prominent in those days than it was now. But now he didn't find her accent annoying anymore but kind of sexy. The way she sometimes still rolled the R, making her otherwise so flawless English sound very unique. Nothing like Vettel, Hulkenberg or himself. His accent always sounded flat and dull, when he spoke English. Max rather listened to Emma speaking nowadays, than speaking himself.

The young Red Bull driver tried to think of something, anything, that might have been the cause of the development of his crush on Emma but came blank, and that scared him. He wasn’t ready to admit that he had a crush on Emma Lauda, the green and unexperienced McLaren driver who would smirk at Max whenever she noticed the Dutch in the paddock.

* * *

After Andrew had cracked about every bone in Emma’s body, he finally massaged her sore muscles. Her neck felt so much better after all the vortexes were back where they belonged, so she was finally able to relax a little bit.

Andrew stayed for dinner after Emma’s aunt had invited him. Making sure the young Austrian was properly fed while they all stayed at James’s sister’s before Emma would travel over to Silverstone and stay there in the hotel. Just because of simplistic. Being back at home with her parents, aunt and cousins felt so freeing, she hated that she had to leave before tomorrow evening, but work was work. Still, the young Austrian loved the Hunt family to pieces. At her aunt's the house was always full of life and children’s laugher. Something she had experienced rarely in her own home. Especially, now that she mostly stayed alone in Monaco.

However, later that night her thoughts were still running in circles. At first, she thought about calling Charles but he was still in Monaco and her teammate was one of her closest friends but she needed advice from someone grown-up, so Emma called the only truly grown-up person she knew. Sebastian Vettel.

“I need advice and you’re the only grown-up I know,” Emma told Seb as soon as he picked up, not even greeting him, but the German was used to her by now.

“You know I'm always here for you, right?” Seb asked which caused Emma to nod, until she remembered, that he couldn’t see her.

“I know. How’s Hanna and the children?” Emma questioned.

“They’re fine. I’m more worried about you. You seem distracted lately.” Seb’s concern was sincere, like always. Emma knew that he wouldn’t simply let it live down after this phone call. They would need to talk in person with each other for sure, but for now, this was enough. For now, Seb’s calming voice and him paying attention was everything she needed.

“I don’t know. It’s strange.” Emma whispered. Pinching the bridge of her nose with her pointer and index finger.

Talking softly with Emma on the phone. Sebastian tried to help her as best as he could. But Emma knew that her German friend wouldn’t be able to do anything when she refused to tell him what this was truly about. She said that she was confused, that she felt things she was quite sure how to please, but she never told him about Max, or that these feelings were growing since the season started. Since he helped her to find her way around in Australia, or the many times they joked around in the Press conferences. Maybe it lied to herself all along. Max never was her rival, she secretly always looked up to him, but she would never admit that. It was easier that way. Blind hate was easy. Self-awareness, a pain in the ass.

Commitment is scary and admitting her feelings, realizing that they are there and inevitable, scares her just as much. Emma's always had a hard time talking about the things that occupy her mind, she never found the right words to describe her feelings, and Emma hated it.


	8. Just like Tacos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of anxiety and panic attacks!   
> Please don't read on, if that's a problem for you.

#  Chapter Eight: Just like Tacos

A little bit confused Emma walked over to where Max was working out, about to join him, but stopped last minute. He was facing away from her, but she wondered, why he had cancelled their workout last minute, when he was here now, nevertheless. Max appeared actually very deeply caught up in his training and music, so Emma decided, she wouldn’t bother him, maybe later, but Max clearly needed some alone time, to clear his mind. Even though it was strange.

* * *

Running was always one of Max’s favourite thing to cope with pressure. Normally it helped him to empty his head quite well, but today nothing worked. After a restless sleep, he got up around 4:30, not able to get any more sleep, his mind full of toxic thought his father had planted years ago, to go down into the gym.

He had an early training scheduled with Emma around 8-ish, so he needed to get his mind off things first before he could talk with anybody, but his relatively poor results from the last few races kept his mood from getting better. Max knew exactly what his father would say without hearing it from him personally. But he refused to think about it. He was his own person now and not an opportunity for his father to finally make his unfulfilled dreams come true.

Maybe he hasn’t won enough of the last races and neither had he achieved a podium on all three occasions, but he was working on it. So why was it so hard to shut his father’s voice out? Max check his phone shortly before seven o'clock and decided to cancel the work out with Emma. The young Dutch was sure he couldn’t face her right now or in the next few hours to be true. Without waiting for a reply from the Austrian, he got his ear pods from his bag and put on his music. As loud as possible, so hopefully they would help him to zone out while running away from his problems. It was kind of ironic. He was running like crazy but never got away.

The faster he ran, the louder his father’s voice got. Telling him that he is worthless, that he wasted his money and time with him. That he was a disappointment. Max's breath became increasingly difficult until he started coughing.

_‘Not now and not here, please.’_ Max thought, as he stepped down from the treadmill, holding onto the wall next to him, while he tried to breathe the panic attack away. He hoped nobody who knew him spotted him bent over his bag while trying desperately to get some air into his lung. Black dots danced in front of Max's eyes, which was probably not helped by the lack of water and food in his system. Max knew what was about to happen next, his knees were already weak, but he never blacked out.

“Hey. Steady. Breath. In and out.” He knew this voice, Max was certain.

A hand on his shoulder steadied him. He couldn’t make out who it was, but his body was sure he was safe, he knew that perfume from somewhere. Trusting his instincts, he let the person pull him into a sitting position, his back against the wall. His eyes were still tightly shut, as the person took his hand and laid it against her chest. Instructing him to listen to her heartbeat and to try to match her breathing. Having calmed down slightly, Max opened his eyes, to look back in Emma’s stormy blue eyes. The clearly deeply worried Austrian smiled warily, as she saw Max looking at her.

“Emma?” Max was confused, he never saw the Austrian enter the gym area, but he was glad she was here now. Handling him her bottle of water. His hand still rested against her chest but he withdrawer, as he realised it.

Max was at a loss of words. What was he supposed to say to her now? Emma just witnessed one of his panic attacks, his best-hidden secret, something she should have never known about. Nobody should know about that, so he could deal with it on his own. It worked for such a long time, although sometimes his head was all over the place and it was so fucking dark inside.

Max was so sure, that Emma wouldn’t let it go. She would choose to help him, to find a way, a healthy approach to make progress as well as to grow, however, Max wasn’t sure he needed that. Okay, that was a lie. He understood that he needed professional support but then again, he always had his small excuses. It isn’t that terrible when nobody notices. It isn’t worth talking about when he gets through a day, without bigger issues.

“You were never meant to see that.” He whispered, looking down at the bottle, pulling on the label. Max wasn’t somebody who let his guards down easily but now he exposed himself unintentionally.

“Doesn’t matter now. How about we get you back to your room. You look exhausted.” Emma wanted to ask him, since when he was down in the gym but decided against it. She wasn’t concerned about that now. All that mattered now was helping Max getting comfy, without getting too much attention to themselves.

Looking at Emma’s face, seeing all the concern and worry. Max knew that she was his best chance. For what exactly, he wasn’t sure. The younger one helped him, up, before she steadied him again, taking his bag. Luckily, nobody saw them, as Emma did her best to support Max, which was harder than she thought, with the taler Dutch.

Back in his hotel room, Emma helped Max onto the bed, before she decided, that he should get some sleep. He looked awfully drained and the Free Practice wouldn’t start until 11.

The young Dutch watched Emma sitting in one of the cosy looking piece of furniture at the end of the bed. Doing something on her phone, before getting up again. She said something about taking a shower, while she stayed and ordering food, but Max hadn’t had it in him to say anything.

She smiled tenderly, sitting next to Max. “You know. It’s okay if you fall apart from time to time. Tacos fall apart all the time and we still love them.” Emma told him sincerely, tugging him in bed shortly before Max fell asleep. It was Seb’s oldest daughter, who had told Emma that after she had a panic attack while staying with the Vettel’s. She was so moved by these words that she immediately went on crying in Seb's arms.

“What time is it,” Max asked as soon as he woke up. At first, he couldn’t see the young Austrian, cause she was talking with someone quietly at the door, but almost immediately as Emma heard Max’s voice, she closed the door and walked over to the bed, sitting next to him on the huge double bed.

The young woman looked him up and down, before she raised her arm, to look at her watch. “About 9:30.” She informed him, which caused Max to nod. He still looked drained, but he was a little bit more conscious now.

“Who was at the door?” Max wanted to know.

“Just room service. I ordered you some breakfast.” Max nodded again, watching Emma as she got up and filled him a plate of various things. Both of them eat in complete quiet until Emma spoke up.

“Max, I understand, that you don’t want to talk about it. But we should.” Emma was determined to help him, just as he predicted, but Max knew that he couldn’t take this kind of conversation the weekend with Emma of all people.

“Can we talk when we’re back home in Monaco? I can’t need that conversation on a race weekend.” Max questioned, her which caused Emma to nod slowly. She understood that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his panic attack right after getting through an episode. She could wait, as long as he was willing to speak at all.

“Of course, if that’s what you want,” Emma told him sincerely.

* * *

Emma wanted to see Seb before the race would start. She hadn’t had the time before with the entire Max thing taking her time. Luckily, she spotted the German, with enough time to go over and have a little chat, but that wouldn’t be her style and he knew that very well.

„Isn’t it time for you to retire, old man?” The young Austrian shouted down the laine to where her German friend was standing. The older man was currently speaking to his Finish friend and teammate, but as soon as he heard the mocking voice of the girl, he turned around with a wide grin on his lips.

He gave her a smug smile, before he shouted back, as the young beauty made her way over to him. “No, not yet, but I don’t think kids are allowed around here.” She just shrugged her shoulders gently before throwing herself into his arms. Emma missed that adorable jerk, especially when she could have needed him by her side.

“Such a shame. I would gladly take your seat. Red was always my colour.” She told him, as he let go of her. Letting his fingers dance softly over her cheek.

“I’m sure you would.” The German laughed before she turned slightly to glance at his Finnish friend.

“You’re sure you’re alright,” Seb questioned quietly, which let Emma only nod. She was fine. Max on the other hand, but he wasn’t her concern today. They would talk another day.

“Are you even allowed to wander around without someone to watch you? The paddock is a dangerous place for a child.” Kimi teased her, as she walked next to him.

“Two old men ganging up against me. Just rude.” The young Austrian said joyful, which is why the German gently smiled down at her. Seb was about to replay as someone called his name. It was time to get in his Ferrari, the race was about to start.

“Coming.” Sebastian called back, turning around again. “Well, we will see each other later, won’t we?” He asked her, before he hugged her again, this time even closer, but Emma didn’t care. She loved that adorable dork and even more his hugs.

Emma shook her head as she watched Seb fondly walking away. Seb was about to go back to her team as well, as Lewis walked past her. Normally she would say anything before a race, but something was odd. 

“Hey, Lewis. We haven’t seen much of each other lately. You’re okay?” Emma was concerned and Lewis could read in her stormy blue eyes how worried she was about him.

They knew each other, maybe as long as she knew Sebastian. Being Niki’s daughter Emma spent a lot of time in the Mercedes garage growing up. Always close to Nico and Lewis. He regretted that she was already at that age to understand what was going on between them when she spent almost every race in Lewis garage.

The young Austrian was a friend even then, despite the big age difference. Emma had always been smarter than good for her and she had a talent for noticing things that were none of her business.

Lewis was sure that the young Austrian knew about more than just his own affair, but Emma had never mentioned anything to him. Laudas were secretive and trustworthy when it mattered, Lewis learned that very quickly.

She was the only one who knew about him and Nico, and not just because she had caught the two of them in the act once. Nevertheless, from that day on, Lewis had someone to talk to about everything, even if he left out one or two spicy details because she was only sixteen years old just before Nico became world champion.

The Brit trusted her blindly because she had earned his trust with her silence. There were rumours about him and Nico, but never proof. Lewis was sure that he owed it to the Lauda’s, that nobody knew about them.

The Brit faced her for a second, but the pain and self-hate in his eyes were answer enough for the young Austrian. Emma knew why he was so strange lately and didn’t talk that much with any of the drivers.

“It’s nothing new, isn’t it? I will survive … again.” Lewis told her, which caused the young girl to pull him into a tight hug. What was wrong with the world at the moment? She hoped that Lewis will one day get over Nico, but this day was still far away.

“Told him, I hate him.” He whispered in her shoulder, before he pulled away. Lewis was a world champion. They didn’t just get to fall apart. He had taught Emma that.

“When you need to talk ...” Emma started, not speaking the sentence to an end put Lewis knew what she meant. And he was grateful for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> English is not my first language, which you probably have already noticed, I hope you enjoyed it anyway.   
> Questions will be gladly answered.   
> Leave me a comment if you feel like it ;-)  
> VillianEater


	9. Hand me the olive branch of victory

# Chapter Nine: Hand me the olive branch of victory

“How close are they?” Emma asked trying her hardest to keep calm, even when she damn well knew, that the guys behind her were closer than the team wanted them too. Letting her freak out a little bit. She desperately wanted to jump up and down, out of pure … fear, she thought it was.

“Listen! It doesn’t matter, as long as you’re in front of them. And you are, Lauda! You are, just keep on driving and everything will turn out alright!” Markus told her over the radio, praying to god that she would withstand the pressure.

Everybody forgot that the young Austrian who drove this monster of a car was still a child, even though she was 18 years old. They all put her under so much pressure, just because she was Niki's daughter, but the girl was handling it great. She is so goddamn ambitions. Markus was sure that this quality would kill her someday. Girls like her don't grow that old usually.

She had already done more than some drivers will ever do in their entire career. Being a permanent guest on the podium in her first season ever was fucking phenomenal. Emma didn't have to prove anything here today, she already proved it to everyone. The girl was already a goddamn legend. He only wanted her back in one piece.

“Fuck the victory,” Markus mumbled under his breath, as long as Emma would come back to the garage unharmed and with the car in one piece, he would be thankful. She had already taken pole she didn't have to win it, but she had to survive it.

The head engineer has seen so many young drivers lose their nerves, causing an accident, some of them even fatal and Markus was sure he didn't want to face Niki Lauda after his daughter died in a race under his command of even worse James Hunt.

“Maybe we should tell her to let Fernando pass, to take some pressure from her.” Zack Brown suggested, but Markus only shook his head at this stupid idea. “Give her a chance. I know she can do it. Just have a little fate in her. There are only six rounds left.” Markus starred down at Zack, not buying any of it. Letting Alonso overtake his girl, only over his dead body.

“Alright. We are taking the risk, but when we fail and she breaks under the pressure, it’s on you!” He was alright with that. Knowing damn well, that Emma was able to handle herself, his job now was just to remind her of this little fact.

“I have my girl under control.” He told the team principal, before waving Matteo over. “We have to make her win.” He quietly admitted, after letting Zack walk off, before getting on with his little plan. James was just standing there watching over everything, not saying the things on his mind.

It took Markus some time, but in the meantime, he has understood that Emma is something very special. He was about to give up, but Emma made him enjoy his job again. Her restless and unforgivable ambitions nature spurred everyone on to work harder and fight for her. None of his engineers would not do everything to let Emma Lauda take a victory home. All of them would go through hell with her, not because they worship her or some bullshit like that, no because she's the first one to run through the fire. She was not their boss. Emma Lauda was their leader.

Matteo called his boss over, as Emma started braking just milliseconds too late. It wasn’t a big deal normally, but with the Mercedes’s behind, and Verstappen so close, that they barely were able to make out were Emma’s car ended and were Max’s started, it was difficult to calm the girl down. Markus was sure that the Dutch asshole would overtake her in a tight spot. It was his way of playing with the fear and nervousness of his rivals. He did it with Leclerc and he will do it with Emma. Take advantage of the fact that she can’t yet deal with the pressure as well as he does. He once even made Leclerc drive into the wall out of fear. Not able to handle the pressure Max was giving him. But the worst is he just called it racing and was not aware of any guilt. 

“What do I do now?” The young Austrian wanted to know, fighting hard to keep Verstappen behind her. Markus needed her to listen to him. “Emma, do you remember what you told me as I said, our car would never match a Mercedes?” He asked her, while Matteo watched him with concern. The other mechanic wasn’t aware of such a discussion between the chief engineer and their driver.

“Yeah. I said no fear, no limits, no excuses. Go hard or go home.” The young Austrian answered with a slightly shaky voice, but confidence, nevertheless. She was Emma fucking Lauda and she wasn’t afraid a Dutch boy or a bunch of old men.

“So get your shit together and show them who you are!” Markus practically screamed down the radio, which made Emma smirk. He was right.

She took a few deep breaths, before she remembered, all the lessons her father taught her. She was a Lauda, she wasn’t freaking out, she was winning this god damn shit, without any questions. She was born a champion, and a champion wins. There was no point in stressing herself out.

Emma got her shit together, before she narrowed her eyes, seeing the finish line just a few hundred meters in front of her. _Now or never, keep going._

And suddenly it was like she was driving through a black tunnel. Not a single sound reached her ears, only her much too fast heartbeat and her own breath was heard. She felt as if her heart would stop the moment, she crossed the finish line. Not able to handle herself any longer, she was glad that, from now on the adrenaline in her body took the lead.

It was no longer in her power to understand what Markus and the rest of the team were screaming at her through the radio, but she enjoyed it. She loved how much they were thrilled and acknowledged that it was worth all the effort and work. “Guys, we have won!” She told them stunned, not lauder than a whisperer, but they heard her, nevertheless.

Barely minutes ago, she drove on track over 300 km/h and now she came to a stop behind the number one sign. Making clear who has won.

She couldn't believe it yet, so she stayed in her car. Hands held tightly to the steering wheel as she stared up to the tribunes. All these people cheering for her very first victory live. Not to mention the many cameras that filmed the young Austrian woman, who seemed rather overwhelmed. It was as if she was suddenly the main character in some kitschy teen movie, but this was reality.

She was pulled out of her numbness when someone suddenly reached into her car and put his hand on her wrist before gently removing her hand from the steering wheel. Emma looked up questioningly at Markus, who smiled at her.

"I know you love this car, but you have to get out of it now so you can get your trophy!”

She looked around, just to see that Max and Sebastian had already climbed out of their car and looked at her both questioningly now, even though Seb smiled.

Markus had just dismounted the steering wheel because Emma still couldn't completely detach herself from her stiffness. " That was bullshit." she murmured as Vettel came over to her car. Realizing that Emma wasn’t about to make a move at all. She was just so overwhelmed by the whole situation, which let him smirk. He had known the young Austrian almost her whole life and she was always a cheeky little brat. Which is why he was so surprised. He had never seen her so silent and speechless before.

"The first one is always a bit overwhelming!” The German told her before he reached out his hands, which made her stand up and grab a hold of them. Before she elegantly got out of the car with Seb's help and allowed Seb to help her and take her helmet off.

“Welcome to the club of the winning guys!” He said, hugging her close against his chest, which let Emma look up at him shy, almost intimidated. “For fuck’s sake. I have never seen you like this. What’s wrong Emma? Where is your cheeky self?”

“I think she died the last corner, like your chance to win anything this season, because I’m not going to quit winning.” She told him smirking up at the older one, making Seb laugh. “There she is!” Seb murmured into her hair before a bunch of engineers started to scream her name, cheering for her.

Emma runs over, jumping over the barrier without any problems, where she was embraced in a huge group hug. There were people everywhere congratulating her and patting her on the shoulder before James put an end to it. “Come on. Your podium awaits you!”

He nugget her shoulder softly, which make her follow her PR-agent Kiwi, but not without jumping into Markus's arms, as soon as she saw him again, fussing over their car like it was his baby, which made Emma roll her eyes with amusement.

“I would have never made it without you!” She told him so softly, he had to look at her again to make sure it was really Emma, who was talking to him. “No problem. Anything for our lil’ girl.” Emma smiled at him, bevor she kissed his cheek affectionately. “Still. All thanks to you!” Emma confessed, before walking off with Kiwi.


	10. The confusion of an innocent soul

#  Chapter Ten: The confusion of an innocent soul

“I’m very proud of you Emma.” Her father spoke before he pulled her into a little hug. Niki Lauda was never anyone who liked to show affection in public, but with his daughter it was different. He gently stroked her cheek before his proud expression turned into a worried one.

He knew his daughter better than she cared to admit, which is why he immediately noticed that she was not happy. At least not entirely. Something was heavy on her heart. But he couldn’t understand why. There was no reason for his daughter to not be overwhelmed with happiness.

Emma Lauda, who just turned eighteen, had won her first GP and her father and her dad were both there to see it all. Finally, she had proved herself and shown everyone that it was no disadvantage being a woman in motorsport. But she seemed unfocused like she was missing something but couldn’t right put her finger on it. Something was laying heavy on her fragile hearth, drowning her in sorrow she couldn’t explain. 

The young Austrian was trapped. A prisoner of her own mind and soul. She was stuck in a weird mood where nothing was really wrong, but nothing felt right either. She felt cold and utter alone in the centre of all this attention because the one person who would have mattered didn’t present her with his attention, but it has never been any different. Emma was shocked by her own mind and hearth. She thought she was able to get rid of her toxic jealousy but she was wrong.

Max was the sun, even in their karting days and Emma was just a little star which light didn’t shine bright enough to get his attention. The young McLaren driver was sick of trying to get the attention of her rival. Or that’s at least what she thought Max was to her in the beginning, but to be true she was never his rival. To be his rival he must have noticed her, but he always failed to see Emma or ignored her as a driver, she didn’t quite know, but now that was over. Max saw her as a woman but now he had to face her as a driver but somehow she struggled to get that together with helping him. With being his friend, because Max needed a friend. Emma wanted to put an end to it for her own personal mental health. The jealousy was getting to her souls, the young driver couldn’t allow that. She would use all her potential to defeat Max as a driver, even if he didn't see her as a threat. But off the track, she wanted to be his friend. Emma wasn’t sure this was even possible.

“Why aren’t you happy? What do you want that you do not have?” Her father questioned her as James walked over as well. Holding his daughter’s trophy and bottle of champagne, while he looked happier than his daughter could ever be about winning a race.

Emma heard every word her father so carefully formulated, as his daughter stared further into the distance. She couldn't look at him now. Emma didn't want to see a disappointed expression on her father's face. She couldn't bear it.

Her eyes lay on the Red Bull team that had gathered around Max, fussing over him like crazy. Nobody seemed to really care about Daniel but that was nothing new for the Aussie, which Emma could see. The pained expression he was wearing made Emma uneasy. He only looked sad, when he thought nobody saw him, but Emma had the ability to see people exactly when they felt unseen. Daniel had a reason to leave Red Bull.

All of a sudden, she lost the control she had fought so hard for. She felt the first tears gathering in her stormy blue eyes as Max looked over at her. Why did he have to do this at this very moment when her otherwise strong walls were about to crumble?

Niki followed the gaze of his daughter, which clearly lay on the young Dutchman, who could not take his gaze away from the beautiful Austrian. Max just couldn't get himself to look the other way, even when both of her fathers clearly caught him staring at their daughter. It was Emma's fault. Something in her aroused his curiosity considering her, but she hadn’t realised that yet.

Niki Lauda didn't even want to know what had already happened between his daughter and her grid mate in all the years they already knew each other. He was well aware of the fact, that Emma saw the young Dutch as her rival. Niki even recalled the many times his daughter complained about the Dutch when he ran her off the track or overtook her on a far too dangerous corner, back in their karting days. She never really liked Max, but something has changed between the two of them, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on, but the Austrian was sure he didn’t like it. His daughter seemed strong but the truth was she was very fragile, her mind more than her body.

Nowadays, he only knew Max as a rival who tried to defeat his Mercedes boys, but he knew one thing for sure, the Dutchman took what he wanted without asking for permission. A passionate young man, probably the only one who could keep up with his daughter's attitude.

“Does it ever stop? The burning need of outdoing everyone you know?” She asked in a quiet but bitter voice. The question wasn't specifically directed at her father and even less did she expect an answer, but Niki couldn't just stand there and watch his daughter break her own heart with her ambition. Her need to be someone, who she was all along.

“Never. But you will get calmer with the time.” He promised her, but Niki wasn’t so sure about that. He himself has married his rival and he still wanted to strangle James half of the time. Maybe it was a Lauda thing and Emma would never become calmer, her will to be the best far too strong, even for her own good.

* * *

Emma decided to not go out and celebrate in Silverstone. Her decision was to have dinner with Lewis and Seb before going home to Monaco and have a talk with Max when he was ready to do so, but before she could try to help him, she had to find out how she felt about Max. What those feelings were. Emma was convinced she couldn't be his rival and his friend at the same time. So, she had to decide exactly what she wanted. When her father asked her what she wanted that she didn't have, she couldn't answer him. Far too caught up in her old way of thinking, in which she always saw Max as the target to surpass. But this rivalry, which for him was nothing, destroyed Emma. Her thoughts were so dark and twisted after the podium. She had no idea what was happening to her. When she thought of her first victory now, she thought of Sebastian holding her in his arms before he poured champagne over her on the podium, and Max congratulating her honestly and sincerely on her first victory before he poured champagne over her too. Emma made peace with herself at least for now.

* * *

Pushing her food around on her plate, Emma exhaled softly, before putting her fork down. The young Austrian was looking forward to this evening. To finally be able to do something with Sebastian and Lewis in peace and quiet without them being in the spotlight the whole time. It was more fun, back then when fans had no idea who she was and only asked her to take a photo of them and the two world champions. Even though she liked her fans she was only eighteen years old and it was hard to be a role model.

“I was definitely happier than you are after my first victory.” Sebastian started, which caused Emma to look up to him. Yeah, she had won her first race in Silverstone, which was a Mercedes dominated area for years and she was extremely delighted, but that happiness died after she had read a few especially mean and nasty comments about her winning the race.

The young Austrian had not done it on purpose. She just wanted to see what was going on in social media about the race and stumbled across the scene, as she did everything to defend her position against Max. The first comment she had read was actually quite funny, so she clicked on further comments, but that was her mistake.

Emma was young but she understood that something would be wrong with her when everybody would like her, but she hated the unfairness of these faceless strangers. Hiding behind anonymity like the cowards they were. Accusing her of taking advantage of her family name, which she understood to a certain point, but it was unacceptable that they indicated that she was using her body for special treatment in Formula One. Emma certainly didn't make anyone ambiguous offers or extend any invitations in that kind ever, as people said about her.

The youngest Lauda was particularly angry that she was accused of these things in connection with Sebastian and Lewis. They were good men and she was offended on their behave, that someone would ever say something like that about them. They were her friends.

There happened to be a lot of nasty things going around as well that a woman was way too soft to race. That her motherly instinct would get in the way, or that she wouldn't stay in Formula 1 for long anyway, because she would certainly have a baby soon.

She didn't understand why people did this. Did it make people feel better to put others down? The young McLaren driver just shouldn't have read the comments. Human are threatful creatures. Emma would do well to never forget this.

“That’s not it. I am happy.” She promised both of them, but they weren’t buying it. Lewis gave Seb a look before he returned his attention to the young Austrian, which had barely touched her dinner.

“But there is something else?” The Brit questioned carefully, not sure if he should press the topic or if it would be better to wait for Emma to come to them, so she would talk when she was ready for it.

Emma trusted them. Lewis and Seb did a lot to help her. They gave her advice when she needed help and offered her a helping hand if she fell down.

“Am I that hateable?” The question was quiet, but the two men understood her, nevertheless.

“Where is this coming from all of the sudden?” Lewis wanted to know, his voice shriller than he intended to, but it was already to late. Seb had already kicked his foot with a disapproving glance.

“Ouch.” He mouthed at Seb, but the German wasn’t impressed. Smirking shortly at him, before turning his attention fully to Emma. He knew Emma and he had seen her with her phone in hand before. Something she did rarely. He just put two and two together. The young girl had watched their exchange of gestures quietly until Sebastian took a hold of both of her hands.

“Will, you ever learn?” The German questioned softly while smiling sadly. “Do not waste your energy on what other people have to say. You’re such an amazing and strong young woman.”

“That doesn’t change what they say about me,” Emma said, before she got her phone, showing Seb and Lewis a few things. To be true Sebastian was taken aback about how cruel people were. He never expected so many people to speak up about Emma just because she was a woman and all these accusations that she used her body. It was disgusting to see the level to which people lower themselves to attack an eighteen-year-old girl.

Seb wanted to give her some advice, but he was at a loss of words, for the first time in a very long time. They have written something about him as well but never in the same area as Emma. Okay, they’ve accused him of being gay for quite a long time, with what he would be totally okay, to begin with but it was simply not the same. Emma definitely wasn’t okay with the things people said about her. Besides, she was still too young to ignore all this. Young people like Emma took criticism to heart, even if it came from a faceless stranger on the Internet and was not even remotely constructive. These texts were aimed to hurt and hurt they did.

It was Lewis, who put his hand down on Emma’s after placing down the phone. “With all due respect Sebastian, I think I can give better advice this time," Lewis said, which let Sebastian nod shortly. All he could do right now was offering his friends support, which he gladly did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know what you think of this piece of work.


	11. Being Honest with yourself

# Chapter Eleven: Being Honest with yourself

Absent and tired, Emma stared down at the cup of coffee standing in front of her at the table. She didn't want to drink the stuff, but it would have been a good idea to sober up a bit before she flew home. She didn't swallow a sip of the disgusting airport brew. Just couldn’t bring herself to do this to her body. Not able to force something down her throat after all the wine she downed.

Sometimes she asked herself why she still drank wine even though she knew it brought her the worst headache. Maybe it was group compulsion. Emma also wanted to look cultured like Seb and Lewis, so she ordered wine with dinner even though it tasted awful. Yeah, stupid mistake, like the most things she did lately.

Emma couldn’t understand why she kept buying the overpriced shit when she was at an airport. Perhaps because it kept her anxiety somewhat in check to establish a certain routine in her volatile life.

The young Austrian sighed as she checked the time on her phone, ignoring the messages from her team and her parents in the process. It was just before three in the morning and the gate was almost completely empty. There were not many people who took a flight at that time, but Emma would do anything to get out of London as quickly as possible. Most were still busy celebrating or were already in their beds so they could leave tomorrow morning. But Emma was always a little bit special.

“Please tell me you can't get that crap down either.” A familiar voice told her, before the man dropped down in the seat next to her, setting his own coffee down at the table as well. Emma looked at the Brit next to her.

“Just try to get the headache under control.” She told Lewis, who looked at her over the rim of his cup, taking a sip, but he immediately pulled a face at the horrible burned taste and put the cup down again. "That's gross." he murmured causing Emma to smile.

“Though I would be the only one to flee Silverstone first opportunity given.” She told the Brit, not looking up at him, just starring at the brownish liquid in her cup.

“Are you leaving to see him?” She questioned quietly, which caused Lewis to exhale softly. He really didn’t know. Nico was alone in Monaco, his wife and kids somewhere else, he couldn’t even bring himself to ask, as Nico texted him.

“I’m leaving for Monaco.” He told her truthfully. But he didn’t want to go and see Nico either. Maybe he should stay in the UK. A lonely home, without a partner, only his adorable dogs waiting for him.

“I … I don’t know if I want to see him.” He added quieter, as Emma smiled softly. She knew that Lewis loved Nico unconditionally. It just hurt so much that Emma also understood that Nico didn’t love Lewis in the same way. 

“If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention, Lewis.” She told him before she shoved the cup of coffee away. She would rather have a bottle of vodka instead and she could tell, that Lewis felt the same way.

“Were you ever in love? I mean true love. The kind of love when it hurts, when you’re not right beside him. When you feel like there is nothing in this world which can stop you to go and see him. When you feel like you finally belong somewhere?” He questioned while starring into her tired stormy blue eyes.

Lewis wasn’t angry with Emma. He knew that the girl meant no harm. The young Austrian was simply concerned about her friend and Lewis was grateful for that but sometimes, sometimes he was sick of her comments. The eighteen-year-old, which was never before in love gave him advice on how to do better. Maybe she was right, cause she was able to see the logical side of all this, but she could never even guess what Lewis felt when he was with Nico before all the self-hate made a reappearance, telling him that he is a dirty mistress and nothing more for Nico.

“Listen, Lewis, I’m sorry when I crossed a line. I just want you to be happy.” She apologised sincerely, which caused Lewis to shake his head softly, after reaching out to take her hand.

“No, I’m sorry. That was out of place. I shouldn’t have said that. I know that you only take care of me.” Emma nodded shortly before she smiled sadly at her friend.

“But you were right. I don’t know what it feels like. Sometimes I wish I would but…” Emma stopped. She couldn’t end the sentence without hurting Lewis. Because it was true, Emma truly wanted to know what it feels like to be so in love, but then she thinks about what Nico did to Lewis. Which power he willingly gave the German over him and how scary it is to be hurt by someone you truly love.

“Loving any of us is a death sentence, isn’t it?” He said matter of fatly, which caused Emma to look at him, before taking the hand he let rest on the table.

“Yeah, I guess.” She whispered back.

“You know. Until today I’m confused. I don’t know if he is a good memory or a bad. He was just … it was scary and I was too young to give him what he wanted back then. I was too stubborn to bend and become the man he needed by his side. And now I regret the end. The way we couldn’t leave one another without wounds. This way we made it seem as if all the love we shared was wasted time.”

Lewis felt like he could say anything to Emma, and she would still understand. Maybe she wouldn’t have done or spoken the same things, but she always knew why he did what he did.

“You loved him. Can’t be waisted time then, huh?” Emma quizzed but she wasn’t so sure about the answer. From her perspective the answer was ‘It was waisted time’ but she would never tell Lewis that. Maybe she saw the whole time too cold, too logic.

“I truly don’t know, Emma. I truly don’t know.”

Love is scary, it's the scariest thing in the world, according to Lewis himself. He's been telling Emma about that for years, ever since the first time, he cried in his motorhome hidden away from prying eyes and the young girl just barged in like she always did. At first, she thought her friend was seriously hurt until Lewis sat her down in his lap and told her about love and heartbreak. He was the first one ever who mentioned issues like that to the young Lauda. And Emma listened. Collected every information Lewis was willing to share with her like it was water in the desert. Reading books about this matter and having someone, who really knew about it was very different. This day, Emma realised that heartbreak wasn’t poetic.

She still remembered the tears in Lewis’s eyes and the soft smile on his face as he talked about the way love can hurt without meaning to and about the uncertainty that's always looming somewhere in the back of one's mind.

Emma remembered hugging Lewis just a little tighter and the way he tried to comfort her lovesick friend. This weekend she stood by his side like a bodyguard. Glaring at Nico whenever she had the chance to.

They were children back then, well Emma was, and yet it stuck with her and Lewis wasn't entirely wrong. Love is scary. And Emma can only imagine how scary it must have been back then for Lewis to talk about it. Of course, Emma didn't fully understand it back then but she thought that she couldn't have offered any more help than she did anyway, distracting him from the pain and the sadness with actions rather than big words like the adults always did.

* * *

Sometimes looking back at your own story, rereading all these chapters is way harder than simply writing a new one. Ignoring all the pain, the mistakes and the aches. Everything which caused you to be the person you are today.

The young Austrian was resting on Max’s sofa in his apartment nursing a cup of coffee while watching the clearly uneasy Dutch walking up and down in front of the tv. At some point, Emma had simply pulled her knees towards her chest and rested her arms around her legs. This was about Max, she couldn’t let his nervousness trigger her anxiety.

“Max, please sit down.” She pleaded with him, her eyes closed, so she wouldn’t have to see him pacing around any longer. Max looked her up and down, seeing some of his own behaviour in her, which caused him to sit down next to her.

“It was nothing. I’ve it under control most of the time.” Max said with a heavy exhale. He felt like he was lying to her, but somehow, he needed Emma to believe that he was alright.

There was never a time Emma could remember when she didn’t know Max Verstappen. Remembering the good old day. Back then everything was different. Emma remembered Charles stupid long hair, little Lando joining them for the first times, all shy and scared and George’s ridiculous newly found flirt skills and the hardship Alex had to endure regarding his family. They were competing and fighting each other like the grownups in Formula One. Emma was sure she would never forget about how much fun they had in their early days, nevertheless.

The day she met Max Verstappen for the first time in her life, was still very fresh in her mind. He was this arrogant and stupid kid, which never packed down, rather destroying a few karts, than taking a step back. Emma couldn’t stand him and his stupid face.

Their relationship didn’t really come alive over the few years they were racing each other in karting. For Emma, Max was an idiot, who didn’t even know her name, until she pushed him off the track once. Since that day, he knew her name and he made sure to run her over as often as possible, which annoyed the Austrian only further. Emma never knew what Max thought about her.

Even the media figured out that they weren’t on good terms and made a whole story out of it. As Max walked away from karting, they still couldn’t stand each other, but it didn’t matter any further anymore.

Since then things have shifted between them. At first, they felt natural towards each other, not really bothered by the other one but that changed swiftly. Coughing each other in times of need repeatedly. Emma and Max suddenly became something along with the term ‘friends’, which shocked both of them.

The Austrian watched the young Dutch a little bit before she extended her hand towards him, without looking in his face, which caused Max to look up at her in question.

“I don’t know how to say this.” Admitted the young Austrian, but Max already knew what she wanted to say.

“You think I need a therapist.” Max guessed, which caused Emma to look over to him. Thinking about something to say, she nodded, before she clarified, what she really wanted to say. “I do think it would be a good idea to talk to an expert, yes.”

She told him softly, clasping his hand in reassurance. Emma knew Max and she realized that he was about to back off, but she couldn’t let him. This was important and when he needed a little push in the right direction, she was willing to do it. Even when it meant to tell him about her problems.

“There is nothing wrong with seeing someone to talk about things you feel you can’t tell anybody else.” She said gently, which caused Max to let go of her hand, before standing up.

“I'm not nuts or anything. I’m perfectly normal.” He told her hotly. Yes, he had panic attacks, but he found a way to copy. He wouldn't let anyone throw him in the nuthouse over one unfortunate episode.

“Seeing a therapist doesn’t mean you’re nuts.” She told him taken aback. Deeply hurt by his words. She knew it wasn't fair. Max would never have said that if he knew she was seeing a therapist or at least she hoped so, for his sake.

“It’s just one step away from the nuthouse,” Max told her matter-of-factly, causing Emma to sulk.

“Looks like you're pretty convinced you don't need any help. Then I won't waste any more of my time.” Emma informed him, as she got up from the couch as well, putting the half-empty cup down on the coffee table. She and no intention to stay and finish her drink.

Max huffed in annoyance, following Emma towards the main door. If she wanted to go, fine by him. It wasn’t his idea to talk about it in the first place. He was about to dismiss the whole topic anyway, as Emma spoke up again, leaning in the doorway.

“Just so you know. I’m seeing a therapist for over a decade by now and it saved my life. Just think about it.” She said before she left for the elevator, not caring what Max would think of her now.


	12. Chapter Twelve: Two sides of the same coin

# Chapter Twelve: Two sides of the same coin

Emma's been off her game all day. First, she yelled at Kiwi for bringing her sparkling mineral water instead of a non-carbonated one, and then she argued with Matteo about the setting in qualifying. Andrew avoided her all day, which was probably for the best, and James just watched her from a distance. They all knew that something was off with her and that it was wise to keep their distance, the problem was that nobody would keep their distance during the press conference of the German GP.

Leaning against the wall, before the conference would start, Emma thought about Max and his texts. He was apologizing for what he had said three days ago in Monaco, but Emma wasn’t replying. She simply ignored him for now. She was far more concern about Lewis. 

Nico had obviously given him a bad time, again but the Brit didn't want to talk about what happened as they parted in Nice, which Emma reluctantly accepted. Unlike her German friend, who was desperate to help Emma with the media and the fans being unfair and giving her shit. Sebastian wasn't someone who gave in easily but for now, he was content that Emma would tell him everything which was heavy on her mind. Sometimes he was even more insistent than Dorian, and it was his job to know about the whole mess that was going on in her head.

Emma didn't understand what was going on with Charles either. Somehow, he seemed to be avoiding her. He kept finding excuses why they couldn't meet and when she wanted to talk to him at the track, he was quick to leave with Pierre's help. Even when she had confronted the Frenchman, she couldn't get anything out of him, but she wasn't angry with Pierre. After all, Emma was silent herself when Daniel Ricciardo tried to extract what was going on with Max from her earlier today. The only one of her trusted friends who was behaving normally at the moment was Fernando, and he was hardly ever there. He usually took a siesta in his driver's room. The whole thing had become crazy and now Emma had to waste her time in a press conference.

* * *

"Let's go on with another question." The Interviewer said before adding something really quiet, but Emma caught it still. "Before people throw punches at each other."

"Emma. You just won your first race, something a lot of drivers never achieve in their hole carrier. How does that feel?" Everybody in the room was looking at her exceptionally. The other drivers who have actually won once or more times looked at her with a certain glimmer in their eyes, recalling their first win as well.

Emma just shrugged her shoulders before she answered monotone. "Nice I guess." She said causing Daniel to look over at her in disbelieve. "That's all. You guess it felt nice?!" He questioned her.

"Yeah. I race to become a world champion and winning races is a needed part to achieve this goal." People were looking at her, not understanding how cold the young woman could see racing. The thing she should be most passionate about.

To be true Emma was passionate about it, she simply had no intention for people to say she’s an overemotional woman and therefore not good for the sport or some bullshit along the line again. It was never her intention to sound so disinterested.

* * *

"Colder than Niki could ever be!? Have you read any of the headlines today? That's not even the best. No burning desire to win, just doing the job!" James asked his daughter as he furiously slapped the newspaper down in front of her on the kitchen table. Emma was seated with her phone and a nice cup of coffee next to her father, who killed his husband with glances right now. Niki could be never angry with his precious little girl but furious with James for racing his voice while addressing his daughter.

"You’ve told me to never get bothered by what the media is writing about me," Emma said once again very monotone, which caused James just to become angrier.

"DON'T YOU HAVE ANY COMMON SENCE??!" He screamed throwing his cup of coffee against the wall behind her, just barely passing her head, which caused Niki to stand up immediately. Noticing the scared expression on his daughter's face.

James rarely got that angry but when he did it was because of his daughter and the only one who could bring him back from his wrath would be his husband.

"DO THAT EVER AGAIN AND I WILL LEAVE YOU JAMES! YOU NEARLY HIT HER! OUR DAUGHTER, OUR BLOOD YOU ASSHOLE!!" Niki wasn't one to scream or act up at all any longer. He was rather cold and calculation but when someone attacked his family, he would tear them apart. Even James, they all knew that. 

* * *

Sitting alone in the living room of their hotel suite James thought back to the last time Emma had kept a secret from them. He nearly lost her.

Once, not that long ago Emma ignored her parents' orders and went along with the man she like during that time.

She broke rules without care or so much of a thought. She lost her virginity with that boy while being very hight on some dangerous drug, which is why she didn't count that as her first time. She didn't remember a thing about it, just being hurt afterwards.

When you asked Emma Lauda about her first time, then she told you about the chilly but beautiful night in the trailer with her racing sweetheart and first love but that was a story for another time. To be true that guy was just number three, but Emma would never tell him that.

James figured out that the guy Emma was seeing was way older than his daughter and that she had lied about her whereabouts to him and Niki rapidly. So, he decided to do the only thing which would work for sure. He would embarrass her in front of this man and his friends. But he would have never expected to find her in the condition he did.

All Emma remembered about that night was James, and how he stormed into that room and hit the man so hard into his stupid face that he blacked out. She looked shocked at her dad, her otherwise so easy-going, nice, and calm daddy, who went to her on the bed without saying anything. Just stepping over the other man before covering his daughter in the white blanket, she was partly laying on. James clenched his hand as he saw the blood dripping from her ankle. He would kill him, wouldn't he have to take care of his clearly hurt daughter.

He let his gaze wander through the room. Empty glass bottles and transparent packets with colourful pills lay around everywhere. It reeked of pot and James could see white powder on the coffee table.

Emma was confused and scared as her dad lifted her up before walking throw the house with her on his way to the car. On of the guy wanted to stop him from leaving with Emma in his arms, but one stern glance from the father was enough for the youngster to back off. The Brit wasn’t sure if he was happy about that or not. What would have happened if it wouldn’t have been him but a total stranger? Shaking his head, he couldn’t think about that now. There would still be time when Emma was safe and sound at home. But he had already decided that he would definitely kill her when she survived the night.

"Dad?" The youngest of the Lauda-Hunt clan questioned, but James knew if he would look down at her right now, he would lose it. He hoped so much that Emma wouldn't come after him in that kind of way. James wanted his little girl back but on that day their relationship changed. Emma was still his daughter but no longer his little girl.

As soon as he seated her down next to his seat, he grasped her face a little bit rougher than he intended to, which caused Emma to moan in pain, but he ignored it.

"Tell me what drugs you did!" He told her sternly, something her cool dad never did, before gripping her harder. James never wanted to hurt his daughter, but he needed to know that. After a few more minutes the young Austrian understood how important it was to tell her dad even when she was ashamed of herself now.

The Brit knew a few things about drugs and was glad to hear that they didn’t have to go to the hospital. Their name would have been damaged forever and Emma’s carrier would have been over before it even started.

James sight and watched his daughter shivering at the cold. They were on their way home, the drugs she did weren't something James couldn't handle. He was just glad Niki wasn't home to see their daughter like this. He considered turning up the heat a little bit but in the end, he didn't. They were just about ten minutes away from home now and James secretly wanted her to suffer a little bit. Proving his point. Maybe it was wrong, but he had worked so had to make a decent human being out of his daughter and now she was throwing everything out of the window. He felt like she deserved a little payback for that.

That night he slept next to her bed on the floor making sure her heart was still beating, and she was breathing just fine. Of course, her body struggled a lot with putting up with the drugs without help but that was normal. They could have gone to the hospital which would have made it easier for Emma, but also longer and their name would have been damaged. It hurt James to see his daughter suffer it truly did, but a cold withdrawal might have been a better lesson for her further life.

The Brit gently brushed her sweaty strains of hair out of her face while thinking about the reason why she could have done that. In the end, he came up blank and tired. His daughter was just like him in ways he always hoped she wouldn't.

The next day he woke his daughter as soon as the sun was rising to scream at her for more than a few hours. He nearly hit her once or twice that day, but he always stopped himself in time, not because Emma wouldn't deserve it, she really did but because of Niki. He would never forgive James when he would even consider laying a hand on their daughter.

"Niki will never know anything about this." He told his crying daughter, with his from screaming ruff voice, before leaving her behind in her room.

Niki came home on the same day later and James was amazed by their daughter. Emma acted like every other day, until he realised, that the time he could see right throw his daughter's smiling face was long gone. He didn't wish to know who many times she actually already had broken their rules and trust.

* * *

James watched his daughter on the podium three days later. Claiming a second place for McLaren and for her name in Germany. Maybe he wasn’t the worst parent after all. He was sure that this man was standing somewhere in the crowd nevertheless. His boy had just missed the podium and James was sure there would be hell to pay for that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a little bit of background information for today, hope you enjoyed it.


	13. In vino veritas

# Chapter Thirteen: In vino veritas

It's almost 4 am and Max can't sleep. He's managed to fall asleep before twice that night and he's woken up twice before, sweating and breathing heavily, and falling back asleep hasn't been easy but he's managed to do it and now he's wide awake and yet he's unbelievably tired and his eyes hurt in the darkness of his bedroom. There is a weird emotion filling every fibre of his body and his chest feels tight, making breathing harder now.

Guilt. There's guilt swimming somewhere in the back of his mind and his heart feels a little broken. He's sad, unsure, overwhelmed and he knows that it's his own fault. The uncertainty, the what-ifs, they are all his fault. There are a million things and not a single coherent thought on his mind at the same time, making his head hurt and confusing Max in his barely awake but not asleep enough state.

He knows what's going on inside his head and at the same time he doesn't, can't put it together like puzzle pieces with incompatible edges that look like they just have to be next to each other in the bigger picture in the end. He drags his heavy limbs and tired bones across the mattress that feels so foreign after being away for too long until he faces the window, hidden away behind the curtains that barely allowed some of the pale moonlight to dip his room into a soft blue glow.

Max focuses on the light, carefully taking in his surroundings, feeling the firm mattress underneath his body, the blanket that rustles whenever he moves, the warmth contrasting with the cool night air that's filling his room. He tries to ground himself that way, calming his nerves down so he can think clearly because Max really has to think. He has to think so he can make things right and he has to think to find a way to put the chaos in his brain into words.

He thinks back to the things his father used to tell him growing up and he knows that it wasn't the good kind of parental advice he received, which is probably the reason why it stuck with him for so long.

* * *

Being woken up in the middle of the night by a loud knock on your main door wasn’t any fun and Emma prayed for whoever decided to do so, that they had very nice health insurance. She quickly pulled one of her hoodies over her head before she left her bedroom. Apparently, whoever it was, was desperate to talk to her right now.

“Um Himmels Willen. Ich komm ja schon. Noch nie was von Nachtruhe gehört?” She murmured under her breath. Complaining in German didn’t stop the knocking, but Emma felt better when she swore a little bit in her mother tongue. Like the good old days.

She stumbled over her racing bag in the hallway, which she actually meant to clear out after talking to Seb, but finally in her tiredness forgot about. She was just able to steady herself on the wall before she hit the ground. Annoyed, she brushed her hair out of her face and straightened up again while the knocking became louder and more annoying. Worried that whoever it was would wake up the neighbours, she finally reached the door. Emma wondered why she couldn’t just go and open the door like a normal person. Life would be so much easier if she would be normal.

Finally opening the door Emma was surprised to see Max standing in her doorway. He looked at her apologizingly.

“It might be a good idea to see a therapist.” He told her and Emma couldn’t stop herself, as she raised her eyebrow at him, but she could stop herself from telling him, that it would be an even better idea to go see a surgeon if he ever wanted to race ever again.

Never wake a sleeping dragon, hence that was fucking basic knowledge. Was she the only one whose parents read fairy tales to their kid? However, because she didn't want to sound like a psychotic maniac, she decided to say something else. 

“And you just had this epiphany in the middle of the night, which is why you wanted to tell me about it right away?” She questioned, which caused Max to shrug.

“I’m also here to … kind of … apologise.” he admitted.

“Kind of? In the middle of the night?” She asked to clarify because it really made no sense to her which in return, irritated Max.

“Would you please just get over the fact, that it is the middle of the night.”

“How about I wake you in the middle of the night, the only night this week you actually had a good night sleep so far and then tell you to simply suck it up, buttercup.” Emma simply challenged.

Max exhaled softly before he nodded slowly. “Okay you must be really tired, so I will pretend you’ve never said that, … _buttercup_.” He told her before he continued speaking.

“But you’re right. I shouldn't have barged in like that.” Why is it no longer surprising to Emma that Max doesn't apologize with a word when he does something wrong? Although he now admits to her when he has done something wrong but he never says he is sorry or asks her to forgive him.

Rolling her eyes, Emma took a step inside her apartment. She considered just closing the door in front of Max’s nose, but he was here in the middle of the night so it must have been something important, therefore she let him in despite her better judgment.

“Come on in before my neighbours murder you.” She told him, walking into her kitchen to make them some coffee. This would be a long night and all she wanted to do was to crawl back into bed. Max closed the door behind him quietly, kicking off his shoes, before following Emma. 

“Everybody has a chapter they don’t read out loud, huh?” He started, after accepting the mug of coffee Emma handed him. The young Dutch wasn’t sure how to express regret about what he has said, but starting with the fact, that Emma was seeing a therapist seemed an acceptable start to him.

“You could say that. It’s not like I tell everybody I meet straight away that I’m nuts.” Emma was still defensive. It didn’t suit her well, what he had said even though Max didn’t know she was seeing a therapist.

“I never meant to imply that. I still can’t imagine a reason why you would see a therapist.” protested Max. Looking down at his fingers, which were holding onto his mug tightly.

“It concerns you that I said it saved my life." Realised Emma.

“Kinda.” Agreed the young Dutch. As a result, Emma decided to be brave. When she wanted to help Max, she needed to give him a reason to trust her. Max was a very old school kind of character. Give him a secret and he will give you one in return provided he trusts you.

“Want to play a game? You guess what it is and every time you’re wrong, you must take a sip. Every time you’re right. I have to take one.” Max nodded, which caused Emma to take the two mugs with her into the kitchen, before coming back with a full bottle of tequila.

At first, Max was taken aback by the bottle, slightly worried about the fact that he was a lightweight, but it didn’t bother him further. He thought he was a rather good guesser. Emma set down opposite from him on the sofa, shoving the bottle into his hands, before taking off her hoody. Showing off her black silk nightwear with white lace.

In the beginning, Max felt a little bit uncomfortable with Emma sitting in front of him in such sexy nightwear but then again it was here apartment he bargained into in the middle of the night and it was opaque besides he already had seen her in a rather sexy bright yellow swimsuit.

“Start guessing,” Emma told him, which caused Max to think about it a little bit. There was one thing he was almost certain about.

“It’s partly your mother’s fault.” The young Dutch guessed, causing Emma to take her first sip.

She never talked about that woman and Max knew nobody who was aware of the identity for Emma’s mother other than Emma and her parents.

“She mistreated you.” Another sip from Emma. He was sure, she wouldn’t tell him anything further about that woman, even when he tried to press the topic, so he didn’t.

“Your dads fucked up as well.” Max joked a little bit unsure. He wasn’t too keen on talking ill about her parents. They were clearly good people. Emma simply shook her head at Max’s joked question.

“Take a sip, Max.” He did as he was told, which caused Emma to smile a little bit at his expression. Max was definitely not much of a drinker.

“You have anxiety.” He said, which caused Emma to take a sip. She didn’t know if Max guessed this one thing, or if it was clear to him, because of the situations he had already seen her in.

“Your first love broke your heart.” Emma took a sip, without saying anything, so Max asked further.

“He slept with someone else?” Max said confidently but was wrong.

“Take a sip.” The young Austrian ordered.

“He dumped you?” Was his next question, but wrong guessed.

“Take a sip.” She asked him again to take a sip, which Max did with a confused look.

“He did things without your consent?” He asked a different question but was glad that it was him who had to take a sip.

“Oh ehm … He hurt other people.” Max guessed, but yet again Emma shook her head before she told him to drink.

Max thought about asking further but decided, that he would rather be the one, who ordered people to drink, so they simply switched, but Emma was way better at this game, then he was.

She figured out, that it was about his dad, that he wasn’t only strongly mental abused by him but also physically. He even showed her the scar he carried just below his left collarbone from being broken with an empty bottle of beer. Emma figured out all of this, without taking even one sip, which got Max in quite a state, but he still was fully in control of himself. Just a little bit bolder.

They did a few more question, which caused Emma to drink quite a high percentage of the tequila this time until they weren’t playing anymore. Max told her a little bit of his life with his father and Emma listen closely. Now the bottle was used whenever one of the two youngsters felt like it was needed. They talked and talked until they weren’t talking anymore at all. Moving it all into Emma's bedroom.


	14. Nothing can fix a lifetime of renunciation

# Chapter Fourteen: Nothing can fix a lifetime of renunciation

Biting his lips so hard he drew blood, Charles knew he was stupid. Talking with Emma was always the easiest thing in the world. They were friends, when not best friends, but he couldn’t look at her right now. Not since he had seen her leave Verstappen’s hotel room. Her stormy blue eyes locked on him, while she bit her lower lip in concern. Charles had seen this expression often, especially after his father had died and Jules, but he had never seen that directed towards Verstappen. It was wrong. He wasn’t one of them. She shouldn’t take care of him.

Charles wondered if it was jealousy which made his hearth this heavy. Pierre had listened to all his bullshit and even helped him to hide himself from Emma, but the Frenchman clearly told him, how silly he was behaving, particularly because Emma had no clue why he was acting like a fed-up child.

“She should know,” Charles told Pierre, as they were sitting together on Charles balcony in Monaco. The Monegasque was sick of his best friend not paying him any mind. She was so…

She was fully occupied with Max Verstappen. To be honest, Charles knew it was probably his fault. He had urged Emma to make friends with the Dutchman so they could finally see through his game, but Max was a good player. He took Charles' best friend from under his nose without him even noticing at first.

Suddenly Emma didn't have time for Charles anymore, because she would meet Max for training or in a club and if she ever took the time to see him, she would hang on her phone all the time and smile at Max's messages. It made Charles sick. He loved Emma and losing her was more than he could ever take, not after everything that had already happened.

“You know that Emma has a soft spot for the broken and the lost. Max is both. She just tries to help him.” Pierre reminded Charles, which let the Monegasque nod. He loved Emma for that.

“I still remember her as the girl who watered dead plants because she didn’t know how to accept that sometimes things just have to end,” Charles told Pierre fondly thinking about the memory.

“She just traded plants for people,” Pierre said with a shrug. 

“You don’t know that.” Charles shot back. Charles was the one who knew her best and he would always protest that someone else knew her quite as good as the Monegasque did.

“I know her enough,” Pierre said, eyeing Charles a little bit worried. “She’s fucking impetuous and a little too bold and way too fucking fearless. Emma always felt the pain of the humankind. She was always this tiny fragile creature with a heart open and raw for the world to take.” 

Maybe Pierre was right. Charles thought about talking to her as soon as possible. He vowed that he would call her in the morrow. Emma was Emma after all.

* * *

They’re wrapped up in each other, the duvet bunched up around them as Emma slowly moved over Max. Their bodies are sliding against each other with sweat, they’re so close, Max’s arms wrapped around her waist pulling her in as close as possible, her own fingers buried into Max’s sweaty hair.   
  
It’s overwhelming, all of her focus is on them, on the man underneath her. One of his strong arms wrapped around her, fingers digging into pliant flesh. On the way Max’s cock felt inside of her, stretching her open and dragging against her walls as she pulled herself back up from Max’s lap.   
  
She felt wet puffs of air fall against her chest, where Max had pressed his face, his tongue flicking out to lap up the sweat, making her mouth fall open into a moan where she’s got it pressed into Max’s drenched hair. It’s too hot, the Austrian evening breeze coming through the open balcony doors not nearly enough to cool their heated bodies down.   
  
“Oh, Gott.” she breathed out softly, another gasp falling from her lips as she let herself slide back down over Max just right. She shivered against the feeling, the grip of her fingers on Max’s hair tightening, a soft hiss sneaking through Max’s clenched teeth.   
  
One of Max’s hands falls to her ass, his grip tight on her cheek as he helped Emma push herself back up, her legs starting to strain and shake underneath her as she does so. She’s so close, they’ve been at it for at least an hour now, her pleasure slowly building inside her body until now, now when she felt ready to burst open.   
  
Lazy foreplay had turned into lazy sex. She can still feel where Max’s lips had first pressed into the skin of her collarbone, the bruise there dark and purple now. The way he’d kissed his way down her spine, licking over and nipping at her skin until it felt like her back was on fire. How he’d flipped her over with his strong hands and had pulled her into his lap, kissing her over and over again as Emma had sunk down over him.   
  
Her mind is lost in the pleasure from an hour, minutes, seconds ago, as wave after wave of pleasure runs through her body at the same time, overwhelming all of her senses. Her muscles are aching, screaming for her to stop as she let herself fall back down again, her fingers start to tingle and the smell of sweat is pungent in her nostrils as she breathes in through her nose harshly, her face still pressed into Max’s hair.   
  
“Close.” she felt Max breathe out, his lips moving against Emma’s chest. Max’s nose dragged over one of her nipples, before his tongue drags over it slowly and wet, making her moan out at the feeling.   
  
“Yeah. Me too.” She answered, even though Max hadn’t been asking her a question. She could feel her own orgasm on the tip of her tongue, the tingling of her fingers making her itch as she pulled herself up once more. Max pulled back slightly, blinking away the sweat from his eyes as he looked up at Emma, his pupils blown and soft groans falling from his open mouth as their eyes meet.

Her mouth fell open against the top of Max’s head, fingers clenching around the blonde strands at the back of his head once more as her orgasm wrecks through her body. Her tired legs trying desperately to keep moving, dragging the last bits of pleasure out until they give in, her body sinking down against Max heavily. She felt Max’s hip trying to buck up under her weight as he chases his own release. She clenches down around him tightly, delighting in the hissed curse that falls from Max’s lips before his movements still.   
  
She unclenches her fingers from Max’s hair, the tips of them feeling numb now, and wraps them around Max’s cheeks instead, pulling the other’s lips towards her own. They kiss just as lazily as they’ve been doing everything all night, their tongues dragging against each other as their lips smack softly.   
  
As she pulled away from the kiss, she looked down at the blissful expression on Max’s face, his eyes closed and a pleased little smile tugging on his lips. She pressed in once more, just a quick peck against those redraw lips, and then she tried to untangle herself from the man. Max lets out a displeased sound as he felt Emma trying to move away, his arms wrapping around her waist again, pulling her back close.

“Stay here tonight,” Emma whispered against his lips, which caused Max to grin at her. “Want me to make you breakfast in the morning huh?”

“You’ve just volunteered.” She sighed softly, running her fingers through Max’s sweat-soaked hair and knows that there’s an equally blissed-out expression on her own face as she let Max pull her back in, as she let Max pull her back down with him when she laid back down against the ruined bed. Right now, she let herself bask in this feeling, this feeling of absolute bliss.

She felt Max’s lips move against her neck, a mumbled “Alright. I’m staying.” being pressed against her skin and she can’t help but smile as she buried her face into Max’s own neck and whispers back “I’m glad.” 

* * *

After a long time, the still laid there in silence. Their breathing became steadier with every second. Lazily, Emma painted various patterns with her fingers on Max's chest as he gently played with her hair. “We’re good?” Max asked, breaking the blissful silence between them.

The question actually made Emma smile. “Sure.” She promised him, but the young Dutch wasn’t so sure about that. For him sleeping with Emma had changed a few things, for example, she definitely wasn’t the bro type anymore.

“Really? You’re not coming after me when I don’t call you for a week?” Max told Emma about the little scenario which had played out in his head for the last few minutes. It surely wasn’t pleasurable.

Turning around Emma supported her weight on her elbow, causing Max to let go of her hair. “First, just because I didn’t immediately kick you out of my bed doesn’t mean you have to be all sassy and second, you would never survive a week without at least texting me. I have proof of that.”

Max smiled at that. It was true, that they spent quite a lot of time calling or texting each other. He was glad that they still were bickering around like they always did. Maybe Emma was right, and nothing will change between them, but the young Dutch wasn’t sure if he would manage to not touch Emma. Going back to what it was before didn’t feel about right.

“I just. I don’t want things to change. I like it the way it is between us.” To tell the truth, he liked the physical contact even more. He liked it when Emma hugged him or when she nudged him with her shoulder. They were so much closer than he was with any of his other friends.

“It changes nothing, Max. We were friends before and we’re friends now.” Emma promised again, but Max wasn’t listening anymore.

Max eyes laid on Emma’s full rosy lips, carefully, not to starlet her he traced the outline of her lip. He let his thumb rest slightly on her full lower lip before sliding his fingers down her chin. Only to pull her into a lingering kiss.

They did not know how long they had been just laying here, but it must have been a long time. After all, a new day was already approaching. Sunbeams were chugging through the curtains in Emma’s bedroom. It would soon be time to get up and set off for the next race, but neither of them wanted to mention it and destroy the peaceful moment.

* * *

Emma was in the shower while Max wondered through her apartment, collecting all his clothes, which were discarded over the whole place. He was just about to put his shirt on, as a phone started to ring. At first, he wanted to ignore it, but as he had seen the name flash across the screen and the picture of the Monegasque, he couldn’t stop himself from answering Emma’s phone. Maybe she would be angry with him later for doing that, but for now, he really wanted to talk to Charles. For the first time in his life probably.

“Je suis bête et désolé.“ Was the first thing Charles said as Max picked up, which let the Dutchman smile. His French maybe wasn’t the best but so much he understood. Still, what would the world be without a little tease?

“Mate I don’t understand a word,” Max told Charles, making sure his accent was extra thick, so the Monegasque would figure out who he was talking too faster. 

It was quiet on the other end of the line. Clearly the Sauber driver was thinking very intensely about what he would reply now. Leclerc decided on the simple thing.

“Who are you and why do you have Emma’s phone.” Charles knew, who he was talking to, but he wouldn’t give Max this satisfaction. Not when he picked up Emma’s phone at nine in the morning.

“You were right. You really are stupid.” The Dutch simply commented.

“Verstappen.” Charles was in fact already snarling the Dutch’s name, which caused said Dutch to laugh, before he decided that he had teased Charles enough for now. In the end, he had called for a reason.

“Oh, don’t take it too seriously. She’s showering at the moment. You want me to give her a message or you have her call you back?” He asked way friendlier that Charles had heard he speak ever before, but the Monegasque was bitter. He told Max simply, that he would call Emma later again, to which Max replied that he shouldn’t call too late, because then the possibility was high that he would have to talk with him again.


	15. Men are stupid

# Chapter Fifteen: Men are stupid

Life had a hilarious sense of humour. Fucking you over whenever you think you finally found solid ground to build your life on. Yeah, well nope. Life had other plans.

It’s like when you try to stand up on an air mattress in a swimming pool. It’s so fucking hard to even knee on this thing and when you finally succeed in standing up, you feel phenomenal, like nothing can stop you like you finally figured out how it works and in the next moment, you’re underwater because the stupid thing wasn’t quite keen on you standing on it.

Life was like that. Emma felt like she could finally let go of her own toxic ambition, that she could open up to Max. Help him through his own struggles, but life was a very angry sarcastic bitch. And Max and Emma, stupid and afraid teenager.

They were still friends, even though they didn’t speak about their night together. It was like nothing ever happened. They joked around, texted and called each other, but some things have changed. Their touches lingered a little bit too long to just be platonic and their hugs were too long as well.

A few other drivers started to suspect something has happened with the two of them. Especially Charles was fuming with anger and even Fernando was not very pleased by this situation. His teammate shouldn’t mingle with the younger red Bull driver. Max was not good company for the young Austrian in his eyes, that the two suddenly delivered better results interested Fernando little, but it was the reason why James and Christian were not against the newly found friendship between the children. Maybe it was even good for them to have someone to talk to who understands what they are going through. 

While the press had a field day. Writing stupid things like ‘Lauda finally tamed the Lion?’ and ‘F1 Royalty, Dynasties to merge!’ at first it annoyed both of them, but they never spoke bout it with each other. Emma ran to Sebastian and Lewis asking them for advice, while Max tried to fight his battle on his own. 

They tried to follow Seb and Lewis advice, keeping their heads down for a while. Spending time with each other but not touching that much. Everything worked out fine and the press lost interest in them until Monza.

* * *

“Tell me again, why the fuck we’re doing this?” Emma called out to Lewis, who was jogging a few feet in front of Emma, while occasionally sipping on his green smoothy. The Brit and Emma’s Canadian trainer teamed up against her, which somehow ended with Lewis and Emma running a few laps on the Hungaroring.

“I thought you’re an athlete. Maybe I was wrong.” The Brit smiled. Emma had stopped, her hands on her knees while she tried her best to suck in some air, for which her lungs thanked her. The Brit must have been some kind of weird hybrid. Between an immortal god-like being and a gazelle. Emma hated him for his fitness. God Lewis was old, compared to her. Maybe it was time to quit smoking once and for all. Even though she rarely smoked only when she was out with friends.

“If I had more air... I'd give the sarcasm right back to you.” She told the Brit, getting dizzy from watching Lewis run in circles around her.

It's not like Emma's not athletic. She loved to swim. And she enjoyed playing volleyball and free climbing was something she would do every day, had she the possibility. Emma also used to play tennis so well that for a long time it was the alternative if she couldn't get a foothold in racing, but things like running or cycling were just not her style. Neither was football. The young Austrian didn't know why, but as soon as she had to touch the ball with her feet and not with her hands or a tennis racket, her ability to coordinate her limps was gone.

“Well, good thing that you’re out of breath then,” Lewis said, before stopping in order to take a sip from the crime some green brew, he always drank. Sometimes Emma wondered what the exact ingredients were but in the end, it was probably better she didn’t know. 

“Speaking of good things. I saw Nico. What are the chances that you guys already fucked?" She questioned, which caused Lewis to spit out his smoothy before coughing violently. Somehow Emma was proud of herself for this conclusion, even though she hadn’t seen Nico. It was Niki, who had told her over dinner yesterday, that the German would be over for the race.

“Jesus, girl you have a wicked tongue,” Lewis commented as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. Emma stained up again and looked at him expectantly.

“Do you want to revise this sentence, or should I just answer?” She questioned, which caused Lewis to just put his arm around her shoulder before the two of them walked back to the paddock.

“Just let us go back.”

* * *

Max was beyond pissed, another DNF because of the fucking power unit. He tried his best to make it throw the media without headbutting someone, answering the same questions over and over. He managed to control his temper better by now, which made Christian proud, but he still sent a PR person from Red Bull with Max, just to make sure the boy doesn’t do something stupid.

Max had his arms crossed over his chest and looked annoyed at the interviewer, maybe they would stop to ask stupid questions when he starred them down. Well, they did not. So, he dutiful answered a question, when a figure appeared a few meters further down on his right. At first, he thought it was just someone from the PR-team but then he caught on the mostly white race suit with the orange details.

“What are you doing here already?” He asked the McLaren driver next to him, breaking her and his own interview, with no care. She looked over to him, while she pushed all of her golden beach waves onto the right side, freeing her neck and left shoulder completely.

“The fucking power unit failed.” She said annoyed, opening her race suit and pushing the upper half down, securing the sleeves in a knot around her waist. Leaving little to imagine. Max thanked the designer of McLaren’s fireproofs to make them white. 

“Yeah, same,” May responded, which made Emma laugh a little.

“Nothing new, eh? Not with the shit power unit you guys have.” Emma ignored the interviewers and turned her back on them before leaning against the barrier, giving Max her undivided attention. As if they were standing somewhere private, talking about their teams and not as if prying reporters would like to stick their cameras and microphones in their faces.

“Well. I can’t even argue about that,” he admitted, watching Emma further. Accepting a water bottle and her black sunglasses from her part-time PR, missing Kiwi tremendously but the woman was sick, which handed Max a bottle as well, a shy grin on her lips and a light blush as Max thanked the girl. Emma raised a suggestive eyebrow as the girl left, Max shook just his head. She wasn’t his type. Max more liked the noisy once.

“God! You really need to relax and have more fun!” Emma groaned, watching Max expression.

“Says the workaholic. Every time I see you, you’re working.” He fired back, as Emma took a sip from the cold water, before playing with it a little bit.

“Then go out with me tonight. I could really need some drinks after that disaster of a race, and I know you could use some as well.” She suggested, which coughed Max a little bit off guard, but he agreed instantly. Telling her cheeky that he would teach her how to have a good time, which caused her to laugh.

“Sure thing, lion cub.” She said, pushing herself away from the barrier and reporter, before starting to walk away. “Pick me up at 10. I’ll text you my room number.”

* * *

You can’t really think that!” Max exclaimed over the loud music. He had to lean into Emma, so they could even speak with each other, but it was great fun. Max was leaning against the bar, while Emma sat on one of the barstools in front of him, not paying much attention to the other people in the club. Emma was sure she had seen Daniel, Charles and Pierre somewhere in the club, but her attention was fully on the Dutchman in front of her.

“But I do!” She called back. Discussing with Max, that men were stupid was far more fun than she thought it ever could be.

“For example. Tinkerbell was always there for Peter. But Peter … the little fucker. Well, he chose Wendy.” Emma was so proud of herself for this expression of her thoughts and expected Max not to comment further, but Max was not like most men.

“First, we don’t even know if Tinkerbell liked Peter in that way and second, she was a fairy. I’m not sure that would have even worked out. I mean physically. How would they do anything?” Max questioned, as he raised her bottle of tequila before pouring himself a shot.

“Shut up,” the other replied, snatching the bottle back. Max could already see the alcohol taking its toll on the younger of the two, the bad mental state, exhaustion and most likely lack of food making her lose all of her tolerance.

Deciding that he couldn’t deal with a drunk Emma sober, Max gulped down another shot. He was a lightweight and could already feel himself getting buzzed.

Emma mumbled something incoherent, standing up and walking over to the main part of the bar. She ordered some weird coloured cocktails, but Max didn’t mind. He knew that drunkish Emma didn’t either.

The Austrian returned, sitting closer to Max than before. The closeness got Max reaching for another shot, the other following his movements. One became two and Max was feeling drunk, his lightweightness catching up to him.

“Racing sucks sometimes.” From the sound of Emma’s voice, she wasn’t any better after pouring God-knows how many shots of tequila down her throat.

Max felt Emma snuggling up to him and looked down at the stormy blue eyes, resisting the urge to capture Emma’s lips in a kiss. His skin felt hot where the golden-haired touched him, making Max close his eyes and let out a sigh.

“Come on. I’ll take you home.” Max said and his intentions were truly honourable, but Emma's weren't. They had barely made it into Emma's hotel room. Stumbling over her backpack and suitcase, Emma decided to take it all to her bed.

Max felt himself getting pushed down on his back and a body straddling his waist. If he were sober, he would’ve stopped, would’ve talked to Emma before doing anything, but he wasn’t. They never were, when they slept with each other. Maybe he should think about that sometime. He wasn’t dead-on-his-feet drunk, but he was drunk enough to put his hands under the back of Emma’s shirt and rub the skin there with his fingertips.

The Austrian let out a content sigh and the sound made Max want to do so much more. Emma moved her torso down until she was face-to-face with the Dutchman and then her lips were at Max’s ear.

“Thank you,” she mumbled out, hot air making hairs on Max’s arms and legs raised. He replied with continuing his ministrations down Emma’s back, lower than before.

You’re going to regret this in the morning, the nagging voice at the back of his head spoke up again. But he hadn’t regretted the first time together either. Emma was amazing and Max truly liked and cared for her. She was so much Max couldn’t even describe her.

Emma made the first move, pressing her lips against Max’s in a messy, drunken kiss. Max could feel the tequila on her tongue and groaned, putting his hands on Emma’s ass and holding them there. It was a needy, hungry kiss that had both of them gasping for air after they pulled away.

The Austrian pressed her forehead against Max’s before kissing him again, this time slower but equally as hungry and wanting. Emma grinded against Max’s crotch, making the Dutchman moan loudly.

Emma chuckled against his lips, “You like that?”

“Very much,” Max gasped out.

Their night was a mess of drunken mutterings, limbs twisting with limbs and satisfaction equal to finishing first in a race. Max relished the sounds Emma made, how she begged and pleaded in German, accent thicker than usual.

By the time morning came, Max was gone, not ready to face the aftermath of the storm that was bound to come down on them. He couldn’t face Emma now, but he would call her later.


	16. Take a chance on me

# Chapter Sixteen: Take a chance on me

Sure, waking up to an empty and cold bed sucked, but somehow Emma was glad she didn’t have to face Max right now. It would have made so many things so much more complicated. She decided to get up and make sure she was ready for the departure. She could thing about Max the whole way back to Monaco. Her only problem was her parents were also staying in Monaco this week, which meant she had to share the house with them. Emma really needed her own private space.

Folding the clothes, she had bought with her and slotting the rest of her belongings between them, on top of them, anywhere. She finished far too soon, seeing the clock flash 6:00 as she zipped up the case.

The steadily rising sun shone through the window, drawing golden patterns on every surface in the room, and her thoughts turned to the previous night. They had been quiet, but to Emma, the noise was deafening. To admit her feelings for a certain Dutch-speaking man to herself was one thing but acting on them was something completely different. Sleeping with him again was a mistake. She had always seen these feelings for Max as something to bury. It couldn’t be helped, but she didn’t have to think about it either, and she could go on with her life and date random men and never think about Max again, and it had worked until now. They were just friends.

She really didn’t know what it was about Max. She knew she would have never acted on these feeling if it wouldn’t have been for Max to act on them as well.

Maybe Emma was known for her rather wasteful way when it came to men and her libido, but Max was something completely different. He was not some random stranger.

She had always been shy around him in that way, afraid of the consequences, never doing what she wanted to do, only what she knew was right or she thought people expected form her when it came to Max Verstappen. They had known each other since they were kids, not older than five years, but they hadn’t especially been friends. Emma had always kept her distance, and Max had been too busy to even notice her most of the time. She was just the annoying little kid, with her stupid Austrian accent and her ridiculous golden angelic curls, which somehow managed to beat him from time to time.

She couldn’t be with Max like that and she knew it, but deep down there was that spark of hope. Max had pulled it out from the depths of her soul and held it out to her, begging her to take it and be happy, and she had grasped it with both hands. The only thing they could do now was praying that the spark didn’t burn them.

Emma reached over and unplugged her alarm before it could go off. She did the final room checks, picking up her phone from the bed and…oh. The battery was on 3%. She had already packed her charger, right at the bottom of the suitcase. The young Austrian sighed and made her way, case in hand, to Fernando’s room. Reaching the Spaniard’s door she was about to knock when a hand reached around her, unlocking the door and letting her in from the outside.

Nando helped Emma to get her bags inside and hurried to open the curtains, bathing the room in natural light. It felt much bigger than Emma’s. The older McLaren driver had packed the night before, and his bags were neatly stacked by the desk. He stayed standing by the window, looking out at the awakening city. Emma walked over and sat on the end of the bed.

“Can I use your charger?” She questioned flipping her phone in her hands.

Nando let out a grunt of acknowledgement and gestured towards the desk, so the woman reached over and plugged her phone in, flicking the socket on and feeling relief wash over her as she saw the screen flash with a green battery. She fell back on the bed and rolled to the centre, staring at the ceiling. She was certain the room was nicer than her own. Another thing she had to talk about with James.

“Are we going back to Monaco today?” She knew they were, but she had nothing else to talk about and she hated silence. It allowed her thoughts to get so much louder.

“Well, you are. I’m going home.” The Spaniard said, watching the young woman for a moment, before reaching in his pocket, to take a look at his own phone.

“Oh yeah, Spain. Must be nice.” She answered, her head in the clouds. Max and last night got her all messed up. Alonso turned around and looked her, confusion painted across his face.

“Must be nice? Emma, you’ve been to my house.” Emma couldn’t help giggling as she propped herself up on her elbows to look at her older teammate. Alonso came and sat by her side, unable to hold back a sad smile as he looked at the youngster.

“When did you go to bed last night?” Emma shrugged, blushing slightly at the memories, before she reminded herself, that she was Emma Lauda and a Lauda wasn’t blushing, ever.

“I don’t know. Didn’t bother me much last night.”

“Oh, so you did spend the night with him?” She indignantly pushed herself upright. Emma searched his eyes for something but came but with nothing. He was a very good liar. The Spaniard would not allow himself to make a mistake, and yet he made one. He was careless and let Emma see what he was trying to hide, the reason why he would sneak back to his room at six in the morning.

“Well, you stayed the night with whoever you were waiting for last night when I passed you with Max.” This time it was Fernando’s turn to blush but other than the Austrian, his face betrayed him. Giving Emma a small shove on the shoulder, she fell down, rolling around the bed as if she had been shot.

“Owwwwww! You got me! I’ll never race again! How could you do this? James will never forgive you!” Alonso laughed and considered playing along, instead deciding to pull the younger driver up and onto her feet.

“Come on, it’s time for breakfast, no?”

* * *

Changing plans. The Lauda’s flew home to Spielberg. But Emma liked that quite well. She always felt saved there.

Just a few more steps and she would be back home, nearly seven hours too late, but she just lost count on the time, being an anonymous person in the mass of people was always something she enjoined more then she should.

It was exhausting being Emma Lauda, so she enjoyed being nobody for a while. Not facing all the people who were so determined on being better than her. Showing her that her name meant nothing. For a while she could pretend, she was just an ordinary girl. There was no need to play though and use a tone of sarcasm. There was no need to behave properly, covering all the little cracks in her mask. Because nobody cared.

Opening the front gate of the Lauda summer mansion with a code she punched in, she walked up the driveway towards the massive villa. _“I can do this, it’s nothing new.”_ She thought, brushing some of her golden hair behind her ear. _“And even if I can’t, I have to.”_ Her brain reminded her.

With a swift look at her watch, she sneaked up to the front porch. Her dad was going to kill her, so she needed a good excuse for breaking his trust once again. Especially after he told her yesterday that he wanted to talk to her at breakfast.

Just as she was about to open the door with her key, Adrian was faster. The man with the greyish hair looked at the young girl, shaking his head shortly. “Ms Lauda. We thought you might have forgotten the way home.” He said in a sarcastic but welcoming way, which caused Emma to smile before he checked his watch as well. “Lost count of the time once again?” He questioned, while stepping aside, so the lady of the house could enter.

“Something like that.” She told him with a throwaway gesture of her hand. Adrian was the keeper of the Lauda household as long as Emma could think. He was the one you asked, when you were looking for something or when you needed to know which events you had to attend, or which meetings were waiting for you. He simply managed everybody who wore the Lauda name, or Hunt.

“It's a good thing I made arrangements again." He said before he put a box in her hands that one of the maids had brought to him. He thanked her shortly before she vanished again. Even after all these years, Emma still didn’t know where they went when Adrian told them to leave. All she knew was that the girls where to her service whenever she needed one of them.

"You are lucky as always. You arrived almost at the same time as the baker's delivery. If your father asks, you've been in town buying some pastry. Spontaneous appetite would be an acceptable reason." He stated while walking towards the kitchen, where both of her fathers were seated with a newspaper in hand and coffee in their cups next to them. They both weren’t speaking, too coughed up in their daily newspaper.

“Thank you,” Emma whispered, after she kissed Adrian’s cheek. The man just nodded, before vanishing as well. He always left the family alone in the early hours of the morning. Well aware how much Niki Lauda liked to spend his time alone with his husband and daughter.

"Ah. Look, Niki, look who decided to finally come home." Said James, who had his arms crossed over his chest waiting for an explanation after putting the newspaper aside. His husband just rolled his eyes at him, as Emma put the box down in front of her father.

“I just went for some pastry dad. Nothing bad.” She lied without even blinking an eyelid, causing her dad to look at her with a raised eyebrow. He knew his daughter and he knew she was lying but without proof, he wasn’t going to get Niki’s support in this. The girl had them fully in her weak little hands.

“I brought you your favourites. Vanilla cream puff pastries.” She told Niki kissing his cheek in greeting, who opened the box with great interest.

“Thank you my darling.” He told his daughter softly, as he turned around with a smile on her lips, before getting herself a coffee as well.

James looked at Niki with a raised eyebrow in the meantime, which caused the Austrian to look up at his husband. His mouth still full of pastry. "Stop looking at me like that. This is not a prison. She can come and go as she pleases as long as she lets us know where she is and she told Adrian she was going to town.” He scream-whispered over to James, who just looked over his shoulder to see Emma was still busy with making her coffee.

"We both know he's lying for her." The older one scream-whispered back, causing Niki to shake his head, as James reached out for the pastry. “She has everyone raped around her little finger with her charm. All of them are lying in her favour.”

“No. You always accuse her of doing something forbidden. You don't get pastry." The three-time world champion told his husband, lifting the box and setting it down in his lap, where James couldn’t reach it.

Emma returned, wondering where the pastry went but in the end, she didn’t care at all. The young Austrian sat down on one of the barstools, one of her knees pulled against her chest, while she was sitting on the other. It didn’t look healthy at all, but Emma liked to sit like that.

“You’re father wanted to talk to you about something important,” Niki told her after a while, which caused his daughter to look up from the newspaper part she had stolen from her father.

“Is it about me moving out? Dad, I’m eighteen and Monaco isn’t that far away. I want more independence.” She responded not really paying attention until her dad put his newspaper fully away.

“Christian Horner called me yesterday. They’re impressed by your talent and your hard work. They have invited you for contract negotiations, if Daniel really wants to leave the team, they’re very interested in offering you a seat at Red Bull.”

Emma looked at her dad a little bit dumbfounded. She just turned eighteen and had already a seat at McLaren with Fernando Alonso as her teammate, other people her age are barely able to finish school. And Now Red Bull expresses its interest in her.

“Do you really think Daniel will leave Red Bull? And even when, I’m content at McLaren. I don’t think it’s the right time to step up into a bigger team.” She told her dad not sure what to say, but James shook his head.

“Becoming world champion. That’s your next goal. That was the goal all along. I can’t offer you that at McLaren but in a Red Bull you have serious chances to claim that title.” He told her sternly, causing Emma to become uncertain about the things she wants most, but her dad was right. She was a Lauda after all. Winning was something the Lauda’s had in blood. It would be wasted talent to not fight for the world champion title. She couldn’t afford to waist another year in a McLaren when Max Verstappen drove a Red Bull and Charles Leclerc stepped up to drive a Ferrari. Emma needed to step up as well, so she could fight the real battles at the top of the grid.

“James don’t,” Niki told him gently, as he took his daughter's hand. “You can do whatever you want to do Emma. I will always support you and I will always love you.” Emma was looking at her father as her dad scoffed.

“She was born to become a world champion, Niki. It’s now or never. Christian has made an offer and we will consider it. Do you really want her to waste her talent? Another year in a McLaren while Verstappen and Leclerc get comfortable on the top.”

“It’s Emma’s decision,” Niki told James sternly, which caused the Brit to nod his head. “And she will do what she feels is right.” The older Austrian added.

Of course, was Emma’s happiness important to him, he loved his daughter but he just knew that she would never be as happy as in a race car winning her first GP on her way to get the world champion title.

“Dad isn’t wrong. It is in our blood, so why should I waste my talent. I’m just worried I’m not ready yet. Red Bull is something else, they aren’t afraid of replacing their drivers.” Telling her parents about her doubts was important to Emma. They were always there for her, no matter what.

“I will talk with Cristian and Helmut. Nobody will do something like that to our daughter.” James told Emma but most importantly Niki, who wasn’t sure if this was the right way to get his daughter into one of the top teams. She was still so young.

Emma had a name, one which counts a lot in the world of Formula One. She was a Lauda and a Hunt, which almost guaranteed a win. Teams liked to take offsprings from great drivers under their wings because these kids knew how to handle the pressure and they also knew how Formula One real worked.


	17. The knocking game

# Chapter Seventeen: The knocking game

Eating a whole stack of Belgian waffles didn’t go along with Emma’s diet that well, but Kiwi was kind of afraid of the young Austrian, so she didn’t stop her. She had learned quite fast, that it was a stupid idea to get in between Emma Lauda and the food she had intended to eat. Even though she would have to face Andrew later for letting Emma eat them. The Canadian was a very strict trainer.

“Andrew won’t like it.” The Aussie told her, or more she told her cup of coffee from which she took a sip, watching the young Austrian closely. Emma looked like a little kid in front of her birthday cake, eyes sparkling and all. The youngest of the Lauda-Hunt clan simply shrugged, before shoving another fork full of waffles into her mouth. Not at all bothered by Kiwi’s disapproving glance.

Kiwi looked away from Emma and towards the door. The Aussie was just glad, that it wasn’t Andrew. Fernando walked into the facility, smiling shortly at the Austrian’s PR-Assistant, before getting himself a coffee. It wasn’t long before the Spaniard walked over to them. Putting his hand down on Emma’s shoulder, so the young Austrian was looking up to see, who had joined them. 

“Oui, Andrew won’t like that.” The older McLaren driver pointed out, after smiling at Emma shortly.

The addressed girl let her gaze wander between her PR assistant and her teammate as she leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “What are you two, the eating habit police? I can eat whatever the fuck I want.” The youngest one exclaimed rather unhappy after being scolded at for eating what she wanted and not what she should.

Fernando simply shook his head and took the free seat next to Kiwi, while the Aussie wanted to scold her young protégée for her use of language, but she was interrupted before she could start scolding Emma

“Come again?” Emma heard the so familiar voice with the thick Canadian accent. At that moment, Emma swore to herself that she would never sit with her back to the door again.

Andrew walked up to them, not looked at all happy. He glanced at Emma expectantly, as the young Austrian again raised the fork to her mouth. Kiwi and Fernando watched rather amused as the two youngest starred at each other. Kiwi would put her money on Andrew, he was the only one, who could bring the Austrian McLaren driver to follow a diet.

Dissatisfied, Emma dropped the fork again without eating the waffles. She threw her napkin, which was on her lap, on the table before she kicked the chair back with a loud noise when she stood up.

"I hate you all." She said, her face serious before she turned and marched away. Andrew shook his head in amusement and sat in Emma's seat, not turning around to look at her again.

"Darling," he called out, knowing full well that Emma hadn't left the facility just yet. "Just because I don't see you eating doesn't mean I'll never know." The young Austrian snorted scornfully as Andrew turned to her and tossed her a bottle of poisonous-looking green stuff.

"Don't forget to drink your smoothie." He told her, causing Emma to flip him off, before walking through the door. That was enough for Kiwi to crack up, laughing loudly at the misery on Emma’s face. The Canadian just looked at her, before picking up once piece of the waffles from Emma’s plate, chewing on it with a satisfied look on his face.

“You know that she will make you pay for that, don’t you?” Fernando questioned Andrew, who just shrugged. He didn’t like being hard on the young Austrian, but she was on diet for a reason. Not because she was too fat or something like that, no, quite the opposite. Emma was rather thin and didn't eat the right food. She was missing important vitamins and minerals. They were simply worried about her, it wasn’t something new, that Emma simply forgot to eat for days.

“It’s my job to make sure she’s healthy. So, if I must take her on once in a while, I can live with that."

* * *

“Hello there, sunshine. Why do you look like twelve days of rain?" Seb asked her, as soon as he saw Emma walking by in front of the Ferrari garage. He was out there getting some fresh air, but as he saw the young Lauda and her expression of misery, he simply had to ask.

“They teamed up against me.” She simply shrugged, which concerned Seb. It wasn’t the first time the press talked shit about Emma, but he had never before seen her so hung up about it. Maybe the fans have said something as well, about her not being a good driver, because she was a woman.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” The German driver asked her, but Emma shook her head. Which let Sebastian nod. He had promised her, that he wouldn’t push the topic anymore, as long as she swore to him, that she was talking at least to Lewis if something got out of hand. Even though Seb knew that they would have a bigger influence on the media and the FIA together. It was Emma’s choice, if she wanted help from her World Champion friends or not. Sebastian simply had to accept her decision.

“What about a hug?” Sebastian questioned further, smiling softly, while Emma nodded. Sometimes she reminded him of a deer in a headlight as soon as someone offered her affection.

“I would like a hug.” She told him, which let Sebastian laugh, after pulling her into a tight somewhat parental hug. Emma loved Seb’s dad vibes. She always felt safe in Sebastian Vettel arms.

“Andrew is a bitch.” Emma whispered, which caused Sebastian to keep her at arm’s length. Her words confused him. He thought that the Canadian trainer could be trusted.

“Why Andrew?” The Ferrari driver wanted to know, which let Emma exhale dramatically. And she was the one always complaining that Charles was such a diva sometimes. He wondered from whom the Monegasque had it. Even as a small boy he had spent too much time with the young Austrian girl. The only thing that really surprised him was how Pierre could become normal. Being friends with them for so long.

“He and Kiwi ganged up against me and Fernando joined them. Traitors, really. Don’t trust them, Seb.” She complained, not seeing Sebastian’s confused look, she added some more words.

“I just wanted to eat my freaking Belgian waffles in peace, you know? But did they leave me alone? No! Always thinking they know so much better what’s good for me than myself.” She said as the two of them made their way over to the driver’s parade. Emma would start from P8, but she was sure, she would manage to gain some places as soon as the race had started. Sebastian, on the other hand, had a decent second place at the moment. Maybe they would even see each other during the race. Emma felt like a podium today, even though she, was in a bad mood because of her team now. Matteo would cheer her up again, just like he always did.

“This is all about waffles?” Sebastian wanted to know, as he stopped dead in his tracks. He thought something tremendous had happened, but Emma was and always will be a drama queen when the topic was food.

“Well, yeah. … And betrayal.” She answered, a little bit confused as well now. Smiling shortly at the stuff, who was standing around, before walking up to where Lewis was already standing. Waiting for them.

Sebastian shook his head affectionately. Emma was such a lovely young thing when she said something like this.

“What did you think?” The young Austrian quizzed curiously, which caused Sebastian to shake his head. He would tell her later if she still wanted to know then. “Doesn’t matter. We definitely should get you your waffles after the race.”

* * *

Emma struggled to describe the race in one word. For her, it was a fine race, with a podium, but for others it was disastrous. A lot of people retired before the race even had really started and Emma had felt something strange in the pit of her stomach. They’ve told her to stay safe and beware of the wreckage when she would drive into turn one again. At first, all she did was ask what happened, but James had a strict no-telling-the-driver-who-got-seriously-hurt policy. So, Emma had to drive past, in order to see what happened.

Matteo was fast to tell her, that nobody was critically injured. Therefore, she would deliver a good race. And deliver she did. Emma managed a podium. Yeah, it was just third place, but she would collect her prize alongside Lewis and Seb, so she felt on top of the world.

Quickly, however, her guilt crept in when she stood next to Lewis in the cooldown room and watched the replay from the start. Fernando's car was a complete wreaked and Emma didn't want to know what would have happened to her Monegasque friend, who had somehow ended up with his car under her teammate's car if they had no protection. Like they did not so long ago.

She was sitting all alone on one of the empty tribunes. Maybe her team was already looking for her, but Emma couldn’t manage to care. She didn't even feel like eating waffles with Sebastian anymore, although she had been looking forward to it so much before the race.

It was fairly easy, the job as a race driver. You drive one of the god damned coolest cars ever-existing far too fast on awesome racetracks around the whole world against other adrenaline junkies, who would rather die than let you overtake them. For sure these people are not normal, but which people are, right?

It’s great fun, really but there is so much more to it than what the fans see. There is heartbreak, fear, happiness and so much more. A never-ending roller coaster of feelings until the race is over and you go home.

Or you never go home because you died.

Her mind kept telling her that she should stop racing. That it was too dangerous, but Emma loved it. It was the only thing she could do really very well. Most of the time, she felt immortal.

Like they were playing a game. Knocking on death’s door, that was the easy part of the game, the difficult part was the waiting. The longer you waited before you ran away, the cooler you were.

They were all cheating death, feeling unstoppable but sometimes death got one of them or had already reached out for them before they could manage to scarcely escape and then they felt it. The felt that they weren’t immortal and that they couldn’t promise the people they loved most to come back home to them after they got to work in the morning.

Emma knew that realistically nobody could promise that they wouldn’t die, but race driver, they tried to trick death, angered him their whole life until he finally got a hold of them. She hated to remember that they couldn’t escape him. In the end, death would win, even though nobody got hurt badly this time. What about next time?

Emma got her phone out her jeans pocket. She had already spoken with Fernando quite a while after the race had ended, making sure he wasn’t hurt too badly. Just a few scratches but Fernando was alright. Her friends being unharmed was important to Emma.

The Spaniard had apologised for what had happened in the morning with the waffles, which told Emma, that he had thought about death as well. They all have after what happened. A few years previous, people would have died today. Therefor for a few days, they all would be humbler, until the scare is forgotten and racing, winning was again the only thing which truly matters in their lives.

Looking down at the screen, Emma read the date of the last time she had spoken with Charles. It was far too long ago. They were always friends and out of the sudden, nothing at all. She wished they could fix it. She vowed to herself, that she would put an effort into that plan of hers.

 _“I know you don’t want to talk to me at the moment, but I just needed to make sure you’re alright.”_ Emma looked up in the sky for a little while after writing the message. She wondered if she should actually press the send button.

 _Death will catch us all. I indeed to deserve it._ Emma toughed quietly to herself. Preparing herself mentally to walk up to death’s doorstep. She wouldn’t knock. Emma Lauda is about to ring his fucking doorbell.

Leaving her chat with Charles, she changed to a number, which she had only recently gotten. The number of Red Bull’s team principal.

_“I’m very interested in Red Bull’s offer. Certainly, we will find some time in the next few weeks to talk about this offer in detail. Regards Emma Lauda.”_


	18. Grasp a clear thought

# Chapter Eighteen: Grasp a clear thought

Italy worked out fully in the young Lauda’s favour. Her performance was good and it seemed like Helmut Marko and Christian Horner approved as well, which was good. The contract talks were a lot easier than Emma had tough in the beginning. It felt like Red Bull sincerely wanted her to join their team and Emma was glad about that. It was an amazing feeling of how appreciated she was.

The only thing which annoyed her a little bit wasn’t a thing but a person. She had struggled during the race to keep him back. Max didn't play fair. He was no Charles. He didn't battle clean. Touches didn't scare him. Doing all credit to his bully image. He was arrogant and played dirty, harder than everyone else, which Emma found so damn attractive. Why did she always go for the bastards?

But she wouldn’t let him ruin her good mood. Quite happy with herself, which hadn’t happened in quite a while, Emma pumped into Lewis on her way back to the hotel. The Brit smiled from one ear to the other and Emma knew that that meant nothing too good for her.

“You're just the person I was looking for.” He told her he was quite pleased with himself for finding her that fast and Emma wondered if her British friend was drunk. Lewis was always a lightweight in comparison to Emma herself and Sebastian.

The Ferrari driver once said that he thought it had something to do with Emma being Austrian and Seb himself being German. Lewis the Brit of the group just had a genetic disadvantage. He was not descended from peoples who drank beer as if there was no tomorrow and schnapps as if it was a kind of national sport.

“Yeah?” She questioned, which caused Lewis to nod.

“We’re going out tonight!”

* * *

Emma felt like she couldn’t breathe properly. The hole adrenalin in her body. It was difficult for her to grasp a clear thought, all she heard were the cries of the fans and her own heart beating much louder than ever before.

She had won again, and Emma was sure she would never get used to that feeling. The kick she got when she left her opponents behind after a risky overtaking manoeuvre. The knowledge that she could take the turn at 350 km/h and get out safely while others did not. Emma Lauda was one of the best. She was a champion and loved every second of it until she was alone again.

Then she cursed it. She hated that she was so addicted to those adrenal kicks. It always felt like Emma imagined a cold withdrawal. The nights of a victory she never spent sleeping. She just couldn't do that. Most of the time she went for a glass or two of vodka to bring herself down, but it didn't work today. Emma had already thought about taking a sleeping pill for the night, but after the fourth glass of vodka it was probably not the smartest thing to do and Lewis waited for her to go out.

She changed her orange team-top into a black lace bralette and some tight black high waisted jeans. With a few skilled moves, she stuck her hair up a bit to release her neck before putting on her black choker necklace. After making her way over to the bathroom she put on some makeup. Subtle smoky eyes and nude lipstick. She just drew the lipstick on when she suddenly stopped and let her lipstick sink. She really wasn’t in the mood for flirty men, being drunk off their asses. She could have gone to celebrate with her team if she would have wanted that.

Emma put the makeup back in the little bag she brought with her, before she made her way back over to the bedroom, sitting down on her bed. She held a lot of dups, but then she eyes the vodka bottle. With fast steps she stood up and took the bottle, before she got her phone and her key card, leaving her room. Standing in front of Lewis door she took a big gulp, before knocking on his door.

Not long after that Lewis opened his door looking happy to see Emma in front of him, but then he smirked, as he saw the way she was dressed and the grin on her face. He opened the door further and smiled at her, while he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe.

“Ready to go, or do you want to come in?” he questioned, as he took the bottle vodka from Emma’s hand. Taking a sip himself.

“No. Let's get this over with.” Lewis watched her smirking, when he put the bottle of vodka in his room on the dresser next to the door, before taking a step in her direction.

He put his hands on both her cheeks before he pulled her to him and hugged her. Emma immediately hugged back, while laying one of her hand on his chest, holding him in place.

“Well, then let’s go, darling.”

* * *

A little bit confused, Emma turned around to Lewis, who smiled at her. He knew that she wasn’t really in the mood to go out and that she hated when men flirted with her even though she clearly wasn’t interested. That’s why Emma never went out to Italy. It was just their mentality. She was sure there were also nice men, but she never met one in a bar at this time.

Emma looked around before she smirked at Lewis. “You … that’s a gay bar.” She started, which let Lewis nod. He took the young Austrian’s hand, before he pulled her along, towards the bar, ordering drinks right away. Before he remembered, that they were having a conversation before.

“Yeah, well. You don’t like Italian men and I need to know them better before I can say the same, my darling.” Lewis grinned, which caused Emma to box his arm lightly. So no creepy men flirting with her, but she had to babysit Lewis, so the press wouldn’t figure out he was very much gay. Not that lewis was ashamed of his sexuality, he definitely wasn’t but F1 wasn’t ready for his little secret yet. He could go to jail for being gay in a few countries the race at, when not worse, so Emma did her best to make sure nobody figured out what was quite clear anyway. Even though the Brit isn’t exactly gay but bi. At least not all of his ex-girlfriends were just a cover for him and Nico. Well, most of them were.

“I give you an hour.” Emma challenged, which caused Lewis to smile brightly, before deciding for one guy he would try his luck with. He was about to walk over full of confidence but stopped. Emma still was only eighteen and he felt bad for leaving her alone, even though he was only a few tables away.

“You okay on your own, don’t you? I’m just over there if you need me, okay?” He questioned, as Emma sipped on her drink. Maybe he should have gone out on his own, but Emma needed some time away from everything else, as well.

“Just go and have fun for once Lewis. I’ll watch your back.” She promised with an honest smile, which let Emma laugh at him. She wasn’t totally incompetent. Emma would survive a few minutes on her own in a gay bar. At least when someone complimented her on her outfit now, the really meant the outfit and not her body. To be true, Emma quite enjoyed herself.

* * *

Emma was never an easy person, even as a child. While all the others were playing with each other, Emma observed the clouds and made up stories to the shapes she had seen. Always in her own little world, living rather there because it was peaceful.

James and Niki were worried about the young girl. Their daughter never seemed to be present in her own head and she was always so quiet. Emma never spoke her mind as a child, she kept to herself, only talking when she had been invited to do so. At some point it even went so far that James suggested taking Emma to a psychiatrist, hoping he could tell him what was wrong with their daughter, but Niki was strictly against it. James's suggestion angered the Austrian so much that the two parents had a heated argument which ended with a single sentence from Niki.

"There's nothing wrong with my daughter." That was the last time James had suggested anything in that kind of direction. Tolerating his husband's wishes.

She was always this way, the first time she had seen Doctor Dorian was at the age of eight, after the Incident with her mother. Nobody ever talked about it. There was no reason to. The young Austrian knew that her mother wouldn’t bother her for another three years. Except with good behaviour, she would have a chance to leave sooner, but Emma knew her mother enough to know, that that would never happen.

Niki never thought that something was wrong with Emma. She was unique. It was hard for her to make decisions because she saw all the sides to the questions, not because she was a slow thinker. She maybe was quiet at times, but just because her mind was busy with so many extreme thoughts running wild and she knew nobody would be able to handle them.

Emma always had a certain world-weariness and deep insight. Most of the time she was a prisoner of her own mind, feeling nostalgic for all the lands she may never touch and souls she may never dance with and stories she will never live and loves she will never meet.

And sometimes she was in this weird kind of mood. Where nothing was really wrong, but nothing was right either. Just like today. She walked through her apartment, her phone in her jeans pocket and a bottle of water in her hand. She just needed a holiday before Singapore, that was all.

Some time to clear her mind. The Red Bull contract was resting on her office desk. Christian was a generous man. He did not shy away from the demands of the young woman and her parents. The things she had asked for, were also the things that were in the contract. In the end, it resulted in a two-year contract with more than double the salary she received at McLaren, but Christian never had to know.

She was tempted to sign, but she still kept Christian and the team waiting, but she knew that time was running out. As soon as Daniel realized his mistake, he would call Christian and beg him to let him come back, which they would allow him to do as long as Emma had not signed.

Emma decided that a short trip to Japan would help her clear her mind, maybe even a little bit from all the drama in her personal life. The place held a special meaning to her, which is why she owned a huge Japanese chateau near Tokyo, with a wonderful cherry blossom forest and a koi lake, it was one of her favourite tracks to race at as well. She loved exploring Tokyo over and over again. The Asian countries were always different to that of the other races. They always hold some kind of authenticity. So instead of going home to her parents like she originally intended to do and sulking like the drama queen she was sometimes, Emma called Adrian to ready the private jet. She needed some time, relaxing properly after all the stress.

“You sure Miss Lauda? You need to visit Milton Keynes by Thursday.” Adrian asked her, but Emma knew that she would murder someone in the following three days when she wouldn’t be able to relax properly. Most likely Andrew, but she wouldn’t take him along.

“Yeah Adrian, I really need a holiday. I want Niki and James to fly to Milton Keynes. They need to read the contract for me. I will sign, in Singapore, when my parents approve. I’ve told Christian that much. They’re expected on Friday in the morrow. I just hope they will behave.” Emma chuckled before she got up to ready her suitcase, but there was something else, she needed to.

It was stupid, she knew that, but she just didn't feel at home in her apartment in Monaco at the moment. Maybe she would feel better when she’s back in one of her houses.

Emma whished for some privacy and quiet. She wanted to be alone, but she felt like she never was. The young Austrian couldn’t walk down the street without people taking photos from her. She hated it. She had to change something, or she would never be at peace.

Emma placed the bottle down at the couch desk before she started to pack a selection of Bikini’s and a rather big variation of summer dresses. Oh, sweet freedom.


	19. Investing in the future

# Chapter 19: Investing in the future

Emma looked up at the sky, laying beneath a cherry blossom tree. She tried her best to enjoy the last rays of sunlight. Her brain was working way too fast, while her heartbeat so hard in her chest, her ribcage hurt. It was the same feeling, like when there is a lump forming in her throat, but this lump enclosed her heart. Squeezing every now and then to make her painfully aware, that something was wrong with her.

She always wondered deep down if having a mother would have changed her. If she would have been a whole other person. Would she have had a mother who braided her hair and showed her how to use make-up. Someone she could talk to about the things you just simply don't tell your father.

Of course, Emma always had people around her who would take care of the things a mother would normally do, but Emma felt strongly that it would have felt different with a real one. Maybe a mother would have braided her hair a little bit more tenderly than James did. Niki hadn’t had the patience to do it, so James liked to make fun of him, resulting in Niki forcing James to attend to his daughter’s hair himself. It was painful most of the time, even for Niki, who just watched and it looked like a birds nest, but Emma was happy with that and her parents always did the best they could.

The young Austrian felt bad for wishing she had had a mother because she had the best parents ever existing. She had so much fun growing up. Doing all the things a mother would have surely forbidden. Like learning how to drive a car with ten, because then she finally reached the pedals. Or buying Emma a cow she could play with. She had the time of her life growing up.

Maybe she was afraid to swap teams because she feared she would lose her parents as well. James wouldn’t be her team principal anymore and Niki was at Mercedes during the races. Normally she would stay with them, but now with Red Bull, they wouldn’t even stay in the same hotel any longer. She didn't want the relationship with her parents to be nothing more than a brief greeting when they saw each other. She still wanted to be their little daughter who climbed into bed with them when she had a nightmare, but those times were over. Emma was an adult now. 

Carefully she turned around to look over to the little lake a few feet’s away from her. The water was covered with bright pink and pale rosy cherry blossoms. The light of the sunset simmering softly at the surface of the little koi pond. 

Maybe adulthood was just a punishment for every fun you had in childhood and growing up was a waste of time. Suddenly you’re ripped into being alive. And life is pain, and life is suffering, and life is horror, but my god you’re alive and it’s spectacular.

* * *

It was weird, being invited for a talk at the Red Bull facility in Singapore. It was terribly hot, and Emma knew it was just a courtesy visit, but she still came to impress. James and Niki had already finalized a contract with Red Bull. Emma just had to sign it.

She finally made her way over to the Red Bull facility, people still running around on track, making sure, that the drivers were stored away after the race. She looked around in concerned as one of the two guys as the entering of the garage stopped her. “Miss you need a Red Bull badge to enter this area.” He told her sternly but still rather friendly, which caused Emma to look down at her badge, realising that she hasn’t changed the badge just jet.

“Oh yeah sorry. Here you go.” The young Austrian took the right badge from her bag to show the security people, who looked somehow suspicious at her. Nobody had a VIP badge for three garages, but as they read her name they understood. “Very well Miss Lauda. Enjoy your stay.”

“So, you decided to show up? We thought you changed your mind. Got scared or something.” Helmut Marko called out to her, as soon as he saw the young Austrian, but Emma was paying him no mind, not really. He was just teasing her a little bit. She knew the old grumpy man since she could remember. He was okay. Helmut was a strict but fair man. He praised his people when they did good and he called them out on it when they failed but in the end of the day, he was a good man with a good heart. Even though he did his best to not show it at all. You needed to know him really well to see the good in him.

“No need to worry. Old habits die hard. That’s all. I’m always fashionable late.” Helmut wasn’t believing her, but she didn’t care, as long as he didn’t tell the press about her little visit everything was good.

“Don’t listen to him. We’re happy to have you here.” Christian smiled at her before showing her around and introducing her to a couple of people. Making their way over to Daniel’s side of the garage Christian and Helmut showed her about everything. They had a little chat about things, but Emma knew that they would talk about the important things behind closed doors. Niki and James already paid Christian a visit to clarify some things about the possible contract. Taking her team with her was one thing. Matteo, Markus, Kiwi and Andrew were leaving with her when she decided that she would like to take the seat at Red Bull.

“What do you think about him?” Christian asked her referring to Max, who just walked into the garage with his trainer Jake by his side.

As a driver Max was quite aggressive, the way he drove past other drivers was risky, indeed. But he had the car under control, she had to let him that, just like he seemed to feel when his tires were perfectly tempered. Quite impressive how talented he still was. All she wanted to do was going out there and race against him like good old times.

“His talent still amazes me. He just feels what’s right, when he doesn’t let his ego and anger get into the way.” Emma was always used to not show how much she looked up to Max in reality. He was her rival, but she still felt something else for the Dutch.

“Oh, please don’t tell him ever that I have to say something positive about his driving style. He would never let it live down again.” Emma added after realising what she just had said.

Christian looked at the young woman, he knew since the day she was born, but he didn’t know what an extraordinary and ambitious woman she had become. Her eyes were always fixed on the screen and he admired the way Emma analysed the data in a calculating and almost cold way. Cold and hard and fucking brilliant, just like her fathers before her. He would love to have her in his team, although Emma was so incredibly young. But was the same age when not younger as they asked him to drive the Red Bull for them.

Emma was a Lauda. She was her father’s daughter so Christian was sure she would bring them to a lot of victories. He just hoped she was not too ambitious for her own good. He knew that she had no simple personality. She was cheeky, hot-headed and passioned but with the right team, the right leader she could become one of the big ones. She just needed guidance and he was willing to give it.

“I would never even think about it,” Christian promised, smiling at her before focusing back on their little tour.

* * *

Emma knew that her lawyer and her parents have read this contract about a thousand times, still, she read it through just for fun. Helmut was a little uneasy as she let her mimic play around a little bit. Christian even told her that they could change certain thing still, but Emma declined. The only thing she was interested in was the pregnancy clause, her parents have taken very good care of the other things, but this clause limited her personal freedom, which is why she read it through again for safety's sake, even if she did not plan to have a child in the next two years, it was still important to her that she could not be forced to have an abortion if it should happen.

Nodding slowly, Emma but the contract down, after accepting the pen Christian was offering her. She signed, which made everybody happy. Hands were shaken, hugs were given, and promises were made. Emma was certain that Red Bull was her future.

She was just saying good-bye to Christian when Max came around the corner. Christian called him over to them immediately before sharing the good news with the Dutchman. At first, he was a bit shocked. He knew Daniel was leaving and had been struggling with it for a while, but it never occurred to him that Emma could replace him. Somewhat surprised, he congratulated her after he pulled her into a quick hug.

Christian seemed satisfied when he left Emma and Max alone for a while so they could get to know each other better. He knew they were friends and yet he had no idea what was really going on between them.

"You never mentioned they made you an offer." Max was still a little blindsided, and Emma shrugged.

"I wasn't allowed to talk about it." She told him softer.

"Hey, maybe we can talk? When we get back to Monaco?" Max wanted to know, but she'd already told Fernando she'd fly to Spain with him. A little vacation would do her good.

"I'm not going to Monaco. I'm in Spain with Fernando for the next time. He's a little bit off at the moment. We can phone?" She offered, but Max wanted to talk to her face to face.

"How about we just talk in Sochi then, over a nice dinner?" Max suggested, which caused Emma to smile at him. Maybe they could go back to be friends again and not this awaken, whatever it is.

"I'd like that."

* * *

“Well, well. There she is. We already thought you left by now.” Sebastian said as he saw Emma about to enter the McLaren facility. She turned at the voice, just to face Sebastian and Lewis, both seemed more than ready to set off.

“Niki told me that you needed some time to think properly about stuff, but I hadn't thought that you would do that five days long in Japan. You could have asked us along to your secret party vacation.” Lewis told her, crossing his arms over his chest putting an act on, but Emma and Seb both knew that it was just that. An act.

Sebastian simply hugged her as greeting after rolling his eyes at Lewis. “Well crying in my bathtub wasn’t simply doing it anymore for me, you know.” The young Austrian told them with a shrug before she told the two men a little bit about her holiday. All she really did was eating way too much delicious food, sleeping beneath cherry blossom trees in the afternoons, taking some relaxing hot spring baths and thinking about life and the future.

She invited them into her driver’s room, where Emma presented them with the souvenirs, she had brought especially for them. A bunch of weird food and crazy sweets for Lewis and a few comics Emma knew were missing in Sebastian’s collection, after she had secretly called Hanna about it. The two women had quite a problem to figure out the difference between some of the comics until Hanna stared to translate the titles with an app. It was quite good fun and, in the end, Emma even found two missing pieces in her German friend's collection, which she bought the English version of, hopping the translation made at least a little bit scene.

Seb was smiling like a little kid at Christmas, while Lewis was chewing on the weird sweets, with an unusual facial expression. Like it tasted terrible but good at the same time.

“Have you been seeing someone?” The Brit wanted to know after he somehow managed to not make a mess out of Emma’s driver’s room with all the sesame seeds on his sweets. To be true, she was kind of impressed by Lewis for that. Sebastian looked up from his comic suddenly interested, from which he refused to remove the protective cover, to Emma's incomprehension.

“You mean apart from my therapist?” She shot back, which caused Lewis to drop the topic, before telling her and Seb about his newest run-in with Nico. Sometimes Emma wondered if Lewis liked to hurt that much, but the way he talked about Nico, even though he said the German annoyed him, was sincere. Maybe not getting hurt by Nico would hurt the Brit even more. Emma was just glad she would talk with Max about everything after a little holiday with Fernando. Lately, she has been on the road more often than at home. The curse of a Formula One driver.


	20. The devil lives within us all

# Chapter 20: The devil lives within us all

Fernando watched the Austrian beauty lying next to him in the high grass. A gentle breeze whirled up the light fabric of her floral summer dress, but Emma didn't care in the least. Her expression was truly blessed, even when her stormy eyes were closed. Her body kissed by the sun, yet milk-white as if she were made of porcelain, the sun dared to mark her flawless skin with a set of adorable freckles.

Fernando sat up, looking down at the beauty next to him. Never had he seen her this way. Of course, the Spaniard knew that his teammate was beautiful, and a lot of man’s gaze was lingering on her longer than they should, but he was never one of them. Fernando always felt like he was the one to took care of her and guided her but no matter how hard he tried to resist, he no longer managed to just not see her in the way everyone else did.

Emma was breath-taking, a wild and passionate being nobody was allowed to tame. She needed the adrenaline like the air she breathed. She couldn’t be contained. She’s not one to be controlled, she needed to run free, wild and untamed.

He just couldn’t stop himself from touching her, gently letting his finger run over her lower lip, which caused Emma to open her stormy blue eyes, but she didn’t look taken aback, no far more interested in what the next move would be. Daring the Spaniard with her gaze to go for it or leave it. He dragged her lower lips down a bit, before he took his hand away, watching her as she sat up.

Their eyes met and he knew his only option was to surrender. In all his life he had never seen such stormy blue eyes. It was like he looked into a massive storm which brewed over the sea but at the same time a calm lake where the sun was reflected shimmering on the surface of the water.

She gazed at his lips, hovering there just right in front of him before she decided to take over. Emma gently placed her lips over Fernando’s in a sweet and rather innocent kiss, which caused the Spaniard to sneak his hand over her cheek pulling her into a second kiss, before he came back to his senses and broke the kiss immediately, which seemed too frustrated the Austrian beauty, who was following Fernando’s led to kiss him again, but the Spaniard has turned his head away from her. This was not what he had in mind as he asked Emma to allow him to take her away from everything for some time. He asked her to come with him, so she could come clear with herself

“Better not.” He mumbled, as he watched Emma, who has turned around on her belly, so she was facing away from him, looking at her bracelet. It seemed like she was thinking about something to say but instead she just climbed over Fernando, so she was seated between his leg in such a smooth manner, that he was amazed and even more surprised as she kissed him, this time with a lot more passion, like she wanted to prove something, not to Fernando but herself.

Maybe she still thought she was unlovable, even though Fernando knew that she was seeing someone. He wasn’t sure if the was something serious at all, but the way she was on her phone all the time, smiling at texts, she surely had something going on. Max probably, at least Fernando thought so.

The older McLaren driver kissed back, before he pushed her away gently but with a certain determination, making it clear that this wasn’t going to happen. “Nah …No. No. No. We should go.” He told her, which caused Emma to sit up properly this time, hugging her knees towards her chest in an annoyed manner. Fernando was about to stand up but stayed seated as he saw Emma’s expression. He sighed and placed his hand on Emma's knee, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her.

“That’s all you say. Just like that?” She questioned him, which caused Fernando to meet her eyes before breaking away under her intense gaze.

“I know myself. I know myself and we have done nothing to be ashamed of. It’s okay, it’s good, but we need to stop now. We can’t cross that line.” Emma continued to look away from Fernando, she felt like she was a seven-year-old again and her parents would be scolding her for doing something naughty.

Fernando, on the other hand, was at a lost. He had started this. He had kissed her and now he was telling her off. That wasn’t right but the Spaniard didn’t know what else to do. Nando was in desperate need to think for a while and he only could do that alone.

“I’m in the house when you need me.” The Spaniard told her, kissing the crown of her head, which she didn’t even acknowledge, before leaving her be. After all, he was sure Emma needed some time to think right now as well because there was a lot to think about.

Everything was good, everything was alright until now and from now on everything went to shit.

* * *

Sleep wouldn’t just overcome her that night in the beautiful 60s iron bed. She tossed and turned around, but sleep was avoiding her like a plague. So, she decided to explore the villa a little bit in the deepest of the night. Walking down the corridor, Emma felt safe. The villa was old with white painted tall walls and dark wooden furniture. She continued walking barefoot through the corridor of the villa until she arrived at the large balcony.

It was a wonderful and mystic place to stay at. Emma was enchanted by its beauty. It was the middle of the night, but the moonlit up the garden, which was set in a mystical mist. The old trees had been in that garden for generations, which only made it clearer to Emma that this place was connected to history. As a little girl, Emma always wanted to live in a fairy tale and this place came pretty close to that but her happy ending was never as far away as right now.

She allowed Fernando to take her away to his roots, in order to bring some clarity to her thoughts. But he only made it worse. Max seemed to be the least of her problems at the moment, much more scared her that she was on the verge of losing her friend, teammate and somehow mentor, even when she wasn’t brave enough to admit that.

The young Austrian came to the conclusion that she could not wait until tomorrow to talk to Fernando. With sure steps, she made her way to Fernando's room and opened the door, but there she faltered. She really had nothing to say. Emma didn't know how to deal with this situation, she didn't know how to bear losing her best-trusted adviser and support. The Austrian had only Fernando to advise her what to do in such situations, but right now she could not run to Fernando for advice. She was alone.

“Too often, the only escape is sleep.” She mumbled to herself. It was some line she had read some time ago in the last book she read, but it just fitted so well right now. Maybe she just needed to grow the fuck up. Life wasn’t easy or funny and she had an easy and funny life for quite a time now. But now reality showed its ugly face.

Her heart was heavy and her tears silent, as she laid on her bed again this night and Emma came to another conclusion this evening.

The worst crying is when you’re lying in bed, with your hand over your mouth so you don’t make a noise. The tears are running onto your pillow and your heart is breaking and you’re thinking of everything that made you cry, and your other hand is on your heart or stomach because they both hurt like hell but they could never hurt like your heart.

Emma was so busy drowning out her sobbing with her hand that she couldn't hear the heavy black door of her room creakily open. Only when the end of the bed sagged under Fernando's weight did she abruptly sit up and look at the Spaniard in shock.

“I … I don’t know what to say. How to fix this.” He told her quietly, caressing her leg, while he stared at the floor.

What was there to do, what was he supposed to say? There was nothing, but he couldn’t keep away from her any longer. Mark was right after all with his teasing about his way younger teammate, he put the two of them in this situation and Emma was too young to make a wise decision now. He was responsible for her to a certain extent. Fernando could no longer lie in his bed thinking _“Damn, I’m hurting her…”._ It wasn’t healthy for him and neither for her.

“You can’t. There is nothing left to fix, Nando.” She whispered into the quiet night, causing Fernando to look at her. She was right, but it didn’t mean that they couldn’t still try to make the best out of this situation.

“I know. I was your friend and I fucked up. This is on me.” He said while trying to sound like an adult man and not a stupid teenager who just had his heartbroken. He knew that his young teammate had a reputation as a heartbreaker, but he never thought it could happen to him. He was an adult, yet he fell like a rookie for her charm and cheekiness. However, she was too young, only a child.

Emma left the bed, stood up and walked over to the window, without even glancing at the Spaniard for once.

In the end, he had to admit that he had overestimated himself. He had made one mistake after another since they were in Spain and now, he was going to lose her. Oh, he would give anything to turn back time. To keep Emma at a distance when it mattered most.

Having to accept that she would no longer stand by his side hurt, but the thought that a stupid boy like Max or Charles now had a chance to be with her hurt even more. Emma was unique, and his loss hurt more than he had ever known.

Fernando could still remember the day James told him that his own daughter would be racing at his side. He could still remember the day he saw the beautiful Austrian for the very first time. It felt like decades. She had grown up so much in those few months and she had gotten her chance to show the world that she was not only talented but that she wasn't afraid to work hard to get what she always wanted. Fernando admired her for that, and he also admired Emma for her ability to make people fall in love with her and her way of doing things. He didn't know exactly when it happened, but she had bewitched him. Fernando would do anything for her without blinking an eye, just to see her smile.

She turned around, her hand still tangled in her hair, while she stared at him in disbelieve, hurt and anger. “That’s all you say? That this is on you? I FUCKING KNOW THAT!!” She screamed at him all of a sudden and Fernando realised that this would get a lot messier before it would ever get better again.

“Emma.” He tried, which caused her to quieten down fully.

“No, I don’t want your apology.” She whispered brokenly like she had never ever raised her voice on him in the first place. Emma hated apologies. Lies fed to someone like promises.

She was calm like the sea after a storm and it fucking terrified him. “I want …” She stopped herself. Ripped her fingers through her hair. It was like she flipped a switch. Emma had made up her mind, she wasn’t gonna play a victim. It was finally enough.

Instantly, her tears trickled away, and her porcelain face became cold and emotionless, like a doll's. “Never mind what I want.” She realised as she looked at Fernando. It never mattered what she wanted because Emma never had a choice. Her life was set in stone since the day she was born into this world. She was cursed with a name that a lot of people wanted. Her life was not hers. It belonged to the public and the legacy of the Lauda’s.

“I’m tired of my own feelings and I’m so fucking confused.” She told Nando, which caused him to stand up and hug her. He never wanted to let her go. Emma was to be protected, sheltered, but it was no longer his job. She would never feel safe in his arms again, which he now realized. Emma didn't relax for even a second.


	21. A blemished soul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hey. When you're a Fernando Alonso fan, you probably shouldn't read on. Explicit mention of rape and sex without consent.

# Chapter 21: A blemished soul

Biting her lip, Emma knew that she had to free herself from the things around her. It was time to be a Lauda and nothing else. Emma, the girl was too weak for this world, but Emma Lauda the race driver was enough.

“We can’t be friends any longer Nando. I can’t deal with you right now.” She told him, but at that moment, something snapped deep inside him, all he thought was, _no. No, she’s mine._

Emma tried to end the hug, but Nando didn’t let her. The Spaniard just pulled her closer to his body if this was even possible.

“No.” He told her simply, which caused Emma to raise her brown confused. His brain wasn’t working properly anymore and everything which drove him right now was the need to be close to the young Austrian. The woman, he wasn’t allowed to have. He didn’t know why the need was so immense right now, but his mind was clouded with need and the will to have her and when it would be the last thing he did. “I won’t let some else have you!”

“Nando. … Fernando let me go!” Emma started to panic, pushing the Spaniard off with all her might but it didn’t last long. He hurled himself at Emma like a wrecking ball of fury and in the blink of an eye, he pushed her back on to the bed, forcing her down and catching her right wrist with enough strength to cause the joints pop audibly. 

Emma was terrified of him. More than she ever thought to be afraid of anyone, in her entire life. Before she could actually react and hit him quite well with her left fist and kick him, Fernando managed to get Emma's right wrist into the loop of her thin summer scarf, which lay minutes ago on her bedside table and firmly tied her up to the bedpost. 

“Stop! What are you doing? Nando! I don’t want this!” She screamed and shouted at him with everything she got, but he didn’t even react.

“Please let me go.” Was everything the young girl managed to sob out.

Getting rid of one hand, he caught Emma's other hand and mercilessly twisted her arm to her back into a horribly unnatural position which made Emma scream at the pain and lay to her right side to avoid getting her wrist and elbow dislocated. 

He sat down on Emma's legs, trapping her before he carded his fingers through Emma's hair and pulled at the long golden strains to force Emma's head back just like Max had done some days ago. But this was painful, this aimed to hurt, meant to make her submit against her will as Fernando pulled at the roots sharply, completely uncaring of the pain-filled cry he ripped from Emma's outstretched throat.

“Fernando. LET. ME. GO.” Emma tried again, the serenity in her voice confusing him shortly.

Everything hurt for Emma. Her legs, her twisted arm, her scalp, her wrist, and her chest as her heart threatened to break out in confusion, fear and in pain. She couldn't get her right hand out of the scarf loop and the more she struggled, the more the silk bit into her delicate porcelain skin, cutting off the circulation. She bit down on a desperate sob, trying to hold onto her anger and the adrenaline rush to get away from the situation she had been trapped into, but it was of no use. The girl was far younger and weaker than Fernando.

"Open your eyes and look at me, Emma," Fernando ordered her in a low growl. She didn’t know this side of the Spaniard, of course, she had heard the stories of his ex-girlfriend but still. She never thought he would be really able to do such a thing to someone he claimed he cared for. The young girl hated herself for not believing the other woman, right away. She hadn’t wanted to consider it was true, so Emma simply didn’t.

Her body was still straining under the Spaniard's hold and she was deadly afraid of where this thing might go, would certainly go, if she wasn't able to do something.

She looked back, only to meet the sight of those brown otherwise so comforting and warm eyes right in front of her face, a picture of pure mindless loveless lust. 

"God, you are so beautiful…" Fernando sighed against her lips. In her mind, the words mocked Emma cruelly in Max's voice. It was so wrong.

"You’re mine.” Fernando continued, his free hand going under Emma's t-shirt and sliding across her side and stomach, pushing the thin material up to reveal more skin.

Emma was choking. 

"You are shaking all over, mi Amor…" Fernando's touch was scorching. He dug his fingers into Emma's flesh, his long nails painfully scraping against her chest, dragging burning red stripes from Emma's side to her front with every intention of hurting and marking her. "Looking at me with that defiance… this empty pride, that suits you surprisingly well…" 

He leaned in and when Emma managed to turn her head away, he went ahead and bit down on Emma's neck, hard enough to leave the imprint of his teeth. Breaking her delicate skin.

"But I am going to trample on that pride. You’re not in control Emma. I am!" His voice was guttural and so foreign, so frightening in Emma's ears. He deliberately dragged his teeth over the protruding collarbones like a wild animal would gnaw on his prey, unheeding of how it had to hurt.

Emma struggled like there was no tomorrow, her mind getting clouded by her panic and her fear even though she managed to not show how afraid and helpless she felt inside. "Stop! Stop!" She was yelling through her gritted teeth, her jaw clenched not just because of her anger, but because of her oncoming panic attack. Emma couldn’t allow her anxiety to creep in now, it would take her apart.

She tried to get Fernando to loosen his grip on her arm and for a moment there, she even managed to do that, hitting Fernando wherever she could land her fist at, but she got easily caught again. "Let go of me! Stop this madness! Stop!"

"I wasn't going to do this!" Fernando yelled over Emma's words, his hold turning even harsher and painful. "I wasn't going to do this to you! It’s your fault. You did this to me!”

This time, he prevented Emma from turning her head away. "You asked for this!" And he covered Emma's mouth with his.

The young woman was aware that this thing couldn't be called a kiss as Emma was practically choking for a bit of air, terror was written across her face and making Fernando curse himself silently. He knew that he had driven the Austrian into a panic attack as Emma gradually went lax under him, slowly losing her ability to strain against his hold and resist him.

"Why couldn't you obey me?" He whispered against Emma's lips, his hand letting go off her hair, but grabbing at the neckline of her sleeping shirt, pulling it open from the small buttons just as Max liked doing in the heat of the moment sometimes, but it was nothing like when Max would do it. 

Emma couldn't tell if she was able to breathe or not anymore, helplessly watching Fernando caress her head, her neck and chest all the while the Spaniard's eyes losing their hard edge and turning regretful. 

"Is it so hard for you to obey me?” Fernando was asking as he bit and sucked bruises and marks all over her body, hurting her first, and then gently licking and kissing the spot he ruined as if to soothe the pain he had inflicted upon her skin.

Emma could no longer resist. Her panic and horror completely burned her strength and overrode her mind's struggle to control her body, turning her into a mess of useless limbs, just like an unresponsive puppet which nevertheless endured all this torment.

“You’re insane Fernando and you need help.” She pressed out with her last strength.

"Why couldn't you just give me what I needed most?" Fernando was still asking even as he continued marking her skin.

Emma felt teardrops fall onto her flat stomach and chest and she saw Fernando was crying when the other fell back over her and came to her eye level. Removing his hand from her sensitive skin.

"I could just take you." Fernando was gritting his teeth as if he was barely keeping himself from doing just that. "I can make you mine in whichever way I want and you are so burnt out that you can't even roll out of this bed even if I let your hands go." He dried his eyes with the back of his hand.

“This all was uncalled for. You did this to us.” Fernando let her arm go, but Emma couldn't stop or control her violent shaking and other than clumsily curling up to her right side, she wasn't able to do much. 

* * *

"I never meant to hurt you." Fernando sat on the edge of the bed, breathing hard to control himself. "It’s just … " He reached out and patted Emma's hair, knowing that the other was still going through her panic attack and couldn't get away. He watched Emma flinch, her eyes filled with hate, fear, but mostly helplessness. She had trusted him, and he did this to her.

"There is no need for me blackmailing you, is there? You know how things like this work in our world.” He told, untying Emma's wrist from the bedpost.

"You will behave, no?" He stood up and went to the main door. Emma cradled her abused hand to her chest, hating herself for every second of her weak state, still heaving.

 _“Protect what’s left.”_ Her brain told her. Now wasn’t the time to pick up a fight, not when she was alone with him. She needed help and maybe a nurse or someone, who could check her over. 

"Are you happy now?" She couldn't help but ask the question, trying to find the strength to get up from this accursed bed, all her limbs boneless and empty. “You didn't go all the way.”

“Maybe one day, when you want me too.” Fernando stood beside the door and watched her like a man who was witnessing his whole world sinking into an abyss as it cursed his very existence to the hell and back seven times. And maybe it really was so, because Emma's eyes were still the same, full of pride, full of that aloofness and icy beauty even when they swam in misery and helplessness.

“That'll never happen.” Emma was unconquerable, but Fernando knew that he'd do anything to get even the smallest bit of dents in that impenetrable fortress that was Emma's heart.

"You." He said, “are a terribly real thing in a terribly false world, and that, I believe, is why you are in so much pain. You always have to resist, even when you’re just hurting yourself with it, but I will protect you from now on.” He whispered to her, solemn like swearing an oath. An oath which felt like a curse.

"Now, you should sleep a little bit Princesa. We don’t want you all tried tomorrow." With that, he left the room and didn’t look back.

Emma reached down, feeling something wet dropping onto her stomach, before running down her side. Lifting her hand slowly she watched the drops of blood running down her fingers from her wrist, before dropping down on her chest this time. Her skin was broken on her wrists and all she thought about was how to hide it from her parents.

The young woman had watched Fernando shut the door behind him and finally managed to get herself into a sitting position. Only then when she saw the tears wetting her trembling hands, she realized she was crying.

Her body carried her over to the door, locking it in self-protection before Emma allowed herself to slide down, her head leaned against the closed door. How on earth was she meant to get out of this mess?


	22. Counting seconds on the alarm clock

# Chapter 22: Counting seconds on the alarm clock

The sun shone through the open blinds, letting in the soft sound of the ocean in the distance and the faint scent of salt in the air. Against the soft whooshing of the surf against the beach, there is the sound of someone splashing around that awakens Emma from her slumber.

With the greatest of effort, Emma opened her heavy eyelids. Her head was pounding, but what was even worse was the unbearable feeling of disorientation. Carefully, she turned on her back before slowly trying to sit up. Emma was alone in Fernando’s bedroom, which she realized after a few minutes, but it didn't look like it had ever been someone’s bedroom. No matter where she looked, her gaze met empty bottles, which were definitely still filled the night before. Which would also explain her hangover. The last time she was so drunk she didn't know, maybe she never was, because such a hangover would never have been forgotten.

Every time she closed her eyes snippets from the last few days appeared in front of her vision. Things she desperately wanted to forget forever. Emma sitting on the floor with Fernando holding on to her arm sternly, while forcing her to drink from the glass bottles. So, the girl would be easier to manhandle.

Herself starring at the alarm clock, counting seconds, while he had his way with her. Every time she reached 1 000, the young Lauda started from the beginning. Oh, countless times she had to start from the beginning again. Her brain and soul felt so numb, while her body wanted her to beg for mercy. To scream for him to stop, for help, but nobody was there to hear her, and Fernando was a monster.

Emma hated herself so much for not listening to the women, who have warned her from Fernando. _“Stay away from him girl. Please, don’t go near him. Not alone. NEVER.”_ She remembered the words of a woman she knew was working as a journalist around the F1 circus. Emma tried to remember her name, but she only recalled that it was something like her own. Short and starting with an E. She would try to find her if she ever had the chance to do so. When Emma was able to finally able form a clear thought, she believed she could recall that Jenson Button had called her Erin once during an interview.

Emma had often thought about what would happen once the race in Russia was due. Would Fernando just lock her up here and leave without her? Emma hadn't told anyone she was gonna be in Spain with Fernando. She was convinced of that because she had decided at the last minute to go there with him anyway. So, he could do whatever he wanted.

He couldn't let her walk around without people knowing what he did to her. She would go straight to the police, even if he threatened her, she was sure Fernando thought so. And although she wouldn't do anything like that once she was released. Her skin told the story, even if Emma wouldn't open her mouth. Maybe he'd get rid of her and say she had left for some reason a few days ago. Eventually, they would find her body floating in the sea if she could still be identified as herself.

With all the effort she could muster, she pulled back the white blanket to examine her graceful body. Her whole body was covered with small and also larger blue, red and purple spots, of which not all of them were possibly hickeys. Dazed, she grabbed the big one that was pilloried on the left side of her hip, which she regretted immediately when she flinched at the memory of Fernando gripping at her hipbones so hard, it bruised.

Her head was spinning, and her mind not really present not after what Fernando did to her. Not after what he did the last few days to her. Emma tried to get away, but they were alone here, and she didn’t know where her phone was. After about three attempts to escape she decided to stop it. She was too weak for another attempt and the pain of making Fernando angry was just unbearable.

Her split lip and dark blue almost black jar and cheekbone, they kept reminding her that she was too weak to do it alone. She had to find another way, and fast.

A few memories flashed through her mind. Him forcing himself on her, hurting her in the process way more than she could handle, making her easier to manhandle the day after. The alcohol and the drugs which he fed her, without her being able to refuse him, were only helping him in his fucked-up games. Emma wondered if he had planned this all along. She thought he was her friend and that she could trust him, but Emma has never before been so terribly wrong.

Horrified, she gazed through the devastated bedroom, looking for anything that would be suitable to wear. When her tired eyes had discovered something, she stepped on her wobbly legs and set off, but not without constantly looking for the urgently needed piece of furniture to hold on to. This wasn't the first time she had had a drink. Emma knew how it felt, but this was different. On top of all the pain of the bruises and the alcohol, Emma wasn’t new to drugs, she knew that something else was wrong with her. Emma desperately wanted to get out of here and find her phone.

Glancing at the mirror in front of her, Emma was deeply ashamed of her own body. Not only her face was coloured in a deep blue but her neck as well. Emma remembered how Fernando had put his hands around her throat, squeezing her. At one point, she was sure he would squeeze the last bit of life out of her, she had left. The bruises hand-shaped dark and ugly. Everybody would know what happened to her as soon as they laid eye on her. The rest of her body wasn’t any better. Some cuts on her arms from being tied against the bed frame and colourful marks, injuries spread over her whole body. Her normally milky white skin almost held the same colour scheme as a Vincent van Gogh painting.

Emma couldn't stand the knowledge of what had happened in Fernando’s bedroom last night. Oh God, she hoped he at least made sure she wouldn’t get pregnant. It would ruin everything, even more than it already was. Having a child with her rapist and prison guard. Deeply ashamed, as she was wearing nothing at all, she picked up one of the dress shirts Fernando must have left behind when he had hurried out before.

She was a little bit confused, not able to focus enough to figure out where her phone could be to begin with. She had peeped at the alarm clock next to the bed, which told her, that they were due to fly out to Sochi by today. The young Austrian wondered if he would take her with him. The fog in her brain finally cleared up a little bit an Emma remembered that she did tell someone where she was. Emma had mentioned it to Max when they agreed to have dinner at Sochi as soon as they would arrive. He'd certainly get suspicious if Fernando showed up without her or at least she hoped so.

Nonetheless, she had to do something now herself so Emma put a shirt on, consequently, she could make her walk downstairs. God, she wished she would be dead right now.

She walked slowly down the stairs in order to reach the huge living area where the kitchen was located as well, there she saw Nando leaning against the isle in the kitchen with his phone in his hand laughing quietly at something.

“Oh see! Sleeping beauty has finally woken up.” Fernando said as he saw her entering the kitchen with a smile on his face, but it slowly vanished. It didn’t take him even a minute to realise how uncomfortable the young woman felt right now. She looked around, lost. 

“What’s wrong Emma?” He asked her, using her name instead of one of the many nicknames to signalises her that he was really concern about her current behaviour and mood, but he was not, and she knew that. She looked so lost. Emma wanted to laugh.

_"_ _And Charles thought Max was putting on an act, all this time it was you who played double-crossed games.”_ She thought.

Fernando liked to think that he knew Emma Lauda quite well and he was used to her needs, moods and her behaviour by now. It wasn’t hard for him to hold her under control any longer. Fernando Alonso could read the youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan like a book, but sometimes she behaved in a way which let him doubt, he knew her at all.

Emma craved intimacy but got confused and uncomfortable when she was shown even slightest bit of attention or affection. She was like a raw and beautiful creature, which got scared away be even looking at it. So, he deseeded to just take it from her. There was no need for her to stress around or get scared this way. He was doing her a favour.

Emma shook her head as tears started to gather in her stormy blue eyes, which caused Fernando to rush to her side, his cup of coffee long forgotten. Carefully her rapped her in his arms, pulling her tightly against his chest, as he tried to hide her within the warm embrace. Every bone felt like Fernando tried to break them, her muscles on fire.

“It’s alright. I will bring you back to bed and you can sleep a little bit more. It will do you good.” He whispered into her neck, but it didn’t have the desired effect on her. He watched her with concern as Fernando lifted the young Austrian into his arms, to carry her back upstairs bridal style.

What Fernando didn’t realise was that she got his phone. “Sleep a little bit and everything will be better.” He promised her, leaving her in the room all alone.

The Spaniard had thought about telling her, that she hadn’t to worry about the next race anymore, because she would stay here, where she was safe and sound, hidden away from this dangerous world. But he decided against it. Maybe it was just better to lock her up in the house and leave without telling her. So, she wouldn’t get in the temptation to do something forbidden.

Emma had watched the door close, before she tried her best to reach it as fast as she could, locking it behind Fernando. There was no way she would give him a way to come back into this room when she had his phone. Emma unlocked it and called the only person she knew who could help her now without all hell breaking loose. 


	23. The missing pieces of the puzzle

# Chapter 23: The missing pieces of the puzzle

Max was furious. At first, he thought that you young Austrian had just forgotten to charge her phone, as so often, but when he still didn't get an answer from her after a couple of days it annoyed him. It was just a simple question. _“When do you want to go out?”_ He could understand, that she didn’t instantly reply, being on holiday with Fernando, but he had thought that he was important enough to Emma to simply texted back a date and a thumbs up or something along that line, but nothing came.

He thought things would finally get better between them after he was such a coward and had just left in the morning, but now Emma ignored him. _"All right, it's a two-man game,"_ the young Dutchman thought, so he didn't send any more messages. If she wanted to play the ignoring game, so be it.

Let her enjoy her stupid vacation at Fernando's side if she wanted to. He didn't care. Of course, Max cared. He checked his phone every once in a while, for messages from the Austrian, but he still remained true to his dogmas. He did not write to her either.

Max had always been very stubborn and so he manages to stick to his position until he arrived in Sochi and Emma, although she was expected to be in the same press conference, didn't show up.

Suddenly he regretted that he thought she had simply ignored him. He cursed himself, especially when he saw the distressed and alarmed looks between Lewis and Sebastian. Originally, he was convinced that he should simply walk up to the two world champions and demand them to tell him where the fuck the Austrian was, but suddenly all the trouble was replaced by worry. Where on earth was Emma? 

It was not at all like her to keep Lewis and Sebastian in the dark when she was doing anything. They always knew everything about her, Max had come that far. Probably the two knew not only that he had slept with Emma, but also that he had had a panic attack through which the young McLaren driver had helped him. Pushing this thought aside, he left the people from Red Bull standing in the cold when he saw the German Ferrari driver standing in front of his own garage. Without thinking much about it he let Sebastian in, baked him by the arm and pulled him behind him. Max had had enough now, he wanted to know what kind of games were being played here.

Contrary to what he had expected, the German didn't value himself at all and let the Dutchman pull him behind the motorhomes. There he let go of Sebastian before he crossed his arms in front of his chest and looked at the German expectantly.

"You could have just asked me to come along, you know?" Sebastian started to speak as he straightened the sleeve of his red Ferrari jacket, his gaze a little bit annoyed.

"I don't think the whole thing is funny anymore. If she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, she can tell me. This whole game of hide-and-seek is ridiculous." Max said, not caring if Sebastian thought he was rude, but the German didn’t care for the way Max was talking to him right now. Far too interested in what the young Dutchman told him.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian needed clarity. If Max knew anything it might help them find the young girl.

Max didn’t understand where Sebastian was coming from. He was Emma’s best friend, she told him everything. Max was sure Sebastian also knew about their dinner plans. So why would he question him like that? What was really going on?

"We had a dinner date on Wednesday. She could've just told me she didn't want to see me. Or let one of you do it, but the silence gets on my nerves. It's ridiculous that she'd give up free practice just to avoid seeing me.” Max spoke, not really bothered by the confused look the German was giving him but Sebastian wasn’t bothered by the way Max had crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed either.

"Max, we don't think she stood you up on purpose. Emma's missing." Seb said tenderly. He was sorry, that he had to tell Max. Sebastian should have thought about the Dutchman before. Telling him now felt a little bit too late.

Max leaned against one of the motorhomes. Thinking about what Sebastian just had told him. It was a possibility, but the Dutch wasn’t sure if Sebastian was bullshitting him just for fun or not, even though it wasn’t Seb’s style to do something so cruel. 

"What are you talking about. She was in Spain all week with Fernando." Max shared this piece of information with Sebastian and the German could feel tread rise in the pit of his stomach. He never asked questions, never knew if the things people whispered about the Spaniard were true, but now he definitely felt uneasy.

Normally he wouldn’t believe a word the press was whispering in each other’s ears, but today it felt so real. It felt like they finally found the last piece to their puzzle.

Kimi was friends with Fernando, Sebastian knew that, but he had also witnessed, how Kimi followed Fernando’s every step with his eyes, the one night all of them were out parting. At first, Seb had though Kimi simply disapproved, that Fernando was so close with much younger and still not legal Emma but maybe it had been something else. All this time Kimi seemed to know something, but Sebastian never asked. It never felt important until today.

“You’re sure?” Sebastian questioned, as he got his phone.

“Yeah. She told me so. Who are you calling?” Max was still confused, but they would tell him about everything. He deserved the truth.

“Lewis. He needs to hear this as well.” Sebastian started, before greeting the Brit shortly.

* * *

“What exactly are we talking about?” Max questioned after he accepted the bottle of water Sebastian gave him. They were all seated in Sebastian’s motorhome, but the two world champions were short of words, not telling the Dutch exactly what they thought was going on. Max was known for his temper, nobody would believe him if he said Fernando deserved it. The media would just make a big deal out of it and they wouldn’t even get one step closer to Emma.

“We’re talking about the possibility that Fernando has something to do with Emma’s missing.” Lewis clarified for the young Dutch, while he tried his best to think back. The time they were teammates was long ago, Lewis wasn’t sure if Fernando really could have done something to Emma, but to begin with, he wasn’t sure they could trust Max either.

The only reason Lewis didn’t accuse Max of harming Emma was the way he reacted as he confronted Sebastian. The boy thought he had been rejected. They have never thought about Max in the first place so why would he bring his own name in if he had really done something to her. It would have been stupid or very brilliant. Somehow Lewis could imagine Max being both. But then there was Kimi’s missing and Lewis was sure Max was not a serial killer, the boy might have it in him, but not while facing Kimi Räikkönen. So, the only one left was Fernando Alonso. 

“I don’t understand why we’re wasting our time. Why don’t we just walk up to Alonso and demand an answer from him.” Max asked as he got up from his seat, ready to walk over to the door, but Sebastian pushed him back down on the sofa next to Lewis.

“First of all, we’re not letting you run around unsupervised any longer. We need to be careful about who we telling what and the chances that you go and pick up a fight with Fernando are way too high.” Sebastian looked at Max exactingly, as the youngest was about to open his mouth, but it was Lewis who spoke up. 

“So, let him.” He simply said. Max getting punched by the Spaniard might be funny. Of course, he would get in the way before the boy got hurt too badly, but sometimes a little bit of entertainment isn’t hurting anyone. Uh, well. This time maybe. What Lewis didn’t know was that Max was boxing as anger management and he was always angry.

“Thanks,” Max said sarcastically, while Seb just shook his head. They were stuck, so a little confrontation with Fernando was there only way to get information.

“Just saying.” Lewis defended himself lamely, but Max ignored it.

“Do you really think Fernando could have harmed Emma?” Sebastian asked Lewis, who just shrugged.

“Man, I don’t know. He was always ruff with his girlfriends. I’ve seen them many times with bruises, but Emma. … Not even Fernando is so stupid to touch Formula One Royalty. Especially so young.” Maybe Lewis had a point, but you never know.

Max scrunched up his nose. He knows what his dad could do to him in a few minutes, he didn’t even want to know what a grown man could do to Emma in around five days. He wonders if she’s still alive. Maybe she’s dying somewhere, scared and alone, while he is talking with Lewis and Sebastian, who could hurt her. It doesn’t matter for him, who hurt her at the moment. Once she is safe hell will rain down on the one who had hurt her. But right now all that mattered was to get her back.

Max did no longer listen to what Sebastian and Lewis tried to figure out or which kind of plan they had in mind, all Max knew was that Emma was missing and Fernando was the last person, who had seen her. So he stood up, not in the mood for any more bullshit and went to walk through the door, but Sebastian stopped him. Blocking the doorway with his own body.

“Haven’t you listened as I told you, that I won’t let you run around unsupervised?” Sebastian asked a little bit annoyed with the boy until he saw all these raw emotions in Max’s eyes. He really cared for Emma and maybe he even understood what real pain means.

“I don’t care. He was the last one who saw her. And he will fucking tell me what he knows.” Max was a stubborn being, wild and untamed. A force of nature, but Sebastian Vettel was a Dad. A fucking brilliant dad. He feared no tantrum, not even one from Max Verstappen.

“I understand your feelings.” He told him carefully. “I want her safe and sound as much as you do, but we have to be smart about this Max.” His voice sincerely and his eyes honest. Max never had a father like Sebastian, he barley could handle all this tenderness. It was crazy and weird and somehow calming.

“We’re talking to him. You keep your distance kid. We will find her.” Lewis promised fierce and all Sebastian wanted to do was sigh deeply. Calming Max was like his masterpiece and Lewis throw some wood into the fire.

“What happens when it’s too late, huh? When you finally find her and she’s dead?” Max question, getting a little bit more into Lewis face with every word he spoke. At least he wasn’t about to storm through the door any longer.

“Don’t ever underestimate her. She’s Emma Lauda.” By now Sebastian wondered if maybe Lewis was an idiot. The Brit was trying to extinguish a fire with petrol.

“A famous name is nothing when you’re lying in your own blood, begging yourself to give up,” Max said, no emotion on his face. Sebastian doesn’t even want to know why a twenty-year-old kid was able to give such examples. Don’t they have a Youth Welfare Office in the Netherlands?

Lewis and Seb made Max swear he wouldn't say anything to Niki or James until they had talked to Fernando, but the Dutchman became more restless with every hour the Spaniard denied knowing something about Emma’s whereabouts.


	24. The purple side of a deep burgundy

# Chapter 24: The purple side of a deep burgundy

Maybe it was a stupid move to call one of the Spaniard friends, but Emma believed that she could trust him. He was friendly with her and really concerned, which caused the young woman to trust him now. They weren’t good friends or anything, but Emma knew that Seb genuinely liked the Finn, so he couldn’t be a bad guy and he was the only one who could help her, without the press figuring it out. After coming to this conclusion, she decided she could trust Kimi Räikkönen. 

Emma didn’t know how Kimi would manage to free her, but after she had trusted him with what had happened, he promised her to come to her aid. With each passing hour, she clung more and more to this promise especially when Fernando found out that she locked herself in. He tried with all his might to get into the room and threatened to break the door down when it suddenly became very quiet. Emma didn't know what had happened, she still hugged one of the cushions to her chest while she sat in the corner of the room farthest away from the door, hoping Fernando would just disappear.

The young Austrian could barely read the incoming message, her hands were shaking so hard. Fernando had sent himself a text via Emma’s phone. Telling her, that they would talk as soon as he’s back from the race and that there would be hell to pay when he comes back and she is gone. Worried, that Fernando, somehow figured out she had called Kimi, Emma tried to call the Finn again, but the laine never connected. The bastard reported the phone stolen and blocked the SIM card and killed the Wi-Fi connection as well. There was no way for Emma to talk to anybody now.

Even though Emma knew, that Fernando was gone, she didn’t manage to get herself to leave the room. She was unwatched, could have made it herself away from the hell hole, but Emma decided that she would wait. Kimi had promised to come and get her and its possibility, that she had internal bleeding or other serious injuries were too high to ignore. Even if she could make it through the house alone and leave the property unaided, she still does not know the area. She could get lost, take a wrong turn, and put herself in even greater danger with her current condition. No, the youngest Lauda offspring knew, that she had to be patient. For once at least.

Emma woke to loud steps in the hall. She didn’t know when she had drifted off, but her anxiety told her that right now wasn’t the time to wonder about that but to make sure she was safe in here. 

What if Fernando had changed his mind, if he didn't want to leave her alone after all, or if Max had confronted him about the whereabouts of Emma. He had her phone, maybe someone from her Team had seen it, or maybe even James. Emma avoided thinking about her parents as much as she could. That way she could avoid thinking about how worried Niki must be because they hadn't been able to reach their daughter for several days. Probably James was already turning over every stone between Singapore and Russia in search of his missing daughter.

The steps grew louder and Emma closed her eyes painfully as someone tried to open the locked door. _“He came back.”_ Her brain told her, before screaming at Emma to not, under no circumstances open this damn door. It was all that protected her right now.

It wasn't long before she heard a gentle knock on the door. "Emma. Open the door for me, will you?" Kimi asked her softly, making her scramble to her feet, running over to the door, but there she hesitated briefly. She didn’t know what to do, but then she recalled Seb’s trust in the Finn. Sebastian Vettel, the only one apart from her parents, Lewis and Adrian she trusted with her life, so she decided to open the door. She just hoped that Seb’s judgment was better than hers.

Kimi pushed her to the side, walked in and closed the door again, before looking them up. Just in case. He saw Emma’s panicked look, as he locked them up together and normally, he would have told her that he had just locked them in, so she would feel safer, but he couldn’t say anything. Not after he had seen the state the young Austrian was in.

In some weird and fucked up way, Emma Lauda looked like a dalmatian, but it was the hand-shaped bruises around her neck, that worried him most. This and the left side of Emma's face, which by now has already reached the purple side of a deep burgundy.

“I … I won’t hurt you. I swear.” He promised her, still standing in front of the locked door. Kimi didn’t want to scare her. The Finn wanted to take her in his arms and promise, that the worst was over now, that he would keep her safe from now on until he personally brought her back to her parents, but Kimi felt like talking wasn’t the right thing to do right now.

He stood awaking in her room while she sat on the bed. She hadn’t moved a lot since she had let him in. Kimi needed to show Emma that he meant no harm to her. Would they be a dog, he would lay on his back by now. Emma tried a few times to say something but always stopped herself again. Waking up and down in the room, Kimi finally decided to take a seat next to the young Austrian.

“Can we just leave. There is a race I need to compete in.” Emma finally spoke up, to which Kimi just nodded, causing her to mumble a short “thanks” before she stood up and to gather all her things together to leave with the Finn. Kimi knew that she would not, but it was good, that Emma gave herself a reason why she needed to survive this. The race itself wasn’t important at all but her parents were there, so he simply got along with it.

The youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan requested him to keep her company, as they went to the other room to get her things and she asked him to get her phone back from Fernando, as soon as they would arrive in Sochi what Kimi promised her he would do, he would punch the Spaniard in the face if Emma asked him to.

The farewell was short because there wasn’t one. Emma was just glad she could leaven, even though she felt like she left a piece of herself in this house in Spain. Kimi was taking the young Austrian with him and that was it. Emma didn’t speak with Kimi. There was no need for that. Everything was said and everything was done for now at least. Kimi just wanted to see her safely back in the arms of her fathers. 

“You must think I’m pathetic.” She started after an hour of flying in silence. “No.” He replied, watching her a little bit. She had dressed herself up a little bit and looked better now, not good, but better. Still, Kimi was sure her parents would get a heart attack when they would see her. The Finn had to think about his own daughter, which was still a toddler, but he would definitely have a heart attack would he see Riana ever even near the state young Emma was in right now. 

“You’re really not a man of many words, are you?” The young girl questioned. Kimi wanted to tell her, that he only spoke when it mattered, but that wasn’t helping her right now. She needed to sleep a little bit, but Kimi understood, that she simply couldn’t trust enough to sleep next to a man, who was almost a stranger to her.

“Thank you for coming and getting me. I appreciate that Kimi.” She tried again to talk a little bit with him. Sitting here on a private jet on her way to Sochi, even when Kimi’s home was the other way from where she was felt strange and the girl wasn’t sure if she could trust him, but Seb did and that was already a reason to trust him at least a little bit.

“It’s was on the way.” He shrugged.

“No, it wasn’t,” Emma replied, which caused Kimi to look at her a minor smile on his lips.

“No, it wasn’t.” He said then, before restarting to scroll through his phone.

“Why did you help me?” He wasn’t going to answer that. He would never tell her, that he came to her aid because he once … didn’t. It was partly his fault that a woman got hurt once before because he simply couldn’t see that she was hidden asking for his help.

Emma, on the other hand, was way more direct. She told him what Fernando did without a second thought, which he guessed had something to do with Sebastian. Sebastian, he would never again speak with him again, if he didn’t help the girl.

“Do you have a plan?” He asked her after some time.

“What you do, when you see Fernando, I mean. McLaren isn’t a place where you can stay safely.” He clarified, causing Emma to nod slowly. She hadn’t even though about that. All she wanted to do is going back to her life, how it was before she went with to Spain. Now Emma felt stupid for thinking, that she simply could go back, like nothing ever happened, but there was also no way, she could tell anybody about what happened to her. The FIA would end her carrier, before it even really started, for so much drama. 

“I … I haven’t thought about that.” Emma said, which let Kimi nod. She was such a good kid, why did this have to happen to her

“You’ll let him get away with it?” Kimi questioned. Now was not the time to tell her he would go to court for her. For now, they needed a solid plan on how to get around the paddock, without giving Fernando or the media the chance to bother the young Austrian.

Kimi thought about hiding her in the Mercedes garage. Toto always was a decent man and would surely allow them to do so, especially with Lewis guarding her side 24/7 while she was in the paddock, but the Finn was sure, that Niki would get the shock of his life when he saw his daughter like this.

His own garage was his first thought, but Kimi was sure, that Fernando could guess that as well. In addition, he didn't trust Binotto and couldn't take care of an emotional Sebastian on top of everything else.

The only real possibility was her future team. Christian had experience in hiding his driver from an abusive father, he would be able to take care of the little one for a few hours if she really wanted to participate in the race as well, but Kimi will only allow this if a doctor gives her the okay. The Finn would send her trainer to play bodyguard, while her PR-assistant would keep the press off her back.

Emma seemed to get along with Max well and Dan was able to hold his tongue when it was important, Seb had told him that some time ago. So, the Aussie can be trusted, the only problem was Marko, but Kimi was sure, that Christian would take care of the old man. 

“No. Maybe I will run him over with my car the next time a see him, not sure yet.” She replied, causing a little smile to appear on the Finns lips. Fernando may have tried to break the girl but Emma was a Lauda.

“It wasn't consensual, was it?” Kimi asked even though he knew the answer, he wasn’t blind, and Fernando has never treated women well.

“I was never asked.” Emma simply answered and the Finn was surprised how much she looked like Seb when she talked.

“Doesn’t mean yes,” Kimi told her, making sure she knew that, but Emma did.

“No, it doesn’t.” Fernando might have touched her without her consent, but he hasn’t broken her. Frightened and intimidated, yes. He also had hurt her several times, but Emma would make him pay for that, maybe she didn’t know that quite yet, but Kimi did.

“I have a plan for this weekend and then you should think about suing him,” Kimi told her, but Emma knew that she could never do that. The press would end her carrier. They would all start to fight about who they could believe, and Emma didn’t want that. She just wanted peace.

But Kimi’s words were still heavy on her mind. Emma hasn’t even considered naming it anything worth suing the Spaniard. She just thought it was a stupid action and she had to live with it, but Kimi was right. Nobody had to live with that.


	25. A beautiful day in hell

# Chapter 25: A beautiful day in hell

Sneaking around the circus alongside Kimi was way easier than Emma had expected. The young Austrian was wearing one of the Finn’s Ferrari hoodies, the hood pulled deep into her face and the sunglasses made her almost completely unrecognizable. Nobody expected Emma Lauda to hide beneath a red Ferrari hoody when she walked around the paddock, so that was a plus point.

As in hypnosis, she let Kimi guide her through the paddock until they arrived at the medical station. There some nurses were already waiting for the young Austrian.

As Emma was later told, this was not the first time Kimi had asked the doctors who travelled all year round on Formula One for such a favour. The nurses promised Emma that nothing more would happen to her here and that no one present would talk to the press as she took some blood to see if there were any traces of drugs or alcohol still in her system. That and Kimi's presence in the room encouraged Emma to take off her hoody so the friendly doctor could examine her. Emma knew him, he'd checked her over a couple of times after a collision.

Warily watching the older man with greyish hair, do his work for a few minutes, Emma decided that he was to be trusted for now. He asked her for her consent, before the man touched her cheeks, making her freeze like a deer in the headlight in the process.

“When you tell me to stop. I will.” He promised as he noticed her stiffness, but Emma shook her head. She was fine, he wasn’t hurting her.

“I’m sorry, but I need you to tell me to go on.” The Doctor said, which caused Emma to actually relax a little bit, before she took a deep breath, telling him to go on with his examination. Kimi watched, as the Doctor touched Emma’s cheeks again, before moving her head a little bit to take a look at her throat. Tilting her head back a little bit more, he explained to her what he would do next before he got his little lamp and shone in both her eyes. That was the easier part of the procedure, but he needed to see the rest of her body as well, to evaluate the damage.

At first, it was alright, she told herself that it was okay, one of the nurses was holding her hand tightly after she had removed her shirt. Olivia was her name. Emma tried her best to concentrate on the woman, while the doctor carefully touched her lower abdomen and then her back. The whole time he didn’t say much. Only what he needed Emma to do and to make her aware of him touching her before he did. Normally he praised his patients when they did as well as Emma did, but he saw how uncomfortable and stiff it made her. So, he stopped his praises. All this happened under Kimi's watchful eye. Until they came to a part Emma wasn’t looking forward to. To be true it was hell to her, but the doctor needed to examine her whole body in order the see the damage and to make sure Emma had medical prove if she wanted to sue Fernando later.

“I’m waiting just outside the door.” Kimi told them quietly, about to leave the room, but Emma stopped him with a desperate ‘NO!’. Asking him, to stand by her side and hold her hand, while the doctor was doing his work. There was no way the Finn would deny Emma this wish. So the Ferrari driver was standing next to her side, brushing his fingers carefully through her unruly golden hair, as he let Emma clutch to his hand as hard as she could.

The feeling was terrible, knowing so well that someone touched her to get proof of what Fernando did to her, making it official. The tears were flowing freely now, but Emma didn’t make any sound. She wouldn’t give Fernando that. Emma wouldn’t allow him to win.

She was glad that the examination was over and that the Doctor had relatively good news for her. Even though she couldn’t wear her contact lenses for a few days, her eye wasn’t damaged, and the bones weren’t broken. She would be sore for another week for sure, but there were no internal bleedings for now. Still, he wanted to have her over after every stint she drove, making sure there were no bleedings after all. He gave her a few packets of pills, she could take, when the pain got too much and some sleeping pills as well, just to make sure.

Although he could no longer detect any alcohol in her blood, he did find residues of medication that the young Austrian had not taken voluntarily. These medications were better known as rape drugs. Emma was barely able to listen to the man talking. It was all too much, and she just wanted to sleep, but the two of them already missed the press conference on Thursday and all free practice sessions. There was no way Kimi and herself could compete in the race after missing qualifying as well. 

After the doctor and nurse have left, Kimi kneeled in front of Emma, taking both of her hands in his. He knew why the young Austrian wanted to drive so badly. She felt the need to show everybody, that what happened to her didn’t define her. That no man would ever win just because he abused her. At first Kimi though she did this simply to beat Fernando on track, but he realised, as he watched her resting on the examiner chair that she needed to drive to remind herself, who she was and that nobody could take it away from her, no matter what they did to her body.

“Do you really feel ready to drive?” He questioned, which caused Emma to look at him. The young Austrian knew that she would never be able to express how thankful she was, that Kimi was supporting her through all of this.

“Yes. I was born for this. Nobody takes that away from me.” Emma tried to sound strong, but she failed miserably. She was just a little girl, which seemed even younger in the much too big hoody, redden cheeks and the smudged mascara.

“Well, in that case.” Kimi started, before he got to his feet, offering Emma a hand, so she could jump from the desk she was sitting at easier.

“I'll walk you to your car. Andrew, Kiwi, and Matteo know, just like I promised you. As soon as qualifying's over, I'll be back to pick you up. I'll take you to Lewis where you'll be spending the night. Is that okay with you, or do you want to change the plan again?" Kimi asked her.

“That’s good. Thank you again, Kimi.”

* * *

It was a dreadful feeling to be hidden away for something another human being did to you, but Emma tried her best to not think too much about what had happened. She knew herself damn well and knew that a breakdown would follow after all this. It was just a matter of time, so she did her best to postpone it as long as she could. The goal, for now, was to survive Sochi. Everything else she would take care of later.

Emma was thankful, that Kimi was at her side. He had talked with Kiwi, Matteo and Andrew, organised a few things and made sure she was comfortable with every step. The young Austrian girl barely managed to listen to him, as he told her what would happen from now on.

Emma’s head was full of the expression on Kiwi’s face after she had seen the young Austrian without a hood to cover her face. It was devasting, but there was no way changing that now. Emma would hide beneath her helmet and not put on a tone of makeup to cover what her skin looked like, now. Emma wanted Fernando to fear the moment she would remove her helmet, even though nobody knew it was him and people would probably talk shit about her for it. Shaming her for something someone else did to her. 

They've somehow managed to sneak into Emma’s driver’s room, after sending Kiwi to tell James, that his daughter arrived and that she would compete today.

Niki and James had been sick after not hearing from there daughter for the day. At one point they even flew over to Monaco only to witness an empty apartment. They tried to find out about her location, calling Sebastian and Lewis about it but their daughter’s best friends didn’t know where she was either.

Both of them tried their best to help the worried parents, Lewis offered to fly to Vienna to give emotional support to Niki and James while Sebastian went through every possible place the young woman could be. He had last seen her when she had given him the comics. Emma had not said a word about where she was going to spend the next few days, but he assumed she would be in Monaco, after all, she just came back from vacation. So, why should she be somewhere else? Only when they all arrived in Sochi bit by bit and the Austrian was still missing Sebastian started to really fret about her.

In addition, his teammate was also missing, and Max had asked Seb if he knew why Emma hadn't arrived yet. It was the Dutchman who explained to Lewis and Sebastian that Emma had told him that she was flying to Spain with Fernando, but the Spaniard was here, and the Austrian was missing.

Emma flinched as she heard her father’s loud voice beaming through her door. Ordering her to allow him access to her driver’s room, but Emma was frozen, she didn’t move, not at all. Stopped in the middle of dressing herself in her race suit.

Kimi glanced at her from the sofa, he already wore his race suit and was ready to start, after Mark his trainer has got him his things from Ferrari. He had just walked back to get Kimi his drink as well, as he was faced with an angry Sebastian Vettel, who had demanded from Mark to tell him, were Kimi was and if he had anything to do with Emma’s absenteeism. It was rare that Sebastian was really angry, but when it happened, God forbid if you are the recipient of his anger. Run and hide until he has calmed down.

Binotto wasn’t happy about his driver’s behaviour either but it was nothing in comparison to Seb. He was pure range today, which is why Britta made herself scarce.

“Man, I swear I don’t know shit.” Mark tried but Sebastian was having none of it. He threatened him that he would also bring Lewis into play if he did not answer him immediately. The poor guy really didn’t want to face the two world champions when it was about Emma Lauda, so he simply told Sebastian about Kimi and Emma’s whereabouts. Feeling like a traitor but Sebastian wasn’t stupid, he would have simply followed Mark.

The German simply nodded, before he was off towards the McLaren garage, with Kimi’s trainer not far behind. Man, he wished Kimi had the same condition the German was showing right now.

Sebastian was ready to march into Emma’s driver’s room alongside James, how looked more than unhappy, seeing the Finn’s trainer return to his daughter’s door and Mark had been so happy as he got away from James earlier.

“You!” The Brit growled before he pins Mark against the door. For his age, James was terrible fit, which Mark just discovered, as the Brit was holding him at his collar a few inches over the ground.

“What game are you guys playing?” The Brit wanted to know, while now Sebastian knocked against the door, telling Emma how worried they all were and asking if she was okay. Mark did his best to free himself, telling James the same thing she had told Sebastian before only to add, that he was just doing his job.

Kimi watched Emma worried. The idiots scared her beyond everything. James with his anger, Mark with his screaming and Sebastian with his fussing mother hen mode. Walking over to her. Kimi crotched down in front of her after the tight the loose ends of her sleeves together around her waist.

“Nothing will happen to you.” He promised, before he walked up to the door, unlocked it, so he could walk out, before closing the door firmly behind him again.

They all went silent, as they saw the Finn starring them down with no mercy. “You idiots are scaring her.” He simply started and James thought he misheard what the Finn just said, but as he gave Kimi the chance to overthink his words again, he just repeated the sentence.


	26. The poetry of pain

# Chapter 26: The poetry of pain

Emma didn’t know what Kimi did but she decided that she wouldn’t ever ask either. He somehow claimed the storm that was brewing in front of her door, so when she finally was ready to leave her room in order to get to her car. Everybody was gone. Sebastian somewhere in his own garage. Mark had left as well and Andrew was there to guide her side after Kimi had left with the promise to be back as soon as the qualifying would have ended. Emma believed him, she knew she was safe with Kimi, but she felt like all of this was a little over the top. Until she saw Fernando across the garage.

He was about to put on his helmet but froze in the process, seeing the young Austrian standing in her part of the garage rather than Stoffel. He took a step forward, which caused Emma from the helmet hidden eyes to grow in fear, but Andrew was fast to see what scared his protegee, so he fixed Fernando with a stern glance, before carefully touching Emma. It was just his hand on her shoulder and Emma knew Andrew did it as a form of protection and solidarity, but she couldn’t bear it. Her skin aced and felt like someone branded her, like a cow, but she couldn’t show Fernando, that she hated Andrew’s touch. She couldn’t let him win.

As soon as she could she withdrawer from Andrew with a mumbled sorry, but he told her that he understood. “There is nothing to be sorry for. I will always stand by your side, no matter what.” It almost sounded like an oath, but Emma wasn’t stupid enough to believe that. She couldn’t trust anybody, not even her most trusted friends, because Fernando was one of them before he betrayed her for his disgusting desire for her.

Emma felt bad about it, but she had decided, that they all needed to prove themselves to her before she could trust them again. It might have been unfair on most of them, but her own mental health was superior. If they really were her friends, they accepted that.

Emma shortly glanced at her father, but James seemed to understand without her saying anything. Maybe Kiwi told him, about what had happened, but Fernando was still alive, so James had no clue it was him. Her parents also didn’t know that she went with him to Spain, which was the best way at the moment. She would tell them, one day, but not yet.

James seemed like he wanted to walk over to her, but he kept his distance. She felt bad and was thankful at the same time. Emma knew that he had seen the bruise around her cheek and jaw, but all his did was smiling at her. It was his try to tell her, that he was thankful that she was back and that he would do everything to help her through this. James was always able to somehow keep his distance and be the logical part of the parents when something happened to her.

Emma remembered the days she learned how to drive a bicycle like it was yesterday. At first it went terribly wrong, with Emma hurting her leg so bad, blood was all over the floor. Both her parents were by her side in no time but while James came with the medikit and a solid first aid plan Niki was so hysterical, that Emma, bloody like she was told him to calm down and to breath with her. After the danger was over, the injuries aided, and the breaths caught James and Emma started to laugh. It may have been on Niki’s expense and he mumbled some insults towards his husband but in the end, they were happy. Where the hell did this time go?

* * *

Being back in the car, Emma felt free again. Like nothing ever happened. Like she was still the woman she was a few weeks ago. It was Matteo, who told her about her P4 and Emma as grateful for that. This way there was no reason for her to see the press. Or at least James told her so before he approved of her going with Kimi. They made sure James knew that Emma was staying with Lewis for now for which he was grateful but he felt like he could already hear Niki insulting him for letting their daughter go again just after they got her back.

Smiling painfully, James knew that this was going to be a long night. Kiwi had told him, what had happened to their daughter and he would do as Emma asked him, to tell Niki. He could understand that she didn’t want him to see her in her current condition. Hench, James could barely look at his daughter and he only saw her face. He wondered if he had been a bad father, not warned Emma enough of strangers and what they could do to her, but James also knew that Emma was a smart girl. She would never trust a stranger, just because of her mother to begin with.

So, he came to the tragic conclusion, that somebody Emma trusted hurt his daughter. And god forbid, when he figures out who was hurt his little baby, there would be hell to pay.

* * *

Knocking carefully Kimi glanced down at Emma next to him. She was covered in one of his Ferrari hoodies, with a simple backpack in her hand. He figured out before that carrying it over her shoulder hurt her too much. “You’re okay, staying with Lewis, don’t you?” He asked her again but knew the answer already. Emma was willing to give some people more trust, to begin with, and Lewis was one of them. She would be fine staying with him, or at least she hoped so.

“Lewis is good. We will manage.” She answered before Lewis opened the door. Kimi had warned the Brit to not show Emma what a shock her current appearance was, and he managed just fine. Lewis didn’t hug her like he normally would, just greeted her shortly, before stepping aside. He offered Kimi to come in as well, but the Finn declined. Telling them shortly, that he had a meeting with the team in a little bit. That he would have to face Sebastian as well, wasn’t something Emma would have to worry about.

Closing the door softly, Lewis smiled at Emma. She stood in the middle of the room, more or less a little bit lost. They would manage. He was about to ask her if she wanted to watch a film, as she stopped him. Asking him to lock the door. Maybe it would be more work than Lewis had expected. At least she was okay to be in the room with him.

Lewis still put a film on, and it didn’t take long until Emma fell asleep next to him. Coddled into a bunch of blankets and hit a pillow pressed against her chest. He thought about it a little bit but decided, that he deserved to know that she was okay, so Lewis left the living room area to walk into the bedroom. Calling Max.

* * *

The team meeting wasn’t that bad, apart from Sebastian constantly starring at him, like he was the biggest traitor in history. Both of them barely listen to what the team had to say, only staring at each other. He was just glad he had brought Emma to Lewis so she wouldn’t have to witness what would surely follow.

“Okay. Say what you wanna say.” Kimi started as only the two were left in the converses room, but Sebastian shook his head, before getting up. He got himself another bottle of water and walked out of the room. Not saying even one word.

Well, Kimi didn’t expect that, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it. No, Kimi was fucking terrified of Sebastian’s reaction. Now there was two way this could end. Number one, Sebastian won’t talk to him for days until he worked him up in such a state, so he would have a breakdown, which would be very bad especially with Emma’s current condition on top. Or number two, Sebastian wouldn’t talk to Kimi, go back to his own room, and let it all out, which would end in a breakdown right now, so … well shit.

Kimi stood up as well to follow Sebastian through the facility. Calling his name every once in a while, but the German didn’t react at all. Sebastian just walked to his driver’s room and closed the door behind him. A little bit confused Kimi stopped in front of the German’s door, before shaking his head. It was Seb, so Kimi simply opened the door and walked in. Not bothered by the annoyed look of the younger ones.

The Finn flopped down at Sebastian’s bed and watched him, as he started to gather all his things. Would he really leave without saying a word?

“You’re not going to say anything?” Kimi asked carefully.

“She’s with Lewis right now, because I’m too emotional and you expect me to lose my shit and break down because of that?” The German started, not bothered to turn around in order to face the Finn.

“Well, yes.” Kimi shrugged, which caused Sebastian to nod. He knew that they expected him to react that way, but it still hurt to hear Kimi confirm it.

Both men listen to the silence between them. The only sound between them was Sebastian shoving his things into his backpack. He shoved the last item in before he turned to face Kimi. The Finn hadn’t moved much, just watched his friend for a while in silence. 

“I’m glad you rescued her. I’m grateful you were there when she needed you the most. I’m really am.” Sebastian started to tell Kimi, as he put the backpack next to the door. “But I’m angry that you didn’t reply to my texts, neither to my calls. I was worried about her and you as well, Kimi.” He added, still not facing the Finn.

Kimi couldn’t understand where Sebastian was coming from. In that moment nothing was more important than the little Lauda offspring. She needed help and attention, so Kimi was willing to give it to her. “I had to take care of her.” He answered sternly, but Sebastian was having none of it.

“So, a simple text, that both of you were alive was too much to ask for?” He questioned Kimi a little bit louder now, the anger clear in his eyes to see for everyone, who was looking. Kimi knew that he should run and hide. Angry Sebastian was no fun at all.

“Sebastian.” He tried to calm him, but the German only raised an eyebrow silencing the Finn with his gesture.

“I know that you all think I’m not able to take care of hard things, but you have no idea.” Accused Sebastian.

“What are you trying to say?” Kimi wondered. He had no clue where this was going.

“I’m saying that you guys think I’m useless because I seem happy.”

“You … what? Seem?” Kimi stood up from the bed, to walk up a few steps, facing Sebastian directly, barley a piece of paper could fit between the two of them.

“You have no idea what I went through my whole life and I’m sick of you guy thinking I’m not cable of emotional support because I smile through my pain. I’m by god not perfect and I hate that you guys laugh when I try to help Lewis with his fucked-up relationship or Emma with her anxiety. I’m damaged by this world as well, so fucking quite saying I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

Why has he never seen in how much pain Sebastian is? He is his teammate, one of his best friends, but Kimi never even thought about Sebastian not being happy. He was the one, who always had everything under control. The guy with four world championship titles, a loving family, a beautiful girlfriend and sweet kids. Kimi felt bad for not thinking that Sebastian could have troubles in his life as well. 

“Okay. … I’m sorry, Seb.” The Finn said, watching closely as tears gathered in his clear blue eyes. Emma had the same eyes.

“You’re okay?” Kimi questioned, but he knew now that apparently Sebastian also was just a human being.

“No, I waited for somebody to see how much I struggle but nobody does. Everybody is too busy with themselves. Not Lewis, not Emma, not Hanna, not you. Nobody sees my pain. But I feel like it can’t be that bad when nobody sees it and I feel selfish for asking for help because Emma needed this help so much more at the moment and before that it was Lewis with his relationship and Emma with Max and her anxiety. I feel like there is no place for my little problems because theirs are bigger.”

Sebastian was full-on crying as Kimi pulled him into a tight hug.

“It will be alright,” Kimi promised sympathetically.

Maybe even Sebastian Vettel was nothing more than a normal human being with worries and fears in his bones. And sometimes the world was just too much for all of them.


	27. Sunsets

# Chapter 27: Sunsets

“It’s all our fault,” Niki told James as soon as he walked through the door. The Austrian was standing close to the window, watching the sunset. Wondering where exactly their daughter was right now. He had seen her leaving with Räikkönen but Niki was sure, she didn’t trust the Finn enough to stay at her side, even when Emma tried to get some rest, so he suspected, that his little girl was with Hamilton or Sebastian.

He had only briefly seen his daughter, but the dark bruises clearly stood out on her milky white skin. Nobody could have ever overseen the fact, that someone clearly had hurt the youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan. The older Austrian wanted to walk up to his daughter and hug her deeply, never let her go again, but James had stopped him. Telling his husband, that Emma asked him to, so they would keep their distance until she felt like she could talk to them.

The question of who might have hurt his daughter never escaped his mind. At first, he thought it was some stranger, who didn't know that she was a famous race driver, but Niki had raised his daughter well. She wouldn't huck up with a random dude. Especially when she was all on her own. Emma knew there was no one she couldn't trust. Many were after her fortune and the fame that the family name brought with it.

He felt bad that he accused all her male friends, even when he thought about whether Sebastian and Lewis actually had an alibi. Both were nothing but helpful and concerned. The Brit even flew to Vienna to help the two worried parents, while the German did everything humanly possible to find out the whereabouts of the young Austrian.

Sebastian has been in contact with just about every team on the grid in these few days and with most of the drivers. At one point, Sebastian was so worried that he called in favours from friends who lived near Emma's favourite hiding places in the world.

He had even asked Mark if he could go to Bristol, as Emma had recently bought a villa by the sea just outside the city. At first, the Australian was not really pleased with the request, but when Sebastian expressed his concern to him, the Australian decided to help his former teammate, but without success. The young Austrian was nowhere to be found and Sebastian owned Mark a favour now.

James closed the door behind him before he kicked his shoes off and got rid of his team jacket. Carefully he walked closer to his husband, who still had his gaze fixed on the sunset.

“What is that supposed to mean?” The Brit questioned his husband, as he tenderly put his hands down on Niki’s shoulders, but unlike usual, the Austrian did not relax under his touch.

“We should have known better. But nevertheless, we let our eighteen-year-old daughter go and live her own life. It’s our duty as her parents to protect her, but we failed.” Niki felt anger creeping up to him. He was Emma father, it was his duty to keep her safe, he had failed. Again.

“Even if we wanted to prevent her from taking charge of her own life, you know she wouldn't have listened to us. We raised a smart, strong, mature, independent woman. And I hate it as much as you do, but there are things out there even we can't protect her from.” Niki knew that his beloved husband was right, but that didn’t stop the guilt from seeping in.

Niki wondered what their life would be like today if he had stopped Emma from getting into Formula One. Whether she would have been a child a few years longer if she had continued to fight for the title in Formula 2 with Lando Norris, George Russel and Alex Albon.

At that time, she still lived at home and it would have been unthinkable that she would simply travel alone to a foreign country. Today it was quite normal. Emma had decided after Australia that she would rather live permanently in the family's apartment in Monaco than in Vienna.

After spending the summer break in Spielberg, Emma even decided, that she wanted to get her own apartment in Monaco rather than using the family once. Back then Niki was alright with his daughter growing up, he toughed it was the right direction she was going, but now he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Don’t you feel like we’ve lost her?” Niki questioned as he felt James arms snaking around his waist and his head on the Austrian’s shoulder.

Painfully James closed his eyes. “She never truly was ours, Niki. Emma always was unreachable.” James whispered back, thinking about what had happened with Emma’s mother. The girl tormented herself all night with memories from the past and concerns about the future. They did their best to gain her trust and to make her feel loved and treasured. It took its time, but Emma grew to love her parents, but part of her was constantly closed off deep inside. James sometimes wondered if it was the part of herself that took after her mother.

“Promise me we'll get her back. Promise me we're not gonna lose her more because of this." Niki whispered as he put his hands down on James joined once. The Brit only pulled him even closer to him and watched the night sky together with his husband. Wishing that their girl one day would be okay again.

James didn’t promise anything that night, but Niki wouldn’t push him. His husband had vowed that he would never promise something he wouldn’t be able to give to the Austrian.

* * *

Emma never understood why people loved the sunset some much. Yeah, it was nice to watch, but what was the point? Some pretty colours mixing up into something beautiful until darkness came to claim the sky. The darkness always came to conquer the sky and still people through it beautiful. An endless battle between the light and the darkness. Doomed to go on all eternity.

Emma was sick of fighting. Standing on the balcony with her head resting against the wall of the hotel she was watching the light struggle to maintain.

“What’s that smell?” Emma questioned Lewis, as he stepped next to her, resting his arms on top of the balcony railings while watching the sunset.

“Lavender oil.” He told her quietly before he pushed himself back to face her. “Seb says it helps to soften your anxiety.” Emma nodded shortly, not in the mood to talk about Sebastian right now. The young girl felt like she betrayed him. The call, she should have made as soon as Kimi had freed her never came and she seriously wondered what Seb thought about her now.

“It does.” She whispered softly to herself.

Emma had decided that her friends would have to earn her trust again, but how could they trust each other when the young McLaren driver did nothing to show then, that the actually could trust her in return. Maybe there were things she needed to make up for, before she could ask someone to prove their loyalty to her.

“How about we go inside, and you eat something, huh?” Lewis suggested, but Emma wasn’t ready yet. Her mind full of things and empty at the same time.

“Just a little bit longer, Lew.” She whispered back, which caused Lewis to dump his team jacket around her shoulders before he left her alone some more.

Maybe her perspective was wrong. Yeah, the light and the darkness were chasing each other, but they always held the same amount of themselves. There was a balance between these two forces of nature. Like two lovers running after each other without realizing that they were running in circles.

* * *

“You know I would never push you to say something, but I want you to know that I will always listen to you.” Lewis promised Emma quietly after he had watched her for a while poking around in her food. Emma has always been a contradiction in terms. She loved food, was a true gourmet and enjoyed it, and at the same time, she sometimes forgot to eat at all for days on end.

“Kimi made sure I have evidence to sue him if I want.” She told Lewis quietly, after putting her fork down. The Brit has never imagined that they would speak about something like that one day, but that didn’t change the fact that he will always listen to her. Loyalty was something both of the valued highly.

Emma was still so young, and Lewis had trouble to understand why god let something like this happen. There were so many things on this planet Lewis couldn’t put in accordance with his faith. Lewis just had to believe that there was something out there making sure that the humankind wouldn’t burn itself to the ground. He just had to hold on to something.

“That’s good. You should really take that into consideration.” He encouraged Emma.

On the other hand, the Brit understood, that Emma had lost fate in something bigger than herself. Emma was an atheist. She believed in science and in her own ability to make a change. He just hoped she would achieve that goal one day.

The young Austrian sigh deeply, before she looked into Lewis warm brown eyes. He wouldn’t stop pushing her to sue Fernando, so she could tell him about her point of view right now as well. There was no point in hiding her true feelings away, not in front of Lewis.

“I don’t stand a chance. Not with my position in society. People will say I’ve asked for it. That I liked it. The media will take his side because Fernando is a man. They will make me seem crazy, hysterical. The FIA will end my carrier and distance themselves from me because that’s not the image they want for Formula One. I’m just allowed to compete so nobody can say the sport is sexist. Our society is fucked up, Lewis.”

The Brit listen close and even though he knew that the young Austrian was having quite a few points, he couldn’t simply watch as Emma let Fernando get away with this. They had to do something. He squeezed her hand, which he had taken while she spoke, a little bit tighter.

“It won’t be like that,” Lewis promised fierce. His eyes raw with emotion. 

“You don’t know that.” Emma reminded him, simply. Withdrawing her hands. Skin to skin contact still felt like she had reached into a blazing fire. It would take a lot of time to change that, Emma was sure, but for now, she could bare a few minutes of holding hands with Lewis.

Emma was aware of the fact, that Lewis thought it was comforting to her, but she did it not for her reassurance. The young Austrian girl understood how hard it must have been for her friends to help her, to look at her in her current state. She was just thankful, that they weren’t pushing her away. That they were true to her.

“We won’t let them. I will take your side … and Seb will. Kimi as well. The teams, your parents, other drivers and the people of the medical station. They’ve all seen the bruises. And for the media … fuck them. The fans will believe you as well.”

As soon as Lewis said the word media, Emma was as if struck by lightning. Erin. The woman already went through all of this, maybe she could help. Together their case would be more extensive and two women who were completely independent of each other were more likely to be believed than one alone.

“Lewis, I need to find someone. And I may need your help with that.” And that was the thing about her, Emma Lauda kept on surviving. With bullet holes in her lungs, and knife marks etched in her back. She never let anything get in her way, resilient. A fighter, not by choice but a warrior at heart.


	28. Nothing wrong just a battered wife

# Chapter 28: Nothing wrong just a battered wife

Emma remembered that Jenson Button had spoken the name during an interview, so the two of them came to the conclusion that she must have been a colleague of Jens. It wasn't long before Lewis decided to call in a favour from the other man and to learn the woman's number.

At first, Jenson wasn’t really willing to give the other Brit some information, acting somehow protective, but as he asked if this was about Emma and Lewis had problems to deny it, Jenson agreed to arrange a meeting between the Austrian and the Scottish woman.

Which told Emma that the media people had seen the damage of her skin just like all these fans. Well, you could definitely say that Emma Lauda wasn’t excited about her next press conference. Nasty comments and mean question, which was only meant to break her silence.

Jenson had insisted on being there, however, Emma had no problem with that. She would take Lewis along as a form of protection and assurance. The young Austrian understood when the other woman wanted someone she trusted on her side as well.

* * *

Sleep didn’t come that night. Lying awake at night and thinking about revenge was something new to Emma, but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t come up with some pretty nasty stuff if she wanted to. Emma came to the conclusion that she couldn’t fuck with Fernando the same way he fucked with her. The young Austrian wasn’t strong enough to physically pick a fight with Fernando. But the hell if she couldn’t fuck with Fernando other ways.

She wasn’t going to be his cute little teammate, too afraid of him to even open up her mouth. Emma had other qualities, her brain, and her abilities in a race car. Her talent would be her greatest strength. She would make him pay with every time she out-qualified him, with every point she was his superior and with every win she was able to take home for the team and he wasn’t.

Maybe his body held more raw strength, but Emma would find other ways. She was clever and her brain would be Fernando’s downfall. He messed with the wrong woman.

Emma was afraid to close her eyes for longer than a few minutes, the only thing that kept her sane during that night, her first night in freedom, was Lewis softly snoring next to her. Fernando never snored. It felt familiar and strange at the same time, but in the end, Emma decided to concentrate on Lewis breathing. It was in a nice rhythm which finally lulled her to sleep.

* * *

“You look like hell girl.” Was the first thing which was spoken as soon as Lewis and Emma entered the conference room. Jenson had made sure that they would be all alone and nobody would barge in, not even unintentional.

It was true, Emma had just the things she had taken along on her trip to Spain with her and none of her concealer or makeup was strong enough to cover her black and deep purple bruises, so she decided she wouldn’t. Emma wanted Fernando to fear her, the things she could relive towards the press, towards the team.

Most of the women were mortified of their bruises of abuse and rape but Emma wore them like an armour. She wasn’t ashamed of them, they made her feel safe to a certain point. Fernando wouldn’t dare to touch her, covered in bruises that he was responsible for.

“My time is precious. Were you expecting something else when I reach out to you?” Emma questioned defensibly and Erin was glad to detect some sass in her voice. The girl wasn’t broken like she herself was back then. Fernando has tried to break Emma’s wings as he did it with Erin, but he hadn’t won, not over her.

“You’ve quite a mouth little one. He doesn’t like that.” Erin said, which made both of the men in the room uncomfortable. Lewis had expected something else from this meeting. Maybe it was too much of a cliché, but Lewis expected the two women to fall into each other's arms, sink to the ground and cry together.

Or at least something alone that, but Erin was nothing like Lewis had expected her to be. She was a strong-looking independent woman. It looked more like Jenson was here so he wouldn't worry himself to death and not to support the woman.

“No, he doesn’t,” Emma confirmed what made Lewis look helpless towards Jenson. He knew they were here so Erin could help Emma, but he also needed advice and he hoped Jenson would be the one willing to give it.

The woman nodded shortly before she reached out for Emma to take it. “Sit with me.” She ordered Emma, who glanced shortly at Lewis, but the Brit seemed to approve, so she followed Erin into one of the corners of the room, so they could talk alone.

Emma bit her lip restless, but she needed to do the one thing she had promised herself over and over again. “I wanted to apologise. I should have believed you. I thought that if I acted like it didn’t matter, then it wouldn’t.”

Erin nodded before she took Emma’s hand in her own. “It’s alright. I'm sure you've already blamed yourself enough for not listening.”

Erin blamed herself for what happened to Emma. If she had sued Fernando, she could have saved the younger girl from this monster. But it didn't help to think about the mistakes of the past now.

“I don’t know why I’m here. I just … I needed to see you. See that it’s possible to get over it.” Emma told her, which caused Erin to squeeze her hand tighter.

“You’re nothing like I was back then when it happened. I was so terrified, had nightmares and even a few mental breakdowns. I ended in a mental health clinic, because of what that monster did to me. I wanted so much to be okay again but after I got over the pain, there was so much hate felt. Hate and revenge I wanted for so so long.” Erin tried to explain as good as she could.

Fernando Alonso was like a disease. Once you've had him, you can't get rid of him. Erin had thought long and hard about taking legal action against the Spaniard, but she had no evidence and he would have crushed her career like an ant under his shoe.

“You don’t feel that.” Erin started as she saw the look in Emma’s eyes. The kid wasn’t angry, not like Erin was. It was something else, but Erin couldn’t understand.

Emma had a way out. The kid had medical evidence, a powerful family and even more powerful friends. They would all stand by her side. Her reputation would be damaged as would her career, but she would be able to get rid of Fernando once and for all.

Emma had the power to set them free. Both of them and all the women they didn’t even know about.

“I don’t know how to feel. Like I know I should be mad and angry and swear I would burn his life to the ground but somehow … I don’t feel that way. I feel alright. Tired but alright. Like what happened was okay, and I know that it wasn’t but, I kinda feel like I always knew that something like that would happen to me. Like I deserved it right from the beginning. Like there was never another way. A scarify in order to become what I need to be.”

“That’s fucked up,” Erin said without thinking about it, but it was. It was fucked up.

“I know.” The young girl whispered, giving Erin her hope back, that they could get rid of Fernando together. Alone she was helpless but with an alley like Emma Lauda, everything was possible.

“Emma you need to allow yourself to feel the pain,” Erin told her. But Emma couldn’t feel it. Pain was a temporary emotion. It would go away.

“It won’t heal me.” She told Erin, not so sure anymore if the woman could help her.

“You want to know what healed me?” Erin questioned. It was the only thing she could offer Emma in exchange for her help against Fernando. Her pain and her story. She hoped it was enough for the younger woman to realise that they needed to do something, anything.

“Yeah.” Erin wasn’t sure if she could trust the girl. Emma had this ‘nothing to lose’ attitude, which scared people.

She is not only passionate, but she’s willing to speak up but only under her terms and conditions. That’s because of the world she had grown up in. She grew up with all these dystopian novels. Demigods, Wolfs, Rebels against the system. The girl wouldn’t help Erin until she was truly convinced.

“Love,” Erin said and deeply hoped that the young girl would take it. “I found the love of my life and he took away all this anger and the pain. I don’t want revenge any longer. All I want is justice. And I think we can bring it to each other.” She tried, which caused Emma to nod before she stood up and left with Lewis Hamilton.

* * *

Emma knew that she needed to have an excellent start to even come close to the podium this time. Qualifying has been not that bad for the young Austrian, but she wasn’t in quite the right set of mind to race in the present day. Drifting away felt like the best option, especially during the driver’s parade.

She was just glad, that she had Andrew and Kiwi at her side, so there was no reason for her to stay at Red Bull like Kimi original had intentioned for her to do. Emma was somewhat glad, that she hadn’t had to show up there, telling all the people she would work with next year, that someone from her team abused and raped her, which is why she would be staying at Red Bull now. That wouldn’t have been the best first impression on her mechanics and engineers. 

“Say it and I will push him from the truck.“ Lewis whispered into Emma’s ear on their way to the driver’s parade, which actually amused her. Emma was one of the last to appear alongside Lewis.

It seemed like not everyone knew about her current state, which is why quite a few drivers were shocked by to otherwise so beautiful Austrian’s appearance. It was the surprising noise which left Charles lips, causing the other drivers to turn around as well.

Daniel, who was positioned in between Max and Hulk was the first one to find his voice again. “Jesus, what happened? You look like a battered wife.” His mouth worked faster than his brain could ever react, which is why he now looked somehow fearful.

All the other men were dead quiet. No one of them dared to say anything. Waiting for Emma to do or say anything. Kimi almost expected her to start crying, while Sebastian was about to get involved, but Emma wouldn’t be Emma would she react like most of the people right now. She was used to hide things from people. 

“Well, sensitive way to voice that.” Emma started before she smiled sassily. “At least you didn’t say I look like shit. I really would have been offended by that.” The Aussie didn’t quite know how to react, but as the first guy started to laugh before the others joined in, Daniel relaxed a little bit. 

“The sass isn’t gone.” He remarked, causing Emma to shrug, as good as she could with all the bruises covering her body and making her skin ache while healing slowly.

“I hate to break it to you, but I’m still myself.” Emma started to speak, before she turned around, facing Fernando deliberately with an arrogant look in her eyes. “No man has the power to change that.” The youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan added, causing a few drivers to turn around in order to face Fernando, making the Spaniard uncomfortable in the process.

 _“Good.”_ Emma toughed before she walked over to join Sebastian. The German hugged her softly, whispering reassuring things in her ear, before promising her, that they wouldn’t let ‘him’ near her ever again and Emma believed him.

Shaking her head softly, Emma tried to focus back on her main task of driving the formation lap. It would play out just fine, she just had to stay concentrated. As soon as the lights went out, everyone was speeding up, while trying to get on the front of the line. Emma was just stuck between Ricciardo and Bottas when a crash occurred to her left, leaving a gap for the young Austrian, who immediately took advantage of it. She drove past Bottas on the inside and hung herself behind Hamilton before the safety car phase was declared. 

Matteo told her, that the two Toro Rosso took each other out on the first lap and that nobody was hurt. That was at least good news. Emma was glad, that both Pierre and Brendon were all right. Nobody ever deserved to get injured, not even Fernando.


	29. Boosted confidence

# Chapter 29: Boosted confidence

The cars thundered past the start-finish straight outside and Niki cautiously watched the screens before him. Out of habit, he moved his hearing protection tighter to his ears and then checked the television feed.

Two teams seemed to be preparing to pit, which was madness so late in the race. Examining the timesheet, it did seem that if Magnussen had a good stop, he might still be in the points. Still, he wouldn’t be high enough to challenge the top six, nor indeed the top three.

Emma was running in third with a very, very slim chance of getting overtaken by Verstappen. The boy was a good racer, but the time gap was simply to big for him to fight back now. Niki was astonished, his daughter somehow managed to get in front of both Red Bulls and Kimi’s Ferrari.

Fernando not even in the points. There were rumours that Emma simply got a better car, being James daughter, but Niki knew that that wasn’t true. The car was not the best, but she made up for this disadvantage with her talent and tyre management. The father was sure his daughter was well-suited for Red Bull.

Something poking at his shoulder made Niki look over. He startled, James’ smiling face much closer than expected. There was a cigarette hanging from his lip and he looked quite at his ease, but the way his long, blond hair was swept back betrayed his actual feelings. James ran his hands through his hair obsessively when he was nervous about the outcome of a race.

“What do you want?” Niki asked gruffly, taking off the hearing protection and being careful to keep his cap in place.

“The race is done, I want to go down to the podium,” James told his husband.

“They’re not done yet.”

“Oh come on,” James said, waving his hand at the screens. “Three laps to go and your Mercedes out in front? They’re done, come on, let’s go.”

Niki looked around, noting that a fair few of the McLaren engineers were pretending very much like they hadn’t heard the exchange. There wasn’t much use arguing with James when he was in that kind of mood, and he was technically right – not that Niki would tell him that. The races where Niki spent his time in the McLaren garage along with his family rather than as the adviser of the enemy were nice, in a way, because it meant spending more time together with their daughter. It was also a huge hassle, dealing with James and Emma and their constant need for adult supervision.

Putting the hearing protection down on the desk, he followed James out the back of the garage. A few of the staff still shot Niki sideways glances, not sure about how to feel with an enemy in their midst, walking around freely. Him being Emma’s dad counted for something, but they still treated him a bit more warily than they did James.

Emma pushed herself into her parent’s arms before the team took over and it all ended in a massive group hug. Niki noticed that his daughter’s team was careful not to touch her bruised body too much. Their pads on her shoulders and helmet were lighter and the hugs not as tight as they normally would be.

It was good seeing Emma on the podium again after the horror week she had. It was a big fuck you to the world that she was standing up there today. Niki smiled as Emma was given her trophy, especially because she miscalculated how heavy it would be and nearly dropped it.

She was so busy laughing at herself that she missed the moment when they started spraying champagne and was clearly outmatched by the three Mercedes men. Emma didn’t seem fazed by it, or the champagne shower, as Lewis and Valtteri both emptied their bottles over the young Austrian’s head. Emma smiled up at Lewis, as the Brit took her hand so she wouldn’t fall on the slippery ground. Her race suite was trenched and the rest of the champagne which wasn’t sticking in her hair was dripping down her body. She looked like she just came out of a pool.

* * *

The podium was a confidence boost. Emma felt good, ready to pick up a fight with the world if she must. Which ended in a rather funny press conference. All sassy, cocky and sarcastic. The young Austrian was roasting other people like there was no tomorrow, so nobody asked even one question about her battered state or how all these bruises have happened in the first place. Emma was glad they didn’t talk about her achievements down any longer.

As confident as she felt Emma told Lewis, that she wouldn’t need a bodyguard for tonight. At first, the Brit didn’t want her to go alone anywhere near a place Fernando could be, but as she had promised Lewis, that she would just get her backpack and ask Seb if she could sleepover at his, Lewis reluctantly agreed. As boosted as Emma felt, she quickly pressed a kiss against Lewis's cheek before walking away from the media pen and down the paddock.

The young Austrian had no intention to go and see Sebastian. She needed some time alone, without someone constantly looking at her with pity. Lewis, Kimi and Seb were hiding it very well, but Emma saw it nevertheless and it hurt. So, she decided, that she would go and take a very long shower after they got the photo with her side of the garage.

It was James who took the trophy home with him, while Emma somehow lost track of time during her shower. It was already late and most of the paddock was deserted, now and then there were a few people around but not enough to make Emma feel safe. Andrew was already on his way to the airport as were Emma's parents and Kiwi. Sometimes Emma wondered why she even had Kiwi.

Clenching her backpack to her chest, Emma tried to find the keys to her McLaren until she realised that Lewis gave her a ride to the track this morning. Cursing quietly, the youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan decided to turn around in the hope, that someone was still at the McLaren garage, who could give her a ride back to the hotel. So, she pushed her phone into the pocket of her jeans, before she slung the backpack onto her back this time and started to walk back towards the garage. 

At first, she just felt a little bit uneasy, but as she realised it was getting dark Emma cursed herself for telling Lewis she wouldn’t need him by her side. The young McLaren driver felt a dreadful feeling crawl up from the pit of her stomach towards her acing brain. Her blood froze in her veins, her muscles trembled with fear. Maybe she was a stupid kid after all. Maybe she had learned nothing in her eighteen years of existence. Or someone up there really hated her. Emma didn’t know, but she felt like there was no point in asking anyway.

She stood frozen in the empty paddock, as Fernando walked up to her like he's the hunter and Emma's the prey, a wicked look in his eyes. Tricking Lewis in leaving her along was foolish. They were just looking out for her, even though she felt like a bird in a golden cage, she was safe there.

“I haven’t expected to see you here. With all the effort you put in to avoid me all weekend. At least you’re on time for our flight back to Spain.” Fernando started and Emma preyed to every god humankind believed in for someone to help her.

“I won’t come with you, Fernando. You hurt me, intentionally. I won’t ever come with you.” Emma tried her best to sound strong, independent, and comfortable in her one skin, but Fernando saw right through her act. Deep down she was a scared little girl and Fernando saw her. He backed her up into the wall, so she had nowhere to go.

“Don’t kid yourself, darling. You’ll always belong to me.” Fernando was about to touch Emma’s cheek, so the young Austrian closed her eyes accepting her fate. She hated how weak she was and how easy it was for him to get her back under his control. All it took were a few intimidation words and some closure.

She did not want to disappoint her parents again. Emma wasn't sure if Niki would survive if she disappeared again. At least Sebastian and Lewis knew who would have kidnapped her if it would really come down to that when Emma couldn't defend herself. The best solution would be to scream for help as loud as she could. There had to be somebody somewhere.

Emma feared the touch, but it never came, so she opened her eyes, as she heard an uncomfortable sound from the Spaniard. Max was standing in front of her, Fernando’s wrist in his iron grip. The Dutchman didn’t seem pleased at all and Emma would have been afraid, would it have directed towards her, but Max never looked at her this way.

She leaned against the wall while the two-man were staring at each other, Emma somehow enjoined Fernando’s helpless expression, being faced with all the furry Max Verstappen could manage. And in this moment Emma realised that Fernando feared Max. His eyes were filled with dread like hers were constantly the last few days.

“Don’t get involved Verstappen. That’s something between her and me.” The Spaniard hissed, but Max wasn’t even fazed by the older man. To be honest, it was Fernando who feared the unpredictable Dutchman and the power he held over him at the moment. With everything Max most likely knew. The Red Bull driver didn’t even realize how much damage he could do to his carrier right now, so Fernando decided to let it go. They couldn’t guard Emma 24/7. He would have his chance to make sure she shuts up about what happened later on.

“If I ever see you anywhere near her, you will have to deal with me, Alonso.” The Dutch shot back while making sure Emma was hidden away from the Spaniard. In between Max and the wall, where she was safe for now.

Fernando laughed after freeing his hand. Max let him, but he was eyeing him carefully. Max was no fool, he knew that he should never turn his back on someone like Fernando, so he waited until the Spaniard was gone to turn around, facing Emma.

“Has he hurt you?” Max wanted to know, as he put his hand on her shoulder, but somehow Emma felt safe. Her skin wasn’t blazing under Max’s touch, no it somehow felt pleasantly warm. He was the only one she really felt okay when he touched her. He and her parents. Emma shook her head slowly, which caused the Dutchman to smile sadly.

He was amazed by the act she managed to put on during the driver’s parade and on the podium, even in the press conference, even though Max though that it was sincerely and real on the podium, all the adrenaline must have given her a confidence boost. He knew that. How often had his father hurt him but at the podium he no longer felt pain or fear. But Max also knew how bad it was when the adrenaline left his body. Emma would have to face that now.

“I thought you’ve dumped me.” He told her, which caused Emma to look at him confused.

“Have you already forgotten? Our dinner date.” To be true she had forgotten about that. It wasn’t really the thing she was holding onto the past few days. Emma knew what Max was doing, but she was grateful for that. He talked with her like everything was perfectly fine, not like she was fragile, afraid he would bruise her, when he made a joke, like Lewis toughed. 

“Believe me, I would rather have had that dinner date with you," Emma told Max, which caused him to smile down at her before he offered her his hand and took a few steps back. The young Austrian still leaned against the wall, as she took Max hand and pushed her away from the dusty surface.

Max lead her down the paddock and away from the garage, but she was sure, he would bring her to her hotel room personally if she asked him to. Her hand was still in his, far too comfortable to let go of the Dutchman but Max didn’t seem bothered by it, so Emma didn’t say anything.

“I can imagine. Why are you even alone? Lewis promised me there would always be someone with you." The Dutch said, causing Emma to look up to him.

"You spoke to Lewis?" The youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan asked.

"Yeah, he called me yesterday. We kind of teamed up to find you.” Max told her with a shrug of his shoulders, which caused Emma to stop dead in her track, causing Max to stop as well.

“Can I come with you, to the hotel, I mean. Lewis gave me a ride this morning.” Explained the younger German-speaking driver.

“Sure.” He promised her, restarting walking. He led both of them towards his Aston Martin, opening the door to the passenger seat for Emma.


	30. Regret is an ugly bitch

# Chapter 30: Regret is an ugly bitch

“You’re okay?” Pierre asked as he got a hold of Charles's arm before the Monegasque could storm away after the race. Charles seemed somewhat angry and Pierre didn’t want his friend to drive back to the hotel like this.

“I should ask you that. You had a DNF.” The Sauber driver shot back, freeing his arm in the process. Both of them knew that Charles didn’t say that in order to check if Pierre was alright, but more as a self-defending gesture.

Charles was about to storm off and leave the Toro Rosso driver alone when he changed his mind. Charles needed to know the truth, so he turned back to his friend.

"Did you know?" Monegasque demanded to know which made Pierre raise his eyebrows. Pierre did not understand why Charles accused him of knowing such a thing, without telling the Monegasque.

"Of course not.” The Torro Rosso driver defended himself immediately. Upset by the insinuation, he added: “Do you think I'd have been fooling around with you all weekend if I'd known someone hurt Emma? I still consider her my friend even though you managed to piss her off so much, she doesn't speak with us any longer."

Emma was like Charles one of his oldest friends and maybe Pierre made a mistake by choosing Charles side.Their little fight was ridiculous especially because Emma didn’t know why Charles wasn’t talking with her at the moment. It was hard work until Pierre got Charles to talk to Emma and then Max answered her phone and not the Austrian. Destroying all his hard work. Now the Monegasque even refused to say hi when he saw her. Angry at her and Max.

"I bet it was Verstappen," Charles grumbled. Causing Pierre to look up at him. At first, he thought he misheard. Stopping dead in his tracks.

“Now you’re getting ahead of yourself, Charles. Even if you don’t want to believe it, Max is a good guy and he would never …” Pierre started to speak, but the Sauber driver interrupted him unkindly.

“You don’t know that.” Charles fired his way, not looking very open about the topic, but even his patience ran out at some point.

“And you’re behaving like a spoilt brat. I don't know what's wrong with you all of a sudden. You've been acting like a jerk for weeks now.”

Charles didn’t say anything, just stormed off, without looking back. Still, the Frenchman was right.

* * *

Lewis sat upwards in his bed, one of his legs on the floor while checking his phone for a message from Emma again. But there was nothing. He simply couldn’t fall asleep if he didn’t have the young Austrian lying safely in bed beside him. He felt like he had let her down, although it was Emma's wish after all and Sebastian would certainly take good care of her.

The Brit worried himself into quite a state, waking his companion unintentionally. The German switched on the bedside lamp on, illuminating the room in soft and warm light.

Nico smirked at Lewis, as he reached out and took the phone from the Brit before depositing it on his bedside table with no care. The German crawled up to his British lover, before resting his head on Lewis thin. “I thought you'd be glad I could be here now after all."

“That’s not it,” Lewis said, deeply in thoughts, while he started running his fingers through Nico's soft blonde hair. It was longer than before, but it only made him more beautiful.

“Then tell me,” Nico told him after he looked up to see the concern in Lewis's eyes.

The Englishman laughed briefly. Nico thought he would trust him again, but Lewis had been betrayed so often that he only made a snappy comment.

“Which you? Nico, the ex-driver or Nico Rosberg, the guy from the media.” Lewis knew that this was not the way to go if he ever wanted to make things right between him and Nico, but Lewis also knew that Nico would never leave his children. His wife, yes for Lewis, but never his two daughters.

“So, it’s about Emma.” It didn’t take a genius to come to this conclusion.

Nico knew the young Austrian pretty good. He had made friends with Niki's little daughter very quickly back then. At first, she always hid behind her daddy until Nico once asked her in German if they wanted to look at his car together, which made the little rain cloud smile. From then on she never left Nico's side when she was allowed to come along on a race weekend. Emma showed him her trophies from karting and even traded one of them for one of Nico's. The young German didn't mind, he liked the young Austrian and the distraction from his stressful life that she brought with her.

More often than not, Niki found his daughter after a long and exhausting day at work with Nico. The young Austrian often sat on his lap and let Nico explain to her what the numbers on the datasheets meant when she wasn’t busy trading her dessert for more race stories, which worked more often than not.

It was also him who had introduced her to Lewis. It didn't take Emma long to accept him as one of her friends as well. From that moment on, Emma tried to speak only English in the paddock, which was not too difficult for the little half-Austrian, half-English girl. She regularly made Sebastian look bad with her perfect English at such a young age, and often also Nico.

Nico wondered if Emma didn’t consider him a friend any longer after him leaving Mercedes. Probably their friendship was over much earlier. Emma was only sixteen when Nico won his world championship, and before that, she did witness the whole drama between Lewis and himself. Emma was probably the only person who knew more than the side of the story that the press published. She knew how much both of the Mercedes driver's suffered during those days. Sometimes he wondered if it would have saved the relationship between Lewis and him if Emma hadn't chosen Lewis' side, but had called out both of them to their bullshit.

"What you tell me in bed is only between you and me, Lewis. We've been through this." Nico gently reminded him, but he could understand the hesitation. They’ve been through so much.

Emma Lauda was one of the few things which were important to Lewis. His family, the dogs and Emma. Sometimes he wondered on which position Nico himself had his little spot if he even still had a spot there. Emma was something like the child Lewis would never have.

“I know,” Lewis whispered back, as Nico decided to climb into his lap, kissing wet trails along his skin from his lower abdomen over his chest and the tattoos towards his collarbone.

Nico was busy making sure the love bite was visible on Lewis darker skin until realisation dawned on him. “You know who hurt her.” He started, looking up into Lewis warm brown eyes.

“Of course I do,” Lewis replied, but Nico didn’t push him to tell him, he knew it would have been the wrong way to approach things.

“Just promise me, you guys will keep her safe now.” Nico pleaded, causing Lewis to look down and into his honest blue eyes. Lewis wanted to tell Nico who it was. He wanted to scream it out until the last person on earth knew what Fernando Alonso was cable of, but he couldn’t.

“I promise.” He whispered against Nico’s lips, before drawing him into a sweet and true kiss. His finger lingered a little longer on Nico’s soft cheek. He really wanted to ask Nico to choose him, to leave his wife for him, but Lewis knew that would never happen, he had to be grateful for the little time they had together.

* * *

Emma was thankful that Max had been there with her. He had taken her to the hotel with him and asked her to say for their missed dinner date if she wanted to and Emma agreed. She felt so much safer with Max at her side. She didn’t know why maybe because Fernando was afraid of the Dutch but not of her other friends or simply because they had managed to establish a basic trust before all this happened. Emma didn’t quit now, but she didn’t want to think about it too much either. Max felt safe, Max felt like home and that was all she needed to know for now.

They were laying in Max’s bed watching some drama on Netflix, which Emma could barely keep her eyes open, especially with the body heat Max was providing her with and the soft sheets below her. The last few days were extremely exhausting for the young Austrian. Max smiled down at her, cuddled up in between him and a bunch of pillows.

“Maybe it’s time for bed?” The Dutchman suggested as he switched on the light, causing the Austrian to flinch, before hiding her head beneath one of the pillows.

“Can’t I stay here tonight,” Emma questioned as she fought herself beneath the sheets and into something which looked like a burrito.

“You can’t just go to sleep like that, Em. You need to brush your teeth and charge your phone at least. Chancing into something comfy wouldn’t be the worst idea either.” Emma closed her stormy blue eyes, looking resigned and damnit, all Max wanted was to make Emma comfortable.

“How about I get ready here and we sleep in yours?” Emma looked up at him, thinking about it before she nodded. She definitely wanted Max to stay with her and if they would have to sleep in her room it wasn’t the biggest of problems either. Andrew had told her that Lewis PR-Agent had brought her things into her room shortly after breakfast and given her the key. So that wouldn’t be much of a fuss either.

“Hurry, then. I’m tired, Max.” Making his way to his open suitcase to select a shirt to sleep in, before he vanished into the bathroom.

"Always so demanding." 

He usually spent the two minutes looking in the mirror, thinking about race-related things or simple things like a grocery shopping list. But when he met his reflection tonight all he could think about is his slight blush on his cheeks from the heat in the room and the fact that he was going to follow Emma to bed just because she asked.

When he returned Emma is practically passed out on the mattress, starfished fully with Max’s unplugged phone charger loosely clasped in her hand. Thoughtful, even when beyond exhausted. Max tried and failed not to feel touched.

Carefully not to scare her, he walked up to the bed and sat down next to Emma. Tenderly brushing her hair away from her porcelain face, while talking quietly to her. It didn’t take him long to wake the young Austrian, which demanded, half asleep, form Max to carry her back to her room, which he did after letting out a breath. 

As soon as they arrived the young Austrian shuffled over to the bathroom in order to change her clothing and to brush her teeth. In the meantime, Max made himself comfortable on the bed, waiting for Emma. He couldn’t shake the feeling, that what they did was strange. To be true he original thought they would end up in bed again after their dinner dater, but then Fernando happened and now things are even more complicated. Max knew he deeply cared for the young Austrian and wanted her safe, but he didn’t know what this was.

He saw how she avoided any touch from others, but with him it was different. Emma seemed to seek contact, seemed to feel more comfortable when he let his hand rest on her shoulder or on her hip like before when they were watching the movie.

He was conflicted. Max wanted to talk about what had happened between them. Which would simply have been insensitive to address now. They had slept together again and then stopped to talk at all, which was troubling. He didn’t want her to see him as her brother, but she needed a friend right now, maybe he was overthinking things. Most likely. All that mattered right now was Emma’s mental health. 

“Ready for bed?” He asked as Emma came back from the bathroom. Only wearing a baggy shirt and some panties. God, the girl was a walking thirst trap. Emma nodded before she climbed into bed next to Max, somehow unsure, which amused Max. He lifted his arm and smiled at her, causing Emma to take the invitation to snuggle up against Max’s board chest. Her hand resting right over his heart while Emma had buried the other one in Max’s hair at the nape of his neck. Scratching his neck from time to time, which felt fantastic. Max had just put one arm around her, resting it on her shoulder, where he drew various shapes, his other hand beneath his head.

The Dutch was starring at the ceiling, it was clear to him that Emma wasn’t asleep yet, his fingers still scratched her skull every once in a while in a comforting way. Max could feel how heavy Emma’s heart was. “You know. …” He started speaking, breaking the silence of the night.

“When you say it, you will feel better. You don’t have to explain anything to me, and I can just shut up and listen without saying anything if you want that, but don’t let it drown you.” Max knew what he was talking about. It was his go-to-method to say everything into the darkness at night when he couldn’t find sleep. He felt lighter afterwards.

Emma thought about that for at least a few minutes. Max already thought her asleep until she decided that she would just do it. It was pitch dark in the room, so she wouldn’t see Max’s disappointed look, when she told him, that she would be never enough. For nothing.

“I feel weird.” Emma told him, not sure if she could go into detail but then something from deep down told her ‘screw it’. Max understood her and he could handle what she was about to tell him, she was sure of that.

“Like I’m not even enough to be depressed or end it. I’m sad, but not sad enough. I feel like I’m seeking attention with all this and nothing more. It’s like anxiety but not a full-blown panic attack. I feel like I won’t be able to get out of bed for three days but, hey, what’s three days? I never actually writing that last note just imagine the lines. Like it’s more of a river and not like an ocean.”

“But as far as I’m concerned you can drown in either one.” That sounded about right. Everything Max said sounded about right.

“You’re good at this,” Emma told him softly, which caused Max to smile. “Maybe.” He replied.

"Next time I'm charging." He told her, which caused Emma to roll her eyes, before she softly muttered 'idiot' under her breath.

"But for real, I could make some good money, while listening to your complains."

"Shut up, before I kick you out of my bed, Verstappen."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you guys think? Any things you would especially like to read? Just let me know. I'm currently working on Chapter 38 So there's still Lots to come.  
> Have a nice day! ❤️😉


	31. Let’s heal

# Chapter 31: Let’s heal

Emma felt like she had stumbled into a stranger's life. Her family's apartment in Monaco felt alien to her, but the young Austrian tried to make the best of it, after all it was her wish to be alone. Her parents agreed to give Emma the time she needed and promised they would wait for her to take the first step toward them under the condition she was seeing her therapist at least twice a week. She saw no other way but to agree. It was a fair and honest request.

Emma was grateful for that. For the trust, her parents held for her, even though Emma understood that it would have been better to allow them close. To let them take care of her, but she also knew she would be able to stomach that.

Emma was sick of people worrying about and because of her. She couldn’t bear the glances, especially from Niki or Sebastian. They only tried to make it better, desperate to help her, but it only made everything worse. So being alone was the only option she had and truth to be told, Emma truly felt like it was the right decision until the first night came.

Despite the expensive locking system and all the security stuff, Emma no longer felt safe. Every shadow spooked her. Around every corner, she expected to find Fernando, even though she knew it was completely irrational. Emma understood that she had to fight it or accept the way things were now. So, Emma decided to fight. She wasn’t a weak little girl, she was a survivor.

The first night, she tried to get some rest with the lights on and the TV playing quietly in the background, her room door locked, but she could barely stand it hidden under her blanket and all the cushions.

Emma was frustrated with her own irrational fear. Fernando had no way to get to her now, but her brain still told her that she was in great danger. Shaking her head, Emma tried to concentrate on the real world. Nobody was here to hurt her. Fernando was gone. She had to make her brain acknowledge that.

She even had a meat hammer hidden under her pillow because knives creeped her out. She tried to distract herself. Her thoughts trailing off towards Max. Remembering how safe she felt in his arms. How secure.

Finally, at three o'clock she lost the battle against her brain, screaming at her to get help. Emma admitted she couldn't take it any longer, waiting until three o clock was a mistake, so she called the only person she knew was in Monaco at the moment and who has earned her trust.

Her brain still tried all godly possible to stop her from asking the Dutch for his help, his presence but the young Austrian had decided that she would do it. No matter what would happen now. Maybe it will end as it ended with Fernando or it will turn out alright, Emma simply wasn’t strong enough any longer to think about the outcome when waiting was slowly killing her.

Even after all Fernando did, there was something left of her, she needed this last bit of her soul to be able to breathe. Max might be her air.

Perhaps she took advantage of the kindness which he only showed her and his feelings and even though if she felt bad about asking for his help and demanding attention, it was a decision she had to make.

Pleading with Max to come over and stay the night. It was the most embarrassing thing she had ever done, but her heart told her it was the right decision.

Max arrived not that much later, in grey sweatpants and a black long sleeve shirt, which hugged his mussels tightly. He had brought his olive-green backpack, so he would have some clothes to change into in the morrow. Spending the night in her bed wasn't the worst favour he could imagine. Even though it was a mess.

As Max has first knocked on her door, the young Austrian was frozen. She stood in front of it, could clearly hear it, but her body wasn’t moving at all. Her hands were trembling terribly, as she finally reached out to unlock the door. Max had pushed the door open with an impatient expression, but as he saw the young Austrian, shaking like a leaf and as white as snow, he understood why it took the young McLaren driver so long to open the door for him.

“I’m sorry,” Max whispered waiting for her next step, but Emma couldn’t say anything, she simply threw herself in his arms and Max pulled her into a tight hug.

“I didn't mean to scare you.” The Dutch promised her, pressing a kiss on the top of her head.

Tiredly she gave in to her exhaustion. Her legs gave in, causing Max to swoop her up in his arms, carrying the young Austrian bridal style into her bedroom, while whispering reassuring things into her ear.

The backpack was long forgotten on the floor next to the coat check, the only thing he remembered before totally dedication his attention to the young girl in his arms, was kicking the door close and locking it, so Emma would feel a little bit safer.

“I’m here. You’re not alone.” Max promised her, which caused Emma only to cry harder.

It seemed like the Dutchman was her knight in shining armour. Always there if she needed to be taken care of. Somehow, she felt ashamed for how weak she was, depending on a man to pick her up again when her brain and her memories brought her to her knees. But with Max it didn’t feel like her personal failure but as if it was okay to ask for help.

She was glad that the Dutch lived so close. Half a year ago, she would have called Charles for help, but these times were over. The Monegasque had decided that he no longer wanted anything to do with her, and Emma had to accept that. Which didn’t mean it didn’t fucking hurt.

She thought Charles would be with her until the end. Maybe she was wrong all along. Her knowledge of human nature let her down increasingly often in recent times.

Max held her that night close to his chest, where she could hear his heartbeat loud and clear, whispering sweet nothings in her ear until she fell asleep in his arms.

This night and the next and the next. From this day on every day.

Eventually, they found a routine. In the beginning, Max went home to shower, get fresh clothes, and for team-related things like online team meetings or interviews and came back in the evening. Either Emma cooked something or Max brought food until the Dutch realised that there was really no point in going back home.

So, he got a tone load of clothes and his laptop and went back to Emma, staying there more or less permanently now. Neither Andrew nor Jack, Max trainer questioned it. They just accepted that the two youngsters were now glued together.

At first, Andrew was worried that Max was just another guy, who would hurt his protégé but Max was different. He was tender with her on one side but at the other side, he didn’t take her bullshit at all. Called her out on her shit without mercy and teased her, like nothing ever happened. It was good. She felt normal, but it also worried Andrew. The Dutchman’s gaze was far too tender, far too soft when he looked at the younger girl.

Emma had countless phone calls with Lewis and Sebastian as well. Both of them at least called once a day to make sure the young Austrian was well and all right. Sebastian always asked her what she had for breakfast, lunch or dinner which fucking annoyed her, but Emma knew that he was just looking out for her.

Lewis on the other hand provided her with his personal drama with Nico and paddock gossip. Which has served as a pretty good distraction. The silly season nearly had ended but still, there were quite some rumours and Lewis always knew everything. Most of the time part of the drama but never part of the gossip. Seb once joked it was because Lewis started all these rumours until today Emma isn’t sure it wasn’t the truth.

Sometimes along the weeks, she got a text from Kimi telling her that she should call when she was in trouble and that he would deal with Fernando. Emma didn’t even want to know what that meant but she gladly accepted the Finn’s help. Just hoping he wouldn’t go to jail for what he would do now.

* * *

Max was staring out of the window, giving Emma and the doctor the privacy, they needed, while keeping an eye on the man, nevertheless. Emma had mentioned that she had a doctor’s appointment, but Max wouldn’t let her go on her own, not after what had happened. The young Dutch had kept quiet the whole time, stubbornly staring out of the window, while the doctor talked with Emma.

He was still amazed that Emma didn’t see to care that the doctor was a man, but it also worried him a little bit. 

The doctor was tiddling her face a little bit back, to get a better look at her throat. “Perfect.” He muttered before he told the nurse to write something down before he brushed his thumb over Emma’s cheekbone. Stroking his finger over her nose, he smiled at Emma.

“Still one of my best works.” The doctor told her, which caused Max to snicker. He hadn’t known that Emma had a nose job. The young Austrian looked over to Max, a warning glance in her eyes before she took one of the gauze bandages which were resting on the doctor's side table and throw it at the Dutch, perfectly hitting his head from the side.

“Shut up.” She told the Dutch before she looked back at the doctor, who smiled a knowing smile, before talking her through some things she still had to mind in her daily life.


	32. The things people don’t say

# Chapter 32: The things people don’t say

“It wasn’t because I didn’t like my nose,” Emma told Max as they walked out of the practice and towards his Aston Martin. She had crossed her arms in front of her chest and waited for Max to unlock the car, not really looking comfortable to speak about her cosmetic surgery.

“This is none of my business, Emma,” Max said as he unlocked the car, putting his hand on the roof of the car while smirking at the young Austrian, which was standing across from him.

“I had an accident and I broke it. He just put it back together like it was before, no plastic embellishments. I never had an ugly nose. You even knew me before my surgery.” Emma gazed at him like she wanted Max to tell her that he totally understood and that he would never speak about it, but they both knew that he would never let her live it down ever again.

“Sure.” Max nodded, which caused Emma to nod as well, before opening the door to the passenger seat.

“Does the media know that your nose is fake?” He questioned, getting into the car with a grin on his face and she was tempted to just slam the door into his face and walk home rather than allowing him to drive both of them home, but the walk would have been undoubtedly too far and it looked like rain so she got in the car and listen to Max’s teasing until they reached home.

* * *

Japan was alright. Emma got decent points while spending most of the time either with Lewis and Sebastian or with Andrew. Max was nowhere near her. Somehow as soon as they were close to a racetrack, they didn’t speak about their little arrangement at home, at all. Just ignoring, that they shared a bed not even twelve hours ago. They barely spoke with each other, but she was okay with that. There were a lot of things to think about on a race weekend and her situation with Max wasn’t one of them.

Emma wasn’t sure if Max would come back home with her, but the Dutchman got into Emma’s McLaren at the airport without a word, letting her drive them home without complaining too much about her driving style and her habit of driving too fast. Just once telling her not to kill them.

It felt good in a weird way. Spending the days like a married couple. The day after they came back from Japan, Max decided that he would address their current situation over dinner. He really liked living with Emma, but he felt like an intruder in Niki Lauda and James Hunt’s home.

“I would like to go back to my apartment,” Max said, putting his fork down, which caused Emma to look up at him, before getting another fork full of vegetables into her mouth.

“You’re not my prisoner, you can leave whenever you want to.” She said, putting the fork down as well and drinking a sip of her water. Trying to push down the panic, that Max would leave her now. The Dutch watched her a little bit before he grinned at Emma.

“Well, good to know, but I thought you would like to come with me? My sim’s better than yours and Jack hates the detour he has to take to come here.” Max explained, shrugging before he picked his fork back up again.

“Oh, … yeah okay, I guess.” Emma nodded to herself, after taking another sip from her water.

“And Dan is sad when I’m not home.” The young Dutch added.

“Of course, he is,” Emma commented while rolling her eyes. She almost forgot that the Dutch and the Aussie were living in the same apartment complex.

* * *

It was remarkable. How one thing can make you doubt everything you ever knew. Letting you experience feeling you never had before. The feeling when you don’t even know what the fuck you’re feeling anymore.

Biting her lip, Emma forced herself to stare at her grandmother’s portrait. It was an engagement present from her grandfather, which is why it decorated the wall in the great hall. Emma always admired her for her strength. Her determination and her will to overcome every difficulty a man could ever cause her. She had to endure so much, also from her husband but never gave up. Emma vowed she would follow her grandmother’s lead. And she was doing so great, but suddenly she felt so weak, for letting Fernando do to her what he did. For letting doubts creep into her mind. Even though she was fighting against it, which was so much easier with Max at her side.

She had practically moved in with him before they left for the US. The race there was alright, but they would leave their home for Mexico soon, so she decided, she needed to finally face her parents after what had happened to her. Max had encouraged her, while Dorian thought it was too soon, but lately, she liked to follow the Dutchman’s advice rather than the professional of her therapist.

She sat on the terrace at home in Vienna. In a corner, wrapped in a warm blanket, while she watched the sparrows, which fluttered around happily despite the drizzle. The smallest of them seemed to have a bossy personality, which made Emma smile. The little bird sat on Emma's old swing that moved slightly in the wind while he watched his siblings fight over a worm. He was not really interested in fighting with his siblings for their prize, much more he was proud to have won the place he now held on the old swing.

Emma watched the sparrows some more before she decided that she now officially has lost her mind. Which other eighteen, soon to be a nineteen-year-old person was watching birds on a rainy day? She was watching some birds and thinking about life like a fucking granny.

"Du wirkst als könntest du etwas Gesellschaft gebrauchen.“ A voice suddenly said behind her. Startled, Emma turned around, just to look into her father’s eyes.

“Sieht so aus als wären die Wunden gut verheilt, was aber nichts über den Geist aussagt. Ich weiß wovon ich spreche.“ Emma nodded before she dropped her head back down. Niki smiled sympathetic at his daughter, before kissing the top of her head. He sat down next to her, pulling her against his side.

“Als Kind wünscht man sich nichts sehnlicher als Erwachsen zu sein, aber es ist gar nicht so toll wie man sich das vorstellt.“ She admitted what made Niki move his hand up and down her arm encouragingly. Niki was just about to start and give her some advice when James came through the terrace door and looked at the members of his family.

"Hey, what's going on?" He wanted to know which made Emma lay her head on Niki's shoulder, exhausted. He knew that there still was wrong with his daughter, but he also knew that she would never talk to him about it.

She decided years ago to entrust Niki with her feelings and emotions when she had her first heartache and it hasn't changed since then. He just wondered if she ever could talk about that to anybody. James was in charge of other things. Emma would come to him when she did something wrong. If she had too much to drink at a party, he was the one she called and asked to pick her up. Things that needed to be kept secret, between father and daughter that Niki was simply never supposed to know about.

James was also the one who explained to her with a, from embarrassment deep red head, how to use condoms and how to make sure to have proper protection. He was the one, who showed her what to do and encouraged her to try everything she wanted, while Niki was more concern about her mind and feelings. Putting her health and emotional wellbeing always first. Failing in a test at school was never a big deal for Niki, as long as she was happy and contented. There would always be a way to deal with other things later on.

James kneeled down in front of his daughter and took her smaller delicate hands in his much bigger once, kissing her knuckles gently. “You tell me when you change your mind and I need to kill someone, right?” This made her smile through her silent tears. Her parents were simply the best, but that didn’t mean she would ever tell them, what was really on her mind.

“Of course, daddy.” She told him while rolling her eyes. James never failed to make her smile even in the most miserable situations.

“I mean it. Nobody hurts my daughter. Say a name and the person is dead.” He said in an effusive way, as he stood up from the floor and sat down on Emma’s other side. Kissing her head as well, before laying his arms around her and Niki as good as possible. Emma wished it could be the truth one day.

“I just feel like a stupid kid sometimes.” She mumbled, which caused Niki to reach over for her chin, making her look at him.

“Look at me. You are capable of way more things than you think. All we ever did was in order to protect you and we will always be there to take every step with you.”

“I think it is time I take some steps on my own,” Emma admitted.

“You can do that…” James nodded, causing Emma to look over, as he continued. “… but you can also come home whenever you want Emma. You don’t have to grow up overnight. It’s alright to seek your parents out when you need them. You’re barely an adult. Nobody will ever stop you from coming home again when you feel like you need to.” 

“I know. I love you guys.” Emma told them before she cuddled closer to her parents. They were everything, which encouraged her to keep going. She wouldn’t let Fernando win. She still had some cards left to play. Nothing was over. It was just the beginning.


	33. Strawberries

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had great fun writing the little encounter with Kevin. I probably missed his personality completely, but it was just fun to write. Perhaps he will be given a slightly bigger role in the future. Well, let's see. For now, enjoy my brain vomit. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are always welcome!

# Chapter 33: Strawberries

Mexico seemed nice to Emma, a little too hot through. Especially because she was an Austrian and definitely better at handling the cold weather than 40 degrees without a pool near her to cool down.

You could say for sure that Emma suffered from having left her accustomed climate zone. Where she grew up, there were no such temperatures. The young Austrian had lived most of her life in the Austrian capital but spent her childhood summers milking cows in the Alps. She grew up with it, the closeness to animals was always important to her, although her father always tried to keep it from her. She was privileged and she should remember that.

The Lauda's are the richest family in Austria and actually have nothing at all to do with cows or the Alps. They lived in Vienna, the capital and were fascinated by fast cars or aeroplanes, everything that had wheels and drove fast or could fly, but Emma enjoyed the peace that existed just in the Alps. She always felt like she belonged there. Maybe it was something her mother would have felt before she went deep shit crazy.

After a few more minutes Emma had decided that she wasn’t a fan of Mexico. It was hot and … yeah that was enough for the young Austrian to not like Mexico. People told her that it was just like Australia, but she didn’t like that either. It was just too hot for a middle European.

Emma was watching the other drivers gather around slowly for the driver’s parade while busying herself with a bowl full of strawberries. At first, they tried to talk her out of it, but in the end, James spoke up and said, that the strawberries wouldn’t hurt anyone, but his daughter would when somebody tried to take away her food from her.

So, the young Austrian was standing in one of the corners, enjoying the berries and some quiet time on her own, watching the other drivers from a safe distance. Emma wasn’t very talkative with people she didn’t know inside out and neither was she one to mingle around with people she didn’t like, so the youngest on the gird decided to keep to herself today. Fernando was the social part of their team and Emma was okay with that. She was actually quite happy with not talking to the Spaniard and most of the other drivers were warry towards him as well.

What could she possibly have much to talk about with the others? They were mostly old men who had nothing but racing on their minds. The possibility to stay alone therefore seemed to be very attractive today. Especially because Lewis and Sebastian hadn’t arrived yet and Max was pulled away as soon as Dan and Nico had seen him, so Emma kept to herself like the lone wolf she was. Even she had to laugh about that thought. Emma knew that she was the puppy of the grid, no denying that. She just hoped that Lando would take this title from her next year.

Emma was about to eat one of the strawberries when she noticed Kevin approaching her. The Haas driver was known to prefer to keep to himself as well, not even enjoy the presence of his teammate when he could help it. Emma believed he couldn't be blamed for that. Romain was a very loud and talkative personality that didn't really match the Dane's.

The young Austrian looked briefly at the Dane before she held out her bowl of strawberries to him, not bothering to look over to him. Kevin looked at her confused, while the McLaren driver continued to check out the other drivers in the room.

"What is it?" He asked her annoyed, which caused Emma to smirk at him.

"Strawberries.” She answered simply, turning over to him, even though she knew that wasn’t Kevin’s question.

“Don't they have them in your weird country? Only smelly fish?" She added in a teasing tone, trying to test the waters with Kevin a little bit. Nico has told her, that he had quite a temper and was a little bit of an asshole, but to be true who wasn’t. They said that about both of her fathers quite a lot and Emma got along great with her parents. Maybe Kevin was a nice guy, just hard to get to know, so not many people made an effort. 

"Of course, we have strawberries too. I meant, what are you doing?" He was so confused, by the Austrian driver that he even let slip, that she just insulted his home. Was she playing mind games? And even if she were, why would she fuck with him? There were other candidates for such games.

The Haas driver couldn’t understand why she was offering something off her food. He would never do that, not even with Romain, or especially not with Romain. He didn’t quite know.

"Standing around, waiting and offering you a strawberry." Emma looked at Kevin with a questionable look. He even seemed uncomfortable with her being nice to him, nobody was nice to him, they all thought he was an asshole and Kevin was sure they told Emma that much as well, so he asked himself why the young Austrian tried to befriend him or whatever she was doing.

Emma could see how defensive the older one got, even though she just wanted to offer him something of her food. She would have been okay with him simply declining. For her it wasn’t a big deal. But deep-down Emma wondered, what exactly needs to happen to make a person that careful. It was one fucking strawberry and Emma was eating them as well. No poison, she would promise him that, if it would make him feel any better.

"Why? We're not friends." Kevin got even more defensive than before. He was suspicious of the Austrian's behaviour.

She was supposedly a friend of Fernando, her teammate and he in return spoke from time to time with Carlos, his fellow Spaniard in the paddock, who just happened to be the teammate of Nico Hülkenberg.

Coincidence? He didn't think so. Well, maybe Kevin was a little bit paranoid.

She was also friends with Verstappen, well maybe the term friend was a bit much but he occasionally saw them chatting and the Dutch was friends with Nico. The field of evidence became denser.

"For fuck's sake. No need to get … whatever this is. It was just an offer. I didn’t suggest a murder. You don't have to take one if you don't want to." The Austrian McLaren driver huffed, taking the bowl back and eating another strawberry herself, being watched by Kevin closely. Somehow, he couldn’t quite put the finger on her behaviour.

Emma was almost certain that Kevin would have felt more comfortable if she had simply suggested a murder. At least then he could have evaluated the young woman intentions.

“I didn't mean to upset you. I’m just not used to other drivers being nice to me.” The Haas driver whispered after quite a while, but Emma nodded. She didn’t take offence by his behaviour. Better safe than sorry. She understood only too well. Now at least.

“It’s alright. I understand. This is a shark tank. You have to be careful or you will be eaten.” The young Austrian told him. Stopping shortly, to look down at the strawberries, since when did she listen to Kiwi when she was talking to her? Emma had to stop immediately.

"But my offer still stands." The young girl added as she handed Kevin the bowl again. The Dane hesitated briefly, but then took one of the berries from the bowl and ate it slowly while he watched Emma observing the other drivers.

"Why aren't you with Fernando by the way? He sees you as his little protégé, doesn't he?" Kevin asked as he chewed slowly on his berry.

Fernando almost seemed like he took advantage of her youth and her will to live. Somehow like the bad bitch from Rapunzel. In Kevin’s opinion. The Dane even suspected that it was the Spaniard who had hurt Emma not many weeks ago.

“Are we already friends enough for you to ask me something like that?" She quizzed, while smirking, which brought Kevin back into defence.

“I don't need friends." He told her strongly, and she wanted to agree but the Austrian knew better than that. When Emma had learned one thing in her rather short life, than that it was easier to get through the day when you know quite a lot of people, who would always do you a favour.

Although she also had to realize that the wrong friends could damage your reputation tremendously and therefore your life and future, which is why she had rather few to no friends at all at the moment. Trusted friends were rare. That is why she preferred allies.

“Everybody needs friends. You shouldn't underestimate what the right friends can do for you.” She said quietly.

Friends were always a sore spot for the young Austrian after what had happened shortly before her father, James made sure to rescue her from herself and her wrong friends, bringing her into F1 in the process, so she would never be long enough at home to get in contact with them ever again. Emma was just glad, that Niki didn’t know about any of what has happened in the past.

“And you're one of them?” He guessed.

“I'm just another driver who shared strawberries with you,” Emma answered, watching Kevin chewing on yet another berry, which caused the Dan to talk.

“You know. I get it now. Why some people are wary of you, I mean. You’re not as sweet and innocent as you make some of us believe.” Kevin joked around, causing Emma to smirk at him. He could have sworn he saw something mischievous sparkle in her innocent but stormy blue eyes.

“Oh shit. Tell me, what gave me away? It was the strawberries, wasn't it?” Emma fake exclaimed, humouring herself and Kevin with it.

Maybe she was just the new kid on the block. Trying her best to fit in in an already well-established group of people, who secretly hated each other, but were friendly on the outside in front of the media, well, most of the time. Kevin wasn’t sure if she really wanted to be a part of F1 as soon as she realised how things truly worked around here.

Thinking about Fernando and Emma’s silence about the incidence, maybe she already knew.

* * *

"What did Magnussen want from you?" The Spaniard demanded to know the moment the Dane disappeared to reach the truck. Emma was about to follow him, but Fernando caught her and held her by the arm. Sebastian was about to walk over to them, but Emma shook her head. Signalising him, that she had everything under control.

Emma shrugged her shoulder before she looked up at Fernando with a smirk. "A strawberry." She simply replied, but Fernando was having none of it. Tightening his grip on her hand only further. Emma was sure it would bruise, but that wasn’t something new.

“Remember to whom you belong, darling.” He whispered dangerously low, next to her ear, before he allowed her to go.

“Disillusioned, huh?” Emma challenged. Which caused Fernando to look angry down at her, giving her a little bush in the direction of the parade truck, just to remember her who was in control.

Emma immediately straightened up and held her head high. Fernando would no longer push her around without consequences. He would learn that quickly now.

It was Max, who took the chance to step next to her on the parade bus, looking her up and down carefully. “Do you want me to take care of him?” He questioned quietly, just for the Austrian to hear, but Emma shook her head. She wouldn’t hide behind Max, Lewis, Kimi or Sebastian any longer.

When Fernando wanted to bully her, she would let him pay for it. Outdoing him in her performance and making sure the world knew who the better driver was, would have to do it for now.

* * *

“You once mentioned that you have known many of the other drivers for a long time, so we did some research.” The reporter started, which caused Daniel, who was waiting for his interview to listen closer. The Aussie looked at Emma, suggestively raising his brows, causing Emma to laugh at his goofiness. 

“Oh, dear.” She murmured, as the guy suddenly revealed a picture to them. Daniel stepped even closer, as Emma took it from the guy, who offered it to her, showing it to Daniel as well.

Emma smiled down at the photo. It must have been Max and Emma’s first meeting. Both of them were sprawled out on the floor in one of the Ferrari conference rooms, with colour pencils and markers offered to them for their pictures. Someone must have called out to them, so both of them have looked up, genuine smiles on their faces. They were nothing more than toddlers. Max barely had started karting.

“Who’s the guy?” Daniel asked her, which caused Emma to glance up at him.

For Emma, it was pretty obvious, who the boy next to her must have been, especially with those big turquoise eyes.

Daniel knew those eyes, but he couldn’t quite put the finger on it. He took a better look at the child, but instead of proving him wrong, it only seemed to confirm his thought. It really must have been his teammate. Daniel shook his head softly. He knew that Max was barely three years older than Emma, but the Austrian was new to their world and she was the baby of the paddock to all of them. Max was already around for so much longer, sometimes Daniel forgot, that he wasn’t even in his mid-twenties yet.

“That’s Max,” Emma confirmed. Which made Daniel wonder what had happened. They seemed quite close on the picture, like siblings but Max has told him, that they didn’t really like each other during their early days of childhood. Growing up together in a constant competition while karting wasn’t doing them a favour, well or their friendship. 

“I couldn't imagine you two looking any younger than you already do. God, you guys were little adorable puppies. I don’t even want to know how old I was when they took this photo.” Daniel said, causing Emma and the reporter to laugh.

The guy offered to do the math for him, but Daniel declined politely. That wasn’t something he needed to know. Like ever. He joked around a little bit, while he took over Emma’s interview, but the Austrian seemed so caught up with the picture, that the Aussie decided it would be better to provide some backup.

Emma gaze seemed pained, as Emma tenderly brushed her fingers over the outlines of the photo. The things he would give to know what the Austrian thought now, only stupidly it seemed to be similar for the reporter. The Reporter was about to speak but Emma was faster. She asked to be allowed to keep the picture before she skilfully dumped the interview on Daniel. Who looked after her as she walked away, with the picture in hand.


	34. The human world is broken

# Chapter 34: The human world is broken

Being back in Dorian’s office felt wrong. She was doing alright lately. Max gave her so much confidence and recurrence. The young Austrian was glad she had him by her side. Still, she went to see Dorian twice a week when she was in Monaco, just to make sure, but today hit differently.

„During the day, it’s like nothing ever happened. I’m not scared to be alone in my apartment, or going out, doing the shopping. I came here on my own. It’s no problem.” Emma told Dorian for the second time this week. She felt good. Nothing was wrong with her, but the therapist obviously tried to hint her something.

“And during the nights?” The Doctor questioned.

“I’ve Max.” Emma simply replied like she always did. It was no big deal for her any longer. Max was the one who kept her safe, Dorian knew that she just couldn’t understand his disapproving glance every time she said the Dutchman’s name.

“You feel save with him? It’s not a problem, that he’s a man?” The woman simply shook her head. Slowly the whole thing became too tedious for her. She hated having to repeat herself, she lacked the patience for that.

“No, Max keeps me safe. I’ve told you about the run-in with Fernando after the race in Sochi or the one in Mexico, Max was there to safe me. I trust him because he earned my trust.”

“But normally, he isn’t that much of a caring person, is he?” Dorian wanted to know.

“What are you trying to tell me?”

“You remember, that I told you, you’re a special kind of patient, don’t you? Not just because of all the thing that had happened to you, but because of you being in the public eye so much.” Dorian questioned, causing Emma to nod, so he decided to go on.

“Normally I can only work, with what my patients are telling me, but with you, I can form my own opinion on people you tell me about. Of course, my opinion is only based on media appearances, body language and statements made by the person themselves or their environment, but I can therefore judge them better than with other patients. I was trying to form an opinion about Max Verstappen. And from what I’ve seen, it’s quite out of character, what he’s doing now. He doesn't seem like he has much patience and physical affection isn’t something he enjoys that much either.”

Emma shook her head again. Not feeling well, that her therapist was stalking Max online. “You don’t understand. He’s not like the media portrays him. Max deeply cares for me.”

“I’m not implying, that you lied to me, Emma. Not at all. I just think that you shouldn’t rely on him.” The Therapist explained, but Emma would give up the only thing which made her comfortable.

“Why? Because of the silly things the media claims?”

“After what I’ve read and what Max has told people about himself and his childhood, I see an acute danger in the fact that you have let your guards down completely towards him,” Dorian answered her.

“You don’t know Max. You have no idea about him or his childhood.” She defended Max, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Have you? You spend every night in the same bed, but you don’t even know him. His family, his friends?”

“That’s not how this works between us. Max is not taking advantage of me. He stays with me, because I asked him too, so I feel safe and can get the rest I need.” Emma clarified.

“So, you’re taking advantage of him caring for you.” Emma didn’t know what to say. She had that thought from time to time as well.

“Nobody is taking advantage of anything or anyone.”

“You had sex with him, right?” The doctor questioned.

“We slept with each other a few times before Fernando happened, but after that, he was nothing more than a friend to me.”

“Have you spoken to him about your situation before Fernando happened?” The Doctor quizzed.

“No. We … Max’s asked me out for dinner, to talk about everything after I told him I would spend some time in Spain with … you know.” The young Austrian had troubles to find the right words. Not prepared for the session to went like that.

“So, Max knew where you were. All the time, but even as you didn’t appear on Thursday for your media duty or on Friday for Free Practice, he told nobody. He didn't care enough about you to confront Fernando. To ask where you were, but you think you can trust him now?” Dorian tried to make her see reason, but Emma was far too stubborn to change her mind about Max.

“I don’t feel good talking about that. Max is not a problem. Fernando is. He and what he did to me. I’m here, so you can fix me, not to tell me that I shouldn’t rely on the only man, who doesn’t make me flinch when he touches me.” She tried to explain her side of the things to her therapist, but he was having none of it.

“And he has told somebody. Lewis and Sebastian. They tried all they could to help.” Emma added.

“Do you feel good, when you feel him lying next to you?” Emma was sure that this question was more than odd, but she didn’t want Dorian to portray Max as a bad guy.

“That’s a weird question. Why would you ask something like that?” Emma admitted.

“He has never touched you without consent?”

“Max is NOT my abuser. Fernando hurt me. He did this to me. Why can’t you speak about him the way you speak about Max? Sweet, caring, innocent Max.”

Dorian paused for a little while so his next words wouldn’t get lost. It was important that she understood where the problem was. “Because you’re aware of the fact, that Fernando is dangerous, but you’re too blind to see that Max could easily do the same thing to you,” Dorian told her, which caused Emma to look down at her hands.

“Every man could.” She simply shot back. “I can’t be scared of every man out there for the rest of my life!” With these words Emma stormed out of the room, not looking back, even as Dorian called her name. Maybe she shouldn’t go and see him any longer.

* * *

Sometimes Emma wondered why the world moved so much slower when she decided to only be a visitor. All these busy people running around catching trains and busses, working hard to pay their bills, chasing love. They were all running out of time, but nobody seemed to be fazed by that. It was simply their life. Emma was amazed and scared of them at the same time.

The just went out there and faced the world, their lives on a daily basis, while she had to sit down and drink her chai latte. Wasting her time on doing things other people did in passing.

Emma followed the outline of her cup of chai latte with her fingertips while watching a young pair of lovers across the street from her seat in the little café near the window. The young Austrian wasn’t sure if they were fighting or just rapidly talking with each other, but she felt taken aback by the scene. Emma would never have anything like that, but she was okay with it. Life wasn’t something the youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan was good in.

Shaking her head softly, Emma tried to refocus on her cup of chai latte. After her session with Dorian, she simply couldn’t go back to Max, at least not right away, so she decided to drink a chai latte and think it all over again, but she came back blank. Maybe she should listen to Dorian, he only wanted the best for her and maybe she was really careless with her life, but Emma just couldn’t imagine, that Max would ever hurt her. Maybe not physical but psychical, mentally? She didn’t know and thinking about it made her head hurt.

A soft voice brought her back from her deep and cloudy thoughts. “Is this seat taken?” The man asked, the voice more than familiar to her, so she turned around facing the person. A genuine smile appeared on her rosy lips after she had gesticulated him to sit down.

“Didn’t know you were in town. I thought you would have called me at least.” She started, as her blond companion smiled cockily. Some things never change.

“Well.” He said leaning back in his seat a little bit “The rumours are that it’s hard to get a hold of me. I would like to keep it like that.” He added, causing Emma to roll her eyes at her German friend.

Nico visited from time to time, but most often only to see Lewis while his wife though he was working, this time it was something else. He just came from the airport on his way to Lewis, just stopped for a quick coffee and run into Emma. Stupidly he had believed Lewis, as the Brit had told him that Emma was alright, cursing Lewis for not seeing which was so obvious to Nico. Her disturbed facial expression told the story of a confused soul and a broken spirit.

Something definitely was wrong and Nico had a bad feeling. He was sure Lewis didn’t know, Sebastian properly either, so nobody was there to call Emma out on her bullshit, causing her to finally talk about it, in order to provide the so much needed support.

“You don’t look all too well. Lewis had …” Nico stopped their shortly. Technical Lewis had told him nothing at all, at least not with words but that didn’t mean he hadn’t let him know anything. Nevertheless, Nico didn’t want Emma to think Lewis would ever be disloyal towards her. Their friendship far too precious and she needed the recurrence that she could trust her friends.

“Well technically, he didn’t tell me anything, but you know us. He doesn’t have too. He’s an open book to me.” Nico told her, causing Emma to roll her eyes, before taking another sip from her now cold chai latte. Wincing at the horrible taste.

“What do you wanna know?” Emma asked, not in the mood to tell her whole story over and over again. She already felt like what Fernando did to her was common knowledge. Repeating it wouldn’t help her. It would only lead to old wounds reopening, although they were actually still fresh. Ironic if Emma thought about it. Nothing had healed yet. Maybe never would.

“I want to know if you’re alright and don’t bullshit me, you know I can see through it.” Nico challenged, sliding closer to the young Austrian. The girl exhaled softly before she shook her head.

“How could I be alright?” Emma questioned, causing Nico to reach out on the table to take her hand, but he stopped. Carefully he turned his hand around and offered it to Emma, so she could take it if she wanted this small gesture of comfort. The German understood that it was important that it was Emma’s decision if she wanted to be touched or not. Emma didn’t but she was grateful that Nico didn’t decide for her. Emma shook her head, which caused Nico to nod before he took his hand away. He understood, better than anybody else and Emma felt terrible that she had knowledge about that.

Sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined.

“Tell me what you’re doing in Monaco.” Emma changed the topic and Nico let her. It wasn’t his place to tell her she needed to talk about her problems. He only needed to remind her, that she wasn’t alone after all. That she had people on her side, who are willing to listen if she ever wanted to tell.

“I’m looking for an apartment. Something cosy just for me.” He admitted before he showed Emma his hand. There was no wedding band any longer, just a stripe of lighter skin than the rest of his hand.

“It’s over?” She questioned, which caused Nico to nod. He and Vivi have decided that it would be better that way. So, both parents could be happy.

“You can’t tell Lewis though,” Nico swore Emma to secrecy, but the young Austrian wasn’t thrilled. She hated keeping secrets from her best friends.

“He’s gonna know.” She said, after emptying her cup. Max properly already wonders where she is, but she felt like going back wasn’t the right thing to do, not after what Dorian had told her.

“How would he know?” Nico wanted to know, and Emma said nothing just gestured towards his hand. The even lighter skin clear to see. Exhaling deeply Nico sighed. He might need to wear the ring again when he was on media duty, just so there wouldn’t be any more rumours. 

He thought about something to say, wanted to explain it to Emma but in the end, he didn’t. It wasn’t his place to shatter the hope her childish heart still held for Lewis and Nico. Emma only wanted the best for the two of them and Nico hated that it took him so long to understand that they weren’t good for each other.

He should have realised it so much earlier. Even before Emma knew about the two of them. Sometimes he wondered if Niki disapproved that the two drivers got his underaged daughter tangled up in their lover’s quarrels. Like a divorced couple with their own kids, trying to get Emma to choose a side. To decide who was wrong and who was right.

“Don’t you’ve suffered enough by now?” Emma questioned but as she saw the look in Nico’s eyes she understood that he did though they’ve suffered enough. That’s the reason why he wouldn’t tell Lewis about his divorce. He could never promise Lewis that he wouldn’t go back to Vivian.

It was never his heart on the line, always Lewis’, and Nico was sick of fucking up. Lewis deserved to finally be free of him.

“Sometimes you reach the end, Emma.” He whispered. His blue eyes fogged with sadness and realism.

“He will hate you for that. He will hate you for giving up.” Emma started, but Nico shook his head. Blond strains messily falling into his forehead, but the German didn’t care.

“That’s the difference. We’ve suffered so much. Torn into each other. It’s better this way. Once and for all.” Emma knew that they wouldn’t go with it. Nico and Lewis never managed to stay away from each other for long.

“I don’t understand. How can you cope with knowing that it was your call, not to be with him?” The youngest member of the Lauda-Hunt clan wanted to know.

“I hope you never have to understand.” Nico finally said. He took a sip from his coffee while watching Emma. He could read her so well, saw all the things she thought about saying, but she didn’t. It wasn’t her place.

“The moral of the story is that no matter how much we try, no matter how much we want it, some stories just don’t have a happy ending,” Nico told her before he said his goodbye and promised to drop by sometimes in the future for a nice dinner or something. Emma didn’t tell him, that she wasn’t living in her parent’s apartment any longer, but she didn’t need to. They both knew that it was only an empty promise. He would never seek her out, the memories and better times Emma reminded him of every time he looked at her were far too hurtful to stomach. 

She wanted to ask him where he had stolen this line though. It was a good line, she wondered if there were some more for her to use the next time she had to see her therapist.


	35. Dusk till dawn

# Chapter 35: Dusk till dawn

Emma was on her way back to Max’s apartment. Driving her McLaren through the streets of Monte Carlo, she took a deep breath. Her mind was heavy with all the thoughts. But somehow, she was grateful that Nico gave her something else to think about than her own problems. They’ve talked so long it was already getting dark by now.

Emma could understand that it was driving Nico crazy how humans are just meant to hold each other. He hated that when he held Lewis's hand, his finger just perfectly locked with his own. How his face just fit right in the crook of his neck when they hugged. How his hands can cup Nico’s face like it’s their primary function. It cannot be a coincidence that their bodies are fully capable of holding another.

Sometimes Emma wondered by what cruel fate they were tied to each other. Constantly trying to tear their bond, not aware of how much they hurt each other with that. It wasn’t the first time Nico had told Emma that it was over between Lewis and himself. Both of them had ended it so many times but were drawn back to each other. However, it was the first time the German said his marriage wasn’t worth fighting for anymore. Maybe now was their time. Maybe they could overcome the past. To be true Emma doubt it. There was so much hurt, pain and anger, maybe their love wasn’t strong enough to overcome what they’ve done to each other over all these years. Maybe Nico was right and some stories just don’t have a happy ending.

Emma was driving up the street when her phone started to ring on her passenger seat. Shortly glancing down on it, she saw the picture of her father. James always called her to make sure his little girl was alright. With a smile on her face, she took the phone and picked up.

“Hey, daddy. What’s up?” She questioned, her eyes on the street after she had put her dad on speaker.

“Hello, my darling. Just wanted to make sure you’re alright.” The calm voice of her father always made her relax. She could hear the smile in his voice.

“I’m good,” Emma told him, asking how things were at home in Austria. So, James let her know of the newest gossip about the neighbours in Vienna and her parents plan to build a zen garden in Spielberg at the summer mansion. Emma only replied that she didn’t understand why they would build one of these when they had a good enough sandpit down behind the house, someone could easily pimp it a little bit.

“Don’t ask me, Emma. It was your father’s idea.” James told her with a little sigh. Nothing new there. Niki sometimes had such ideas and demanded from James to make it happen as soon as possible. The last time something like this happened they got a French garden. Actually, Emma liked that one. It was a good place for a little stroll.

“Hey, dad listen I’ve fought about things a little bit lately.” She told him, thinking back to what Dorian had told her today. The young Austrian knew that his intentions were good, truly. He just worded it wrong this time, offending Emma in the process but he was right.

Maybe right now, her journey wasn’t about love, commitment or friendship. Maybe right now, her journey was about being alone. Maybe this is the season she is being challenged to learn how to wake up alone in the middle of the bed and be okay with that, to finally find the hope in the vacancy. Hope in the quiet, hope in the way she stretched into her life and gave herself permission to take up space within it. Maybe right now she was being shown that she could take care of herself, that she can depend on the person she had become, that she can be her own home no matter what comes her way.

“Sound’s dangerous.” James joked. Snickering quietly at his own joke.

“It’s not. I promise.” Emma told him, deciding she would just ask him before her courage would leave her again.

“I would like to get my own place. Still in Monaco but something just for me. Could you speak to Adrian about looking for an apartment? I know he’s the best for that job.” To be true James was a little bit shocked about his daughters plead, but he would never deny her.

“Yeah. Definitely. I will call you when he’s found something, alright darling?” Emma thanked him and ended the call after a few more minutes of small talk. It wasn’t easy to let his daughter go especially after what had happened, but Emma wasn’t in the need of a babysitter. She would be alright.

* * *

Tiredly Emma kicked the door shut behind her. Toeing her shoes off, before walking into the kitchen. Since she was already on her way, she decided to bring some food with her. Japanese food may not have been what her diet was supposed to be, but Emma was emotionally drained and good food helped her to regain her energy.

She took two plates and cutlery from the kitchen before moving everything into the living room to the coffee table. Max sat on the floor in front of the TV and played Fifa. Looking up as the clearly tired Austrian flopped down on the couch. Leaning back, closing her eyes and exhaling softly.

Max watched her a little bit, his game paused before he got up and set down next to her. To be true the Dutch was beyond nervous. Emma should have been back hours ago, not just now. So, he decided to play some Fifa in the living room, at least he would know when she got home this way.

Carefully he nagged her foot with his, causing her to open her beautiful stormy blue eyes. “Was therapy that terrible?” He asked her gently, causing Emma to snore.

“Well, yes.” She told him. “Actually, you were the main topic today.” She told the Dutch, who listen closely while trying to snatch a spring roll from the packet of slowly cooling food.

“Me? Why would you guys talk about me?” Max questioned after Emma had sat up, opened the packet of spring rolls and offered them without a word to him. The Dutch thanked her shortly before he started to unpack the other dishes as well. Some chicken, beef, noodles, duck with beansprouts, sushi, rice and some teppanyaki. Emma had brought half a buffet home.

Max was about to ready himself a plate full of food after he had given the first one to Emma as the young Austrian shrugged. “Dorian thinks I’m carless, in the widest sense, with my life.”

“Well, are you?” Max questioned as he got himself a good portion of glass noodles. Emma grimaced, she hated them, but Max liked the weird consistency, so she bought them every time.

“For sure.” The young Austrian admitted, which caused Max to look at her, signalising her to go on.

“He’s worried because I clearly know that Fernando is a danger, but I don’t see the potential danger you represent,” Emma told him, causing Max to stop, his fork mid-air.

“He thinks I’m dangerous?” Max questioned in disbelieve, as Emma pulled her legs up in order to sit on them while leaning in towards Max. The young Dutch knew that Emma understood that he would never do something to hurt her. He can feel it in the way she acted around him, the way she sought his support. Resting her head against his shoulder while balancing her plate in her left hand. Emma trusted him, but he also knew that she was so used to listen to what the therapist told her.

“He thinks you act out of character around me.” She clarified but the Dutch wasn’t sure that was any better. He was about to tell her that he would never hurt her, but he decided to not intervene with what the Doctor had said.

“What was your response?” Max wanted to know, causing Emma to shrug again. “Told him, that I can’t be scared of men for the rest of my life. That you’re the good guy in all that.” Max nodded slowly, sapping through the channels to find something they could watch while dining. In the end, the settled of an old film both of them had already seen.

Emma was so exhausted she was barely able to eat anything at all, before she put the plate away and fell asleep, leaning against Max’s chest. The Dutch couldn’t pay any attention towards the movie, too caught up in his own mind. Max wondered how much influence the therapist had on Emma when talking with him emotionally tired her so much. Most defiantly it wasn’t his place to judge the therapist or his methods but it’s worrying Max how easily he caused Emma to work herself up like that.

He finished his meal, before he moved Emma, so she rested on the sofa. Max started to clean away dinner, after he had carefully tugged Emma in, the television playing quietly in the background, while Max was busy in the kitchen. Storing away the leftovers and cleaning their plates before making sure the kitchen was acceptable clean. 

As he came back Emma looked up at him, like she just woke up. Max thought that she looked adorable. “Come on sleepy head. Time for bed.” He extended his hand, so Emma would actually move and come with him. To be true it was rather early but it would do both of them good to get some decent sleep for once.

Getting ready for bed always took Emma way longer than Max, so the Dutch had already settled in bed, playing a little bit Fifa, while Emma was still busy in the bathroom. Somewhere along the line, Emma had taken in a habit of playing on or two games with Max before actually going to sleep, but today she just cuddled up to him, exhaling softly, before closing her eyes.

“Tell me something,” Max said, not used to the quiet. They always talked about their day before they went to sleep.

Emma debated with herself if she should tell Max that she had decided to move out and live her own life, but she couldn’t. Not shortly before getting to bed, so she told him the other important thing on her mind.

“I met Nico today.” She started, but as she saw the confusion on Max’s face, she clarified which Nico they were talking about. For Emma, it was logical that as soon as she said Nico, it was about Nico Rosberg. Maybe she was far too involved in Lewis and Nico’s drama.

“Oh, something interesting?” Max questioned, but Emma simply shook her head. “Just gossip.”

“Good gossip?”

“Meh.”

* * *

Everything had been alright. Until Max’s fucking phone when off. The Dutch didn’t even look who called him, he just throws his right hand towards the nightstand and tried to find the stupid thing.

Without looking who it was he answered with a simple but displeased. “What?”

“So, I take it you’re not in the simulator like you should be,” Christian said matter-of-factly and Max was annoyed that his boss had caught him lazing around rather than working.

Normally the Dutch would be uncomfortable with this situation, but he couldn’t care less at the moment. Emma was sleeping with her head on his chest and her arm thrown across his middle. Safe and sound snoring into his ear. Which was annoying and adorable at the same time. He was just so comfortable, and Emma was pleasant warm next to him.

“Well no,” Max answered, still more asleep than awake. The Dutch flopped down against the bed, his head resting on his pillow while he let the fingers of his free hand wander through Emma’s hair. Massaging her scalp softly. 

“Care to explain why you’re not in the sim?” Christian asked a little bit baffled, that Max seemed to care not at all, that he was not only caught but by him, his boss. The only thing worse would have been if Dr Marko would have caught him.

“We had a lay in today.” The young Dutch simply answered. Pulling Emma, a little bit higher on his chest from more warmth for both of them. Sharing his body heat with the young Austrian wasn’t something new. Not anymore. But it was definitely something good.

“Who’s we?” Christian demanded to know, which finally woke Max up a little bit.

“Me, myself and I?” He answered awkwardly, but Christian definitely knew that Max was bullshitting him right now. The snickering female voice, Christian heard wasn’t helping either. The Red Bull team principal rolled his eyes. Of course, the young Dutch wasn’t alone.

“Make sure you get some time in the simulator, Max. When your companion allows you to leave the bed.” The Brit said before he ended the call the female voice had chuckled again, but suddenly it made Christian stop. The way this woman laughed was somehow familiar to him. But he had no face to the voice. He just hoped Max wasn’t stupid enough to get involved with a married woman or a girlfriend from another driver.

Max throw his phone back on the nightstand, before bending over Emma and starting to tickle her in revenge. “You little shit. He was so close on calling me out on my bullshit.” He complained as Emma tried her best to protect her most ticklish parts while laughing her ass off. She was about to roll out of bed, but Max was fast to catch her, pulling her back so she could rest her head on his thins.

“That I heard. You’re a bad liar, Verstappen.” She managed to choke out, as soon as she had some air back in her lungs, causing Max just to tickle her some more. Trying her best to free herself Emma climbed into Max’s lap and tried to tickle him back, but both stopped immediately, as their gaze met.

Max looked down at Emma, she was just wearing one of his old Red Bull shirts and panties. Sitting on top of the sheets, while Max was below them. Her hands held together by him in front of them.

“We haven’t talked about this, us.” Max started quietly, after letting go of Emma, but the young Austrian just put her hands on Max’s broad chest.

“You don't always have to talk things through,” Emma whispered back, her lips hovering over his. She was so close Max could feel her breath on his skin, raising goosebumps down his neck and on his arms.

“Generally, I would agree but things are different now.” Emma knew that Max only wanted to protect her, but she hated him at that moment for reminding her of Fernando and what he did to her and her body. Maybe he was right and they truly tried to run before they’ve learned to walk steadily, but it wasn’t something new for them. They have already seen each other naked on more than one occasion and they already had sex, just before Fernando happened.

“Are they?” She questioned but Emma didn’t move, if Max wanted to push her away, she would accept that, and she would give him the chance to.

The young Dutch struggled with himself. Normally he wouldn’t even think about it. Having a beautiful girl sitting in his lap, he would already be on it, but with Emma, it was something else. She wasn’t fragile, but he knew she couldn’t take another wrong step at the moment.

“Unfortunately, yes. We should talk properly before we do anything.” Max told her while brushing his finger through her golden hair.

Would they have been clear about what they wanted before Fernando, he wouldn’t be that worried either, but now he wasn’t sure if Emma just wanted someone, she trusted to reclaim her body from Fernando’s actions or if she truly wanted him.

“I don’t want to talk,” Emma answered, before resting her head on his shoulder. They needed to talk but not right now.

“Well, no talk, no sex. That’s the rule now.” Hugging her close to his chest, Max smirked, and Emma could hear it in his voice. Smut bastard.

“Too bad for you.” Emma mumbled against Max’s shoulder tiredly.


	36. Commitment

# Chapter 36: Commitment

“What about this one? It has a home gym?” Andrew asked as he and Kiwi looked through the apartments Adrien had preselected for the young Austrian. Both of them were hurtled together, showing each other the options Emma had, while the Lauda-Hunt family sat across the corridor, mostly just watching the Canadian and the Aussie.

Emma only lifted a brow at her trainers’ comment before focusing back on her drink. James watched her worried. Emma had sounded so eager to find a flat just for herself, but now that she actually had to decide which one, she wanted, she wasn’t interested at all any longer. James switched seat, so he was seated next to his daughter instead of his husband, which caused Niki to huff but the older Austrian didn’t say anything. Just focusing on his phone writing some business e-mails.

“If you don’t want to look through them now, it’s alright.” He told her softly, which caused Emma to nod before she allowed the stewardess to refill her glass.

“After the race,” Emma said, which caused James to nod. He smiled at his daughter, which lifted the glass like she was about to make a toast.

“Oh! That one. Emma look it.” Kiwi called out before she stood up from her place and shuffled over to her young boss, shoving the pictures of the apartment into Emma’s face. “It’s a penthouse suite and has an infinity pool. And look at the kitchen!” Kiwi sounded really excited, which caused Emma to roll her eyes, before she shoved Kiwi’s arms back, so she could look over at her dad, who was sitting next to her. James understood what Emma was trying to tell him, so he stood up before he got the data back from the trainer and PR-Agent.

“Well, I think it’s enough of that for now. Emma will decide after the race.” Rolling his eyes softly at his husband, Niki shook his daughter a glance, asking her if she was alright with that, no words needed between daughter and father.

* * *

The flight was terrible, just like every flight where Niki was not the pilot. Emma was so used to her father steering the plane, that she always felt uneasy when somebody else did it. Waiting for their luggage, Emma wondered what there would be for dinner tonight, as her phone rang. It was an English number, which confused her, but she picked up, nevertheless.

“Am I speaking with Emma Lauda?” A young voice asked, which caused Emma to make eye contact with Niki before she took a few steps back at her father’s nod in approval.

“Yes. With whom do I have the pleasure?” She asked quieter.

“Tobias Eaton. I represent Miss Erin Reed and the women who joined her case against Mister Fernando Alonso in court. I have been trying to reach you for some time, but you are hard to get hold of.” The lawyer told her, which caused Emma to freeze.

“I'm a busy woman,” Emma replied, paying herself some time to comprehend what she had just been told. Erin sued Fernando, Emma had thought that the other woman didn’t have any proof, but maybe together with the other woman they had enough. Emma didn’t know if she was happy about that or not. It would most defiantly hurt her reputation.

“I hereby officially inform you that you are being called to the witness stand at the trial of Fernando Alonso on the 20th of this month, in London. I’m looking forwards to what you can tell us.” The man told her before he bid her goodbye and ended the call. Letting the phone sink, Emma wasn’t sure how she was supposed to react now.

* * *

Barging into Lewis room was the only thing Emma could think of right now, so she did exactly that. What she hadn’t expected was a very naked Nico lying on the bed and Lewis, who was just wearing white boxer shorts standing in the middle of the room.

“God, I’m sorry!” Emma shrieked, while she turned around and held her hands over her eyes, which caused Lewis to snicker. The Brit sat down on the bed, while Nico fished for his boxers, before putting them on as well. Sending Lewis a dark glance.

“Alright. We’re wearing underwear. You can turn around.” Lewis told her an amused grin playing around his lips. Nico was painfully aware that this gaze wasn’t directed at him, not anymore.

“I’m pretty sure I still don’t want to look at you guys,” Emma muttered as she turned around. Her hand slowly sliding off her face, before she carefully opened one eye and then the other. Lewis was about to ask Emma what brought her to them as the door swung open again and Sebastian barged into the room. Emma had told them that she needed a reality check and that he should meet her in Lewis room.

Looking as horrified as Emma as she first had entered the room, but Sebastian warily eyed Emma as well, which caused the young Austrian to lift her hand, showing her innocence. Sebastian crossed his hand in front of his chest and lifted an eyebrow amused.

“So, no threesome then?” Sebastian joked, which caused Emma to punch his arm. Sebastian and Emma started to banter in German which Nico followed entertained, but Lewis understood not even one word, so after a few minutes he called for their attention.

“As much as I love you guys but why are you here? I’m kinda busy.” Lewis wanted to know, which caused the smile to fall from Emma’s face. Both German-speaking intruders wore dark expressions now.

“Fernando,” Emma told him, which caused Lewis to reach out to her, so the young Austrian would come over and sit down with them, Sebastian followed close, flopping down on the floor, facing Emma.

“What happened?” Nico wanted to know, which caused Emma to look at him. She somehow forgot that he was there, but the question was why. He had told Emma that it was over with him and Lewis. Maybe it was their goodbye she broke up now.

Emma didn’t see a point in keeping it a secret. Nico would know as soon as it leaked, which would be soon than later, with the media circling them.

“I got a call. A lawyer. He told me I was called to court to testify against Fernando. I wasn’t the first and apparently, these women hope to fight the trial on my back. My very famous back.” She told them, which caused Lewis to take her hand in his, before kissing her finger.

“That’s good Emma. This is about justice.” He tried to reassure her, but Nico stopped him.

“It’s about using her.” The ex-driver told him, which caused Lewis to look at him. Ready to argue, that a trail was a good thing, but this time Sebastian stopped him.

The Ferrari driver didn’t look up, just fiddled a little bit with his joined hands. “Come on Lewis, think about it. Nobody would have paid them much mind, but with Emma …”

He trailed off, not in the mood to actually speak the words they all were thinking. Nico took over for him. Watching Lewis while he spoke.

“She’s well known, and people are interested in her life, the things she does. Emma’s involvement gives this trial the attention it would have never got. They not only aim to win, but they also aim to destroy his carrier.” Emma was silent while Nico spoke, playing with her phone until she stood up.

“It’s an open war against Fernando and they try to force me to take part.” The young Austrian told them, silently begging them to tell her what to do.

After Sochi, she had decided that she would never go back there, that it was in the past, but now Erin saw her chance to actually get her revenge on Fernando and she thought she could use the young Austrian for that. She thought she could take Emma’s good name and reputation and through it to the media to slaughter just so she would get a little bit of attention for her own pain. It was unfair, Emma wondered if Erin knew that, but she properly didn’t care.

“When’s the trial?” Sebastian wondered, which caused Emma to realise that she wasn’t alone. Her hands at her side relaxed slowly.

“20th.” She simply answered, which caused Sebastian to nod before he got up from his place in front of the sofa.

“Well, seems like we have to stop in London before we fly out to Abu Dhabi.” Lewis looked at the German before he nodded. It wasn’t a question at all, they would all go with her to the trail. And if they have to stop a few days in London for that, so it be.

“Guys.” Emma trailed off but knew that there was no chance they would let her go on her own, especially with Fernando present as well.

* * *

The race was alright, Emma got descend points but not enough to change something on the fact that Lewis already won the championship. But to be true she was alright with that. Emma was happy to see Max and Lewis on the podium today and Kimi has put up a real fight against Daniel for third. It was a good race, but somehow it drove Sebastian a sore mood. She wondered if he would tell her if she asked, but pushed the thought in the back of her mind, as someone knocked on her door.

Emma called out that the door was open, which caused Max to enter her room. He had a board smile on his face and was piratically dripping with all the champagne in his hair. Putting down the trophy and the half-empty bottle on the shelf by the door, Max walked over, looking over her shoulder towards the things Emma was reading.

“Still working?” Max questioned as he saw the sheets in front of Emma, but she shook her head. She was looking at the preselected apartments in Monaco but hadn’t decided yet. To be true she hadn’t decided either if she wanted to tell Max or not.

“Nah. Thinking about stuff and looking for an apartment.” Emma told him as casual as possible, as Max took one of her towels from the shelf to dry his hair, before sitting down opposite from Emma.

“What’s wrong with mine?” Max questioned, somewhat perplexed. He had not expected the young Austrian to want to dumb him as her flatmate. He found living together rather pleasant. It was nice to have someone you can come home to.

“Nothing. It’s just … I think I need some more space.” Emma told him as she gathered the sheets in her hands, before putting them away into her bag, but Max wasn’t ready to let it go that soon.

“If you want more space in my closet you could have just told me. I have a guestroom if you’re sick of me stealing your blanket in the middle of the night.” The Dutch muttered, which caused Emma to roll her eyes before she nagged his shin so he would slide back with the chair. Sitting down in his lap.

“That’s not it. We both know that I’m the one, who steals the blanket.”

“Well, true.”

“I love living with you. It’s just … I need to stand on my own two feet for once. You understand, right?” Emma questioned as Max sneaked his arms around her waist not caring that he was sticky with champagne.

Max has left his father as soon as he could to live on his own. Independent from what other people wanted. Emma would like that as well, even though there was nothing better than to be woken up by Max in the morning with a cup of coffee and some Belgian waffles. She swore she would marry him when he did that.

“Yeah sure,” Max muttered as he pressed a kiss against her shoulder. “Why should you live with me in a wonderful cosy apartment with an amazing view when you can be alone? I totally understand. I mean commitment sucks.” He added, which caused Emma to roll her eyes.

“No, duty sucks. Commitment can be nice.” Emma replied before she kissed Max’s lips. It was a sweet and innocent kiss, for a few seconds until Max pulled her closer, causing Emma to push her fingers through his hair. Max smiled against her rosy lips before kissing down her jaw, throat, collarbone.

“Is that what you want?” Max questioned, as Emma started to work his race suit open. They still haven’t talked about their current situation. But Emma felt safe with Max and only him.

“You started with the commitment thing,” Emma replied while pushing the top of the suit down, so it was resting at Max’s hip. Easily pushing one hand under his fireproof shirt. The young Austrian let her finger trail over Max’s torso before she pushed her hands down the front of his trousers, but Max stopped her catching her hands in his, before lifting them, so he could hold them against his chest.

“There is something else, isn’t it?” He asked, watching Emma carefully, but the young Austrian simply kissed him again, not in the mood to talk at the moment. She had talked with Lewis, Seb and Nico two days ago and they were working on a plan, there was no need to worry Max as well. Max kissed her back for some time until he came back to the topic, asking Emma again.

“There’s a trail, shortly before Abu Dhabi. I was called to court. What Fernando did to me … I wasn’t the only one, Max.” Max didn’t say anything, simply listened to his soon-to-be teammate. Tenderly brushing her hair away from her face and behind her ear.

“Will you press charge as well?” The young Dutchman questioned, and Emma truly didn’t know. Nico had told her that she would only damage herself and her name if she did, but Lewis was so sure that the only thing that would truly help her find peace was to speak up against Fernando and help others to find peace as well.

“Maybe, I don’t know. I’m not sure what I should do.” Emma admitted, which caused Max to pull her into a hug. Caressing her back softly. 

“No one can make this decision for you. But I can come with you.” Max promised her, but Emma shook her head. Pushing away a little bit to look at the Dutch. Max turquoise eyes sparkling with trust and tenderness.

“No. … No,” Emma whispered before she pressed a kiss at the corner of his mouth. “You should go home. We’ll see each other in Abu Dhabi.” Emma added, which caused Max to nod, but he wasn’t happy about that. He looked over his shoulder towards the Austrian flag hanging over her bed, which caused Emma to put her fingers under Max's chin forcing him to look at her before she pushed her fingers tenderly through is hair again.

“Don’t. I know what you think but I don’t try to push you away. Max, I … there is already an army of people, who’s going to watch my every step and try to help me, but I don’t need that. I need to be able to come home to you.” Emma whispered, which caused Max to kiss her again.

“Sounds awfully like commitment,” Max commented which caused Emma to laugh.

The young Austrian kissed Max again and this time he didn’t object. She had shown him often enough that she truly wanted him and not just a little bit of distraction. Max removed her leather jacket without breaking the kiss, only pulling her closer, before he lifted her up, causing Emma to sling her legs around his waist. Max carried her over to the bed, after he glanced over his shoulder to make sure, that the door was locked.

Emma was panting heavily as Max tore the rest of their clothes off, scattering them around the room. He forced himself to focus on not hurting himself or Emma with all these fast movements in the tiny space. He could see Emma gripping onto him, feel her nails scratching into his back. Her neck highly exposed as she arched her back up into Max, never wanting the feeling of ecstasy to go.

Max smiled down at her, his hands on both sides of her face tangled in her hair. Gently he pushed his nose against hers, before he kissed Emma again, which returned Emma instantly.

“You’re good, Liefje?” Max questioned, which caused Emma to nod slowly.

Coming down from their high, Emma had troubles to keep her eyes open. She didn’t catch much sleep in the last few days, with the call from the lawyer, the decision about an apartment and the fact that she couldn’t sleep next to Max on a race weekend.

“Yeah. Just tired. Don’t sleep that well lately.” She muttered, her finger tracing the outline of his chest. Max didn’t know that. She always slept well when they were together.

“Go to sleep, Em. I will wake you later.” Max promised and not long after Emma’s eyes closed, falling in a relaxing sleep. The much-needed sleep.

Max turned them around, so Emma rested on his chest, their feet tangled up together. He struggled a little bit, but he managed to get them both under the blanket which normally rested on the shelf next to Emma’s bed and the shelf where her helmet belonged. 

Holding her close, drawing soft pattern up and down her arm as he desperately fought to not fall asleep as well. It wouldn’t make a good first impression on either of Emma’s fathers if they found them like that. And Daniel was properly looking for him, so they could celebrate his podium together, but to be true had already had a very good private party.

Looking at Emma, he smiled again. “Maybe commitment is alright.” He whispered to himself.


	37. A decision to be made

# Chapter 37: A decision to be made

Once Emma arrived at a crossroads in her life, it was impossible for her to make a decision. The young Austrian hated that she could only choose one of the paths and never go back on her decision. It was unsafe and far worse unfamiliar to her. It was the unknown which scared her.

Most of the time her parents lead the direction for her. Guiding her safely down the right path. But how was she supposed to know which was the right way fully on her own now?

Biting her lip so hard while thinking Emma tasted blood, which caused her to refocus on the real world. The skyline of London in front of her, with all they light sparkling in the dark. Emma smiled, somehow it felt so much more peaceful when she just watched the hectic city below, rather than joining the busy nightlife. 

She noticed that the temperature had dropped dramatically since the sunset, her breath now came out in little puffy clouds.

“You don’t seem very present lately,” Sebastian said as he walked up to Emma, just looking briefly at her, before leaning against the railing of the balcony, looking down at the city as well.

“And you don’t tell me anything any longer,” Emma replied, which caused Sebastian to glance over his shoulder.

It was rare nowadays to see the young Austrian smile. Emma had grown up in the most horrifying way over the length of a few months. The transition from the happy young girl, which always joked around and laughed way louder than anyone else in the room to the quiet, overthinking woman, which always had her guards up was startling. He hated that he couldn’t prevent it.

“You think I will break when you tell me what’s on your mind?” She questioned him which let Sebastian snort.

“It’s not important. What’s important is what you will say tomorrow in court.” Maybe Sebastian was right, but Emma would sleep better if she at least knew that he was alright. One thing less to worry about.

“To be true, I don’t really care about the outcome any longer. I just want it to be over.” Emma told him before she shrugged the blanket off and walked over to him, so she could take the place right next to the Ferrari driver.

“Kimi is leaving. That’s on your mind isn’t it.” Sebastian smiled pained. She was far too good at seeing his weak spots.

“Maybe.” He replied, which caused Emma to smile. “I won’t pretend that I agree with Ferrari's decisions. I really don’t but you’re Sebastian Vettel, you will manage.”

Seb looked up at the sky, watching the stars a little bit before he pulled Emma in a sidewise hug. “He will be missed,” Seb said, which caused Emma to snort.

“He didn’t die. He’s just further down the pitlane.” She added, which caused Sebastian to smile before he kissed her forehead. Emma Lauda was too precious for this world.

“Something less depressing. I saw Max leaving McLaren in Brazil very late after the race. You don’t happen to know what he did there, do you?” Sebastian quizzed, which caused Emma to shrug.

“Probably spying.”

“At McLaren?” Sebastian lifted a suggestive brow, which caused Emma to box his arm.

“Fuck you!” She ordered him, while the German snickered. Emma watched the city below them with a small smile playing around her rosy lips, waiting for Sebastian to quieten down. There was an important question on her mind she needed answering and she couldn’t take it if he would joke about it.

“You don’t approve?” Emma questioned and she hoped he would. Somehow Sebastian’s approve was even more valuable to her than her parents’. He was a key figure in her life, one of the most trusted and somehow it was so much more important to her that Sebastian approved of her life choices then Lewis. He was the perfect husband and father when he thought it was a good idea to be with Max, it would be like the ultimate blessing.

“I’m not your father and he doesn’t ask for your hand in marriage, you don’t need my blessing.” Emma looked over at Sebastian. Clearly, that wasn’t the answer she had hoped for, but what worked out the way she had hopped lately?

“Tell me what’s it like. What you want it to be.”

Emma looked back towards the lights of the city. There was just one word which described the situation right.

“It’s commitment.” Emma muttered. “I can’t explain what I mean. And even if I could, I’m not sure … it’s a quote, like to think it could be a promise, one day. I know it’s stupid …” She trailed off, but Sebastian was fast to reassure her.

“It’s not. It’s really not.” The German promised, brushing her hair behind her ear, as he saw the first tears sparkling in her stormy blue eyes.

“I asked him to go home. So, I can come home to him when we’re done with this mess. I sure as hell will need him when this rains down on me.” Emma whispered, which caused Sebastian to pull her in his arms.

“It will be alright.”

“You know it’s strange. Max and me, I mean.” Emma tried to clarify.

“We have nothing in common, couldn’t be more different but I have feelings for him, and I need to figure out what they are. What they will mean for us.”

Emma was a restless spirit, always moving too fast, thinking too big, wanting too much. She was raised like that. Extraordinary, loud, unstoppable.

* * *

According to the women's rights organisation, about 90 percent of the recorded rape cases remain without conviction. Often the victims are not taken seriously and people will say things like "they wanted it" or "they just played hard to get", which is horrific, but Emma had learned one thing in her all night internet research, this trail would hurt her carrier.

No matter if the judge found Fernando guilty or not. A story like hers still must not be told. Biting her lip, Emma went over the numbers she had read last night again and again.

With every statement, a woman made, her desire to see Fernando behind bars grew, but every time Alonso's lawyer stood up to cross-examine one of these women, Emma realized he would never end up there.

She had only seen Fernando's lawyer just before the trial, but she had googled his name. It was said that the man only represented guilty people, as the innocent could not afford his services.

Watching the time tick away, Emma knew that she was the last to tell her story because one always saved the strong argument for the end. The young Austrian felt sick and not only to the stomach.

“Do you need a minute?” Sebastian had whispered in her ear, which caused Emma to nod before she stood up, so she could leave for some fresh air. Sebastian wanted to come with her, but she told him to say and keep her updated.

The young Austrian leaned against the wall of the courthouse getting her phone from her pocket. By god, she wished she would smoke. At least it would have been something to do. Looking down at the screen again, Emma decided she would just call him. After a few rings, he picked up.

“Hey, Liefje. I didn't think you were gonna call me until tonight. What’s the matter?” Max just came back from a run with his trainer to clear his mind. He walked through their apartment. Looking for a towel, so he could get rid of the sweat, before sitting down at the edge of the sofa, listening closely to what Emma told him.

“Max, I can’t. When I go back in there … they expect me to tell them what happened. How am I supposed to tell complete strangers what happened if I am not even ready to tell you and my best friends?” Emma’s breath got caught in her throat. She leaned against the wall with her back, before she slowly slid down. Sitting on the ground she pressed her phone against her ear while resting her head on her knees.

“Emma, hey. Okay! You need to do something for me okay, baby? Can you, please? You need to breathe with me. In and out. That’s it.” Max's voice helped her calm down again. He spoke so steady and breath with her until her breath was back to normal. They sat in silence for a few minutes just breathing until Emma broke the silence.

“Did you just call me baby?” The young Austrian asked with a little smile on her face, as she finally caught her breath.

“Really, that’s the only thing I said which is of importance to you? … Do you want to tell me now? Like a practice run or something?” Max questioned but Emma knew that telling Max was a challenge for another day. A day with a lot of alcohol and tissues.

“Nah. Can’t get emotional now. I need my badass race drive self to do this.” Max smiled at that. He somehow felt honoured that he was one of the few, who were also allowed to see Emma when she was vulnerable and needed someone to take care of her.

“I’m sure she’s already waiting for her big entrance.” Max joked, which caused Emma to affectionately roll her eyes.

She was about to reply as she saw Fernando and his lawyer a few feet away from her. So, the hearing was suspended. “I'm gonna hang up now.” She told Max, not really listening to what he answered, but she would call him later to apologise for her being rude. 

Emma got up from the floor and brushed the tears away, which have gathered as she panicked earlier. The young Austrian walked over to Fernando and his lawyer, her eyes only on the Spaniard. The last time she had spoken to him still fresh in her mind. This time there was no Max to get involved if she needed help, but Emma was pretty sure Fernando wasn’t stupid enough to try something right now. He seemed like he had understood the seriousness of the situation he was in. She had seen it in his eyes. Fernando feared what could happen when Emma told her story on top of what all the other women have told them. She was the only one with prove.

“Can I speak with Fernando for a moment? Alone.” She asked the lawyer and the guy looked uncomfortable, but Fernando nodded at the guy before he let the way over to a more secure area, so they could speak.

“I don’t see a point in you going to jail,” Emma told the Spaniard, which caused him to lift an eyebrow at her in question. It’s was new.

“All these women hope you will bring them justice,” Fernando said carefully. He knew he didn’t need to clarify that to Emma, the young girl knew, but he wanted to know what she was up to. Him not going to jail meant that Emma would stay silent or even better tell a story in his favour, but he wasn’t sure she would go that far.

“Justice is of little comfort. You going to jail will change nothing. Not what you’ve done or what people will think. All it gives us is the certainty that we have destroyed your life as you have destroyed ours. My problem is, you didn't destroy my life, not to the extent where I couldn’t restore it again, but this trail could.” Emma told him, which actually raised his interest in this conversation.

“What are you suggesting?” He asked as he looked around. The other women were gathering around their lawyer not that far away. All starting at him with hateful eyes while they carefully watched Emma. He wondered if they knew that Emma was ready to sell them to the devil for a better outcome for her. Well, she was a Lauda after all.

“I suggest nothing,” Emma told him, starring in the distance. “All I’m saying is that it would be to both our benefit that you win this trial, and all charges are dropped.” Emma was choosing her words very nicely, what she really meant was that she couldn’t make a testimony without hurting herself, so she would reach out a hand to Fernando, so she would get at least something when she refused to say anything at all.

“You won’t let me of the hook that easily.” Fernando checked.

“Course not. Let’s just say the time to call in favour will come, and I would rather like to have some people own me when it comes to it.” Emma looked up towards the main entrance of the building. Sebastian and Lewis were keeping their distance but both men were ready to get involved at any moment if needed.

“You mean a puppet.” Fernando accused, but Emma didn’t look at him. Her eyes at Lewis and Sebastian.

“Call it what you want. As long as you understand that your ass belongs to me when I ask if you don't want to end up in prison.” She said before she glanced at him. “Think about it and let me know. Maybe before I tell the jury what you did to me. I think I even have some nice pictures to show.” She added before she walked over to Lewis and Sebastian, not caring what Fernando would do now.

Lewis watched her come closer while he shared a confused glance with Sebastian. They both understood that the girl was up to something and they weren’t sure it was a good idea.

“Hey. What was that?” Lewis asked as he gave Emma her handbag, which she had left with the boys before, as she left the court.

“Nothing,” Emma replied, checking her watch, before asking Sebastian if it was already time to go back again or if they had something like a lunch break.

“Emma.” Lewis insisted, which caused the young Austrian to roll her eyes before she answered.

“Trust me. I know what I’m doing.” She told him, while Sebastian asked about her wellbeing. The two German-speaking drivers were already back on their way inside, while Lewis mumbled to himself. 

“Not even god knows what you’re doing, Emma.”


	38. Not the right, but only way.

# Chapter 38: Not the right, but only way.

Being back in court Emma felt uncomfortable with her decision. She wanted justice but she couldn’t allow the other women to get justice in exchange to her good name, carrier and life like she knew it. This wasn’t a deal Emma was willing to get along with.

Maybe this one decision will hunt her for the rest of her life, but right now it was not the right but only decision she could make. She wouldn’t sacrifice herself for a bunch of women she didn’t even know that well.

Yes, they all had a similar story with the same baddy but other than that there was nothing else. Emma was too stubborn to allow Fernando to ruin her life. Maybe she just had the right help. The right colleagues at work and friends who didn't look away. The family that will support her no matter what. The boyfriend who was nothing but loving and patient.

Well, scratch that. There was no boyfriend.

Emma watched as the lawyer concluded what had happened before the short break, but soon or later her eyes always land on Fernando. Emma wondered if he regrated what he had done. She wondered if it was just fear for his carrier and reputation or if there was at least a little bit of regret in his eyes. Regret the suffering he had caused and not that he was coughed.

Probably she shouldn’t hold her word towards him. Perhaps she should let him burn in hell alone, but Emma knew that it wouldn’t help her find peace and she was sure that all these 13 women won’t feel different either.

Maybe she thought that way because she was not yet so far in her accomplishment of this situation. Emma didn’t know.

Not the right but only way.

* * *

Fernando understood that nothing was going according to plan. His lawyer had promised that these women had nothing in hand against him, which was true, but there were destroying his reputation. His only hope was that Emma would take his side, so he decided to accept her offer. Locking eyes with the young Austrian, Fernando nodded defeated, which caused Emma to lift the corner of her mouth into a small smirk. Not visible to most of those present but Fernando saw that she understood.

“Ms Lauda.” The judge began to speak, causing Emma to look up at him. “May you tell us your side of the story.” Fernando watched Emma with an intense stare, but she looked right back at him. Everybody in the room saw that they were staring at each other while Emma Lauda thought about what she should tell or better shouldn’t tell. Until she looked away, towards the judge.

“There is none. Erin is a reporter I met around the circus. She warned me about Fernando, but I never had reason to be afraid of Fernando.” She told self-confident as if it were something quite normal for her to have to testify against someone in court.

Erin couldn’t believe her ears. This wasn’t going according to plan and she just couldn’t keep still. “Liar. We all have seen the state you were in at Sochi. You’ve just talked to him outside! What had he said to you!?” She screamed but Emma wasn’t faced by that. It didn’t bother her, or at least it seemed like it didn’t. On the inside, it tore her apart. But this was a you or me situation and Emma had made a decision.

“Quiet.” The judge screamed while hammering around like crazy. The mumbling from the people in court quieted down a bit.

Sebastian watched with worry. It was Emma’s decision after all, even if he wanted her to tell the truth, it wasn’t his place to force anything upon Emma, but he could read in Lewis body language that he wasn’t happy that the young Austrian had followed his lovers advise to lie rather then to do the honourable thing.

“I don’t wish to press charge.” Emma clarified, which caused Erin to stand up again, but this time her lawyer was fast to get her back to her seat, without disturbing the hearing.

The judge looked at the young girl before he nodded carefully. “Ms Lauda, I wish to remind you that Mr Alonso will be declared innocent without your statement and some proof from you. You understand that, don’t you?”

“I’m aware of that your Honour. I do not wish to press charge.” She repeated herself, as Erin got up from her seat once again. A third and final time. The woman was determined to get the young Austrian to confess.

She run up to the girl and got hold of her arm before she fell down to her knees and begged Emma for the truth. The truth the young Austrian had decided, she would never tell.

“No, no! Emma! Emma please, tell them the truth. Please, I know you’re scared about what the media, the fans, the FIA will think about you. But please, it’s the only way to punish him for what he did! For what he did to us. Please! Emma tell them!”

_Not the right but only way._

* * *

The pronouncement of judgment was the last piece of this nightmare before everything would be over and Emma could finally close this chapter of her life. She could look forward to Christmas with her parents in Vienna and a nice skiing holiday. Something to take things from her mind.

Maybe she could rearrange the situation with Max. Perhaps she could stay with him, but not as his flatmate but … ~~girlfriend~~ something else. Thinking of the future didn’t scare her as much as it did without Max in it.

Looking around the room, Emma wanted to call Max again, but Sebastian and Lewis had kept her close company this time. So, she wouldn’t do anything stupid. The possibility was high that she already had done something stupid.

“Tell me! Why didn’t you tell them?! Now he can walk away like nothing ever happened!” Erin screamed at Emma as soon as she saw her while the lawyer did his best to hold her back.

“I can’t help you, Erin. I would have told you that would you have asked me before you pressed charge without any proof other than me.” Emma said, but that only angered the other woman further.

“You covered for him. Told the judge that he was innocent. The girl I met in Sochi would have never done that … not without the right benefit for her. What was in it for you?”

“Erin you should go home. To your son and husband.” Emma tried her best to stay calm. She knew that Sebastian and Lewis were ready to defend her at any point, even though they didn’t agree with what she did.

“It wasn’t money. You have enough yourself. I can’t think of anything Fernando could offer you for your protection.” The older woman was in deep despair. She could understand Emma’s decision to present Fernando Alonso of all people with her loyalty not after what he did to that girl. 

“There is nothing.” Emma insisted but Erin was having none of it.

“We all saw you. We all know it was Fernando, and we all know you lied. It’s your fault that he is still walking around freely. He will do it again and it will all be on you!” Emma swallowed slowly as the other woman stormed away.

Well, what was done was done. She couldn’t go back on her own word now, not without serious consequences for lying. Only the future will tell if she had done the right thing. She hated to think like that.

* * *

“You have defiled her soul!” Lewis accused as soon as he walked into the bedroom where his lover was currently curled up in the white blankets with a pillow in his arm and Roscoe on his other side where normally Lewis slept.

“God! What?” Nico asked confused and disturbed as Lewis turned on the light without any mercy. Rolling over to cuddle the dog closer to himself and hiding his face in the blanket Nico told Lewis to shut off the light again, but Lewis wasn’t having any of it.

“She was a good, sweet little girl. Always honest and so innocent and you ruined her.” Lewis faulted again, as he pulled the blanket away from the German, which caused him to look up at Lewis, really really pissed, but the Brit didn’t care.

Nico tried to wake up as fast as possible as soon as he understood that Lewis wasn’t about to just let him sleep until he was happy which could take some time. So, the German decided to sit up, after glancing at the clock. Already planning Lewis funeral.

“Please don’t say I ruin sweet little girls,” Nico told his lover while brushing his hand over his face in the hope it will wake his faster, but Lewis just starred him down, while Nico pulled Roscoe on his lap. As long as Lewis refused to just quietly crawl in bed with Nico like every normal human being would have done, he needed to cuddle with the dog for warmth. Which wouldn’t be a problem at all wouldn’t he drool so much.

“Don’t joke about this,” Lewis warned him dangerously low, which caused Nico to get angry as well. He was the one who was woken in the middle of the night without any real reason.

“I wasn’t joking,” Nico replied seriously. As Lewis paced up and down in the bedroom, before deciding to get rid of his cloth. Upon seeing that, Nico dropped back on his pillow, ready to fall asleep but the watch Lewis had trough at his belly, caused him to sit up again.

“Aua, you asshole! What’s your problem? Huh?” Nico wanted to know but when he thought about it, he really didn’t want to know.

Lewis sat down at his side of the bed, which Roscoe watched the conversation his human had while they actually should be asleep. “You! You told Emma to lie and she did. Fernando is free and after hearing what he did to all these women, I’m just so angry at you! She would have never even thought about not saying the truth without your encouragement!”

Nico rolled his eyes before he reached out and pulled Lewis into a lying position. The Brit wanted to object but as Roscoe cuddled in between them he just couldn’t get up from the bad again. When his baby demanded some snuggles, then he got some.

“Of course, she would have. Emma’s not stupid. She understood right from the beginning what this trail meant for her.” Nico told Lewis, his voice much lower now.

“She was innocent and now you planted some mischief in her soul, Nico. If this has consequences, I will never forgive you!” The Brit told his lover but they both knew he was trying to bullshit Nico and at the moment the German couldn’t care any less.

“You’re such a drama Queen! Why can’t we just talk about this tomorrow like normal adults would do? In the fucking morning! For god’s sake! Let me sleep!” Nico cuddled up to Lewis, his arm thrown over Roscoe and their feet tangled together. He kissed Lewis lips after the Brit had turned around to turn off the light. Well, they definitely would talk tomorrow about this again. Before Nico had his morning coffee, that was for sure.


	39. Sticks and Stones …

## Chapter 39: Sticks and Stones …

This was a stupid idea. Max knew it as soon as he had moved his neck in that way during the training. Jack had taken care of it afterwards, but it was still injured. Rolling his shoulders, Max tried his best to lift some tension from his neck, but nothing helped. He should have listened to Jack as he told Max that it was enough training for the day, but with Emma gone, he really needed something to take his mind of her and training was his go to. He never thought he would hurt himself while working out.

After he finished his shower and still wasn’t feeling better, he decided to call it an early night. Emma had texted him that she would come home sometime middle in the night just so they could fly out to Abu Dhabi together tomorrow, so there wasn’t really a reason to wait up for her. He was sure she would also find the way to their bed without him guiding her to it.

A muffled noise in the middle of the night woke Max. The startled movement wasn’t something his neck approved of, which caused Max to moan in pain, as the door to the bedroom opened, only the light from the corridor illuminating the bedroom.

“God, what are you doing?” Emma asked quietly as she left her bag in the doorway, which would cause a problem tomorrow morning like always, but Max wasn’t in the mood to tell her to store her things away properly. 

“Nothing. I injured my neck while training.” Max replied as Emma sat down next to him on the bed. She still wore her jacket and shoes. Sometimes Max could murder her.

Emma smiled tenderly, before gently placing her hand on each side of Max's neck, which caused the Dutchman to moan in pain again.

“That’s not looking good. You’re sure you can drive in a few days? The flight won’t help either.” Max rolled his eyes, before reaching out for Emma and pulling her down against his chest. Emma chuckled as Max told her that his injured neck was all her fault because she wasn’t at home to properly entertain him.

Max let go of Emma, so she could get rid of the clothes she was wearing. Max watched her as Emma got rid of her clothes, knowing fully well that he was watching her, she put on a little show until she was only wearing her underwear. She reached behind her to open the bra, but got up and away before she actually could remove it. Max moaned again, a little bit in frustration and in pain because he tried to turn his head so he could follow Emma’s movements.

The young Austrian came back in one of Max’s Red Bull shirts and a pair of his black boxer shorts after she had turned off the corridor light. Max couldn’t see her but he clearly heard the noise that indicated that Emma has fallen victim to her own bag.

“You’re good?” Max asked into the darkness, only occasionally hearing some German swearwords until the bed dipped under Emma’s weight. “Has Red Bull a second reserve driver you guy could lend us?” Emma questioned, which caused Max to turn on the bedside table lamp. Looking her over, Emma sat right next to her, rubbing her wrist.

“Let me take a look,” Max told her, before checking her wrist over. She could move it just fine, so it wasn’t anything serious. Max told her exactly that before he pressed a kiss against her wrist, which caused Emma to smile. She wondered if they were together. Tending to your injuries at 3 o clock in the morning wasn’t something you did with your flatmate you also slept with. Right?

“You want to talk about the trail?” Max questioned carefully but Emma just shook her head.

“Definitely not.”

"For once, just shut up and let me do something for you." Brushing her fingers ever so slightly through Max's hair, Emma waited for Max to tell her to go on. The Dutch searched her eyes before nodding. He got rid of his shirt before he carefully turned around, so he was laying on his belly.

Emma watched as Max rested his head back on his arms, before climbing on his lower back. Careful not to hurt the Dutch. She reached out for the oil she had put on the nightstand. The lavender scent wasn't really helping Max bruised skin, but Emma knew what effect it had on the Dutchman. She liked to put some of this sent on when Max's couldn't sleep or was extra restless during the night. It always helped him to relax. It reminded him that he was with Emma, his father nowhere near him. Safe in their little domestic bubble. 

She put some of the oil on her hands before carefully resting her hands on Max's shoulders. Checking for his reaction but his muscles didn't tense underneath her touch. So, she worked Max's sore muscles, wandering up and down between his shoulders and neck to lift the tension.

“Is this going to end in sex? Just so I know not to fall asleep.” Max said, which caused Emma to smile while rolling her eyes.

“Haven’t you injured your neck?”

“You could do all the work.” He suggested. Emma was sure if they slept with each other now, Max would have to call in sick for Abu Dhabi. There was no chance he would be flying over if his injure got any worse.

Emma leaned down with a smile, before whispering into Max’s ear. “Oh, baby. We both know you couldn’t take it.”

“Such a tease,” Max muttered back.

Emma rolled her eyes again, still working on Max back until she felt that most of the tension has left his shoulders and neck. Emma climbed into her own side of the bed before helping Max to turn around again. “I thought about the apartment thing. I would like to stay if you will still have me.”

“Ah, well you know. Daniel always wanted to take your place at my side.“ Max joked before he looked over at Emma. The young Austrian somewhat seemed unsure, which caused Max to pull her into a kiss.

“You can stay as long as you want.” He whispered against her lips, as Emma settled down her head on his chest.

“I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

“That’s not even possible.” The young Dutch promised her with an amused laugh.

“Well, then I would like to speak about the extra space in the closet you talked about.”

* * *

Emma decided that getting drunk with Sebastian and Lewis was her favourite thing to do. Nothing else mattered, just the three of them celebrating Lewis next world champion title. He had an insane amount on won titles, the young Austrian might never be able to match but right now Emma couldn’t care less. 

She didn’t care about her own result, even though top five for a rookie was fucking brilliant. Her time with McLaren was over, but Emma was pleased that Lando Norris would take her seat. The young Brit deserved the world. And she would start over new at Red Bull, with Max by her side. Well, get ready for some drama. 

Sebastian struggled a little bit with letting go. Especially because he didn’t only had to let go of this season but also of his teammate and friend, which caused the German to have a hard time. Sadly, but that’s how their world worked. The day will come when Lewis wins his last championship and Seb drives the last lap on in his final race. Time didn’t stop for them and being reminded of this fact hurt sometimes. Somehow it was kind of funny, Emma was just at the beginning of her carrier while her most trusted friends already thought about retiring in a few seasons. But none of this was a topic to think about right now.

Emma felt good, the music was decent, the people kept their respectful distance to her, and the atmosphere was amazing. For what more could she wish right now. Well, other than the Dutch driver, who was seated at the other end of the bar, drinking away his body weight in a weirdly coloured cocktail with his soon to be ex-teammate. Maybe she should go over, say hello to her new team and congratulate them on their season as well.

She was about to do just that as Lewis pressed into her private space and gave her another bottle of beer. Telling her something about Roscoe, but she could make out the meaning of his words. He was either drunk or he switched to a language Emma didn’t speak. She decided not to question the matter.

Emma watched as Lewis walked back over to the bar. Telling the barkeeper something. Smiling at the scene the ex-McLaren driver took a sip from the beer and did her best not to spit it out again. She wasn’t a fan of the thing the locals called beer, but she wouldn’t complain. Sebastian eyed her suspicious which caused her to swallow the moth full of horrible beer, before giving him a thumbs-up, which caused the German to laugh like it was the most hilarious thing he had ever seen.

“Drink something else. That stuff is close to self-torture.” The German told her, which caused Emma to laugh. The younger one was so coughed up in Sebastian and her conversation, that she didn’t notice that Christian Horner had turned around rather abruptly at the sound of her laughing.

Christian furrowed his brows in confusion. Emma’s laugh was so similar to the one he had to hear this one time he had called Max in the morning where the Dutch should have been in the simulator and not in bed with some random girl. Well, seems like the girl wasn’t so random at all. The team principal couldn’t wrap his head around the idea that his star driver and his newest addition to his collection of soon to be champions had something with each other.

Emma Lauda and Max Verstappen. The media would have a field day. Tow drivers, teammates, Christian would never hear the end of it. Something like this has never happened before. Well, in reality, he was sure something like this had actually happened before, Christian had some educated guesses, but it was never confirmed. Maybe he should ask Toto what to do, but how without in fact telling him what he suspected.

Christian watched the young Austrian for a little while. She smiled and laugh at almost everything Sebastian had whispered in her ear. He could understand that Max was attracted to her. She was astonishingly beautiful, more intelligent than for her own good and as hot-headed as the Dutchman.

Christian knew that the two were a good match, which is why he also suggested the young Austrian to Doctor Marko. Emma could easily give Max a good jab and that's exactly what he needed. Max needed the challenge to rise above himself. A tame teammate would not do him any good. But Emma, she was anything but tame, she fitted in not only with the team but also with Max, which worried Christian now. His ambitions came back to bite him in the ass.

He has practically chosen the perfect girlfriend for Max without realising it. He should have known it was a stupid decision. Both were young and still almost teenagers, of course, they would have ended up in bed together sooner or later. He knew Max and his tales of ladies. He just didn't think Emma would ever get involved with him.

Well, at least they were legal, one thing less to worry about.

Daniel followed Christian glance before he nagged his shoulder. “A little bit young for you. Don’t know what your wife would say about that either, man.” The Aussie teased, but as soon as he saw the serious expression on the Brit’s face his smile faltered.

“I’m not the one with the affaire.” He replied simply, which caused the Aussie to turn fully to his boss.

“You mean Seb?! Are you insane?” Daniel knew what it looked like. Emma was hanging on the German’s arm, laughing and joking around but Sebastian Vettel would never ever cheat on the mother of his children. He was a good guy, the only one Daniel knew with a real stable relationship and Daniel was sure he would never get involved with Emma in this kind. She was a fucking teenager. A hot one but still.

“No. I don’t mean Sebastian.” Christian said, thinking about it before he decided that Daniel was far too loyal towards Max to ever say something to the press. He turned around and meaningful looked at Max, who was busy drinking with his race engineer GP, who tried his hardest to maintain in control of how many drinks his young protégé had. Daniel coughed on what Cristian tried to tell him but had to giggle.

“Come on. I love him, but Max isn’t the fateful kind of guy. We both know that he has more than one girl around. Max lacks the emotional endurance for an affair.”

Normally Christian would agree with Daniel, but he hadn’t seen Max snug a girl in a dark corner on a race weekend, in a club or on the track for quite some time. He remembered Baku, where the young driver disappeared with two girls after his DNF but was that truly the last time?

“You’ve seen some of them lately?” Christian asked and hopped Daniel would say yes. It was kind of nice that both of his drivers lived in the same apartment complex. So, maybe Daniel knew something he didn’t.

“Ehm, well no.” Daniel shrugged. Now that he thought about it. He hadn’t seen one of the girls Max likes to spend his time with for quite some time. But there was the bright orange McLaren, which stood on Max’s second parking slot in the garage almost every time when he came home late. He thought nothing of it. Maybe Max had bought himself a McLaren and hadn’t told Daniel about it, so he wouldn’t tell Christian by accident that his star driver, drove the enemy’s car in his free time. The possibility that it was Emma's car was much more likely.

“You think she will help him settle down?” Daniel asked Christian, who shrugged in return.

“He’s calmer lately, isn’t he?”

“If you’re right and they’re a thing, there will be hell to pay when they break up. They will start a garage war and you and the team are in the middle of it all.” Daniel noted, which caused Christian to take a sip from his drink.

“I know.”

“Wow. I never thought I would be this glad, that I left Red Bull.” The Aussie joked.

“Funny,” Christian told Daniel. Ready to change the topic, but Daniel wasn’t finished yet. After a few seconds of silence, he spoke again.

“Christian. You need to take care of him. Emma … she will get over it. She has an army of friends and supportive parents. He doesn’t. When she breaks his heart, I doubt he will open up to anybody… If he really loves her, he will struggle not to drown.”

Daniel looked over to where Max was seated. Still drinking these awful cocktails. He seemed happy, but he wondered for how long when he really got involved with Emma Lauda. She was a nice girl, but she was also a known heartbreaker.


	40. … break my bones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hello.  
> It took me some time to decide in which direction I want to go with this now, but I finally made a decision. So, something new to read for you guys and I hope you like it.  
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated.

# Chapter 40: … break my bones

Sebastian leaned forward so Emma could hear him over the blasting music. Telling her that he would go over to Kimi for a bit and to keep an eye on their new world champion, which caused the young one to nod, before she told Sebastian to just enjoy life for a bit. Tomorrow he can worry again but tonight they were free and alive.

Humming to herself to the melody of the song Emma smiled as she saw Nico in the crowd, she was glad that he could make it to the party, but her smile soon faltered as she realised the way Lewis was checking the German out. By now she had no idea what the two of them had with each other, but as long as they were happy, she was happy as well, or at least that’s what she told herself.

Deep down the youngest Lauda knew that Lewis and Nico would never happen. Not the way they wanted to. Time waits for nobody and when you miss the right moment, if you let go of your shot, the window is closed. And ultimately it stays closed.

Emma loved her friends more than anything and that will never change, but who was she to pick a side, should it go south again? Lewis or Nico, Emma was never wanted to choose between her friends, they forced her too. Back in 2016. It was Nico who had told her, to take Lewis side in all this, because he couldn’t. Because Lewis needed her more than ever, if he was to lose Nico.

“Dance with me!” She heard Lewis voice right next to her ear, snapping her out of her own thoughts, which caused Emma to grin at him, before she let him lead her towards the dance floor, where a lot of people were already dancing. Emma saw a lot of familiar faces around her, while Lewis turned her in various directions before pulling her back against his chest.

The young Austrian knew that Lewis tried to put on a show for Nico and at first, she wasn’t too bothered by that. If Lewis used her to tease Nico, she could use him to tease Max. But Emma always worried to a certain extend.

“Bis einer weint.” The soon to be Red Bull driver muttered the words one of her teacher at boarding school always used to say, under her breath, but Lewis couldn’t catch it, even though he was that close to her. The music that blared through the speakers was way too deafening.

Watching the way Lewis intentional put on a show for Nico, Emma realised that there doesn’t always have to be a cage to keep someone locked in. Sometimes memories are the strongest form of imprisonment. The young Lauda was curious if the Nico and Lewis of their memories still existed, or if they were long gone. Maybe they were always like that, always the same and the mists of time made days long gone shine brighter than they ever were.

Emma was younger than the two of them, but she had not been as naive and open-minded as she would have liked to be for a long time. Emma had learned her lessons. One way or the other. Well, if she's learned anything, it's that you should remember that the ghosts of the past are best kept buried away because once morning comes their shadows always burn.

“Is he watching?” Emma asked biting her lips. Her voice bitter and her eyes searching Lewis’s, as the Brit pulled her flush against his chest, his hands on her hips, swaying slowly to the music. If he did notice, he did not comment on it. Emma wondered what it looked like to other people, that they danced with each other like this. That Lewis was, in reality, gay and very much so was one of his little secrets. The luxury of the successful is to have them.

“When isn’t he?” Lewis replied, looking over where Nico was standing at the bar, coincidentally right next to Max, while he tried his best to actually make conversation with the Aussie, who accompanied his teammate. Lewis enjoyed the jealous glances and the way his target clearly couldn’t focus on even one word the Aussie told him. His brown eyes lingered a little bit longer on the German, before he took notice of the Dutch driver sitting right next to them, with his eyes more than occasionally on them.

“Seems like I’m not the only one who’s playing with their prey,” Lewis whispered, which caused Emma to snicker.

“He’s not my prey. But thanks for noticing.” She retorted.

Pulling her hands around Lewis's neck, she watched Nico going mad with jealousy over the Brit’s shoulder. The German tried his best to maintain his cool, but he failed miserably. Emma laughed against Lewis's neck as she saw Daniels confused glance.

“What’s so funny?” Lewis wanted to know.

“I believe Daniel thinks Nico is looking at me.” She told him, before she met the Dutch’s glance. Max was tipsy, but he had sobered up a little bit after Daniel gave him a glass of water and told him to take a little break for once, before he looked away, focusing at something Daniel must have said, because Nico turned to him as well.

* * *

“What do all these guys have with Emma today?” He questioned, testing the waters with Max. He really wanted to know if his teammate had something with the young Austrian, so he decided to carefully push the conversation in the right direction and thankfully the Austrian herself and Lewis were assisting him greatly.

“What’s this supposed to mean?” Max asked confused but not as grumpy as Daniel would have expected him to. He was curious, not jealous or petty. The younger Red Bull driver apparently didn’t see any problem. Emma was just enjoying herself with her friends. If she had wanted to do something with Lewis or Seb it would have happened already years ago. Okay, maybe not years because Emma had turned eighteen just this year, but Max wasn’t jealous. The Dutch wasn’t worried about the other men at all.

“At first Seb, then Christian and now Lewis. They all look at her like they want to eat her for dessert.” Daniel said. Well, a bit exaggerated but the boys understood what he wanted to say.

“Lewis doesn’t,” Nico said surly and a little bit too fast to appear casual. “I mean they’re friends. He would never touch her. … Seb neither!” He added to make it a little bit less suspicious, but Daniel and Max looked at him with daring glances. Hench, Daniel tried to get such a reaction from Max, but it was quite entertaining, to get the German to react in this way.

“God, don’t look at me like that Ricciardo, you get what I’m trying to say.” Nico tried again, but it was only getting worse, which Nico realised as he heard Max snicker and Daniel giggle like a schoolgirl.

“Defending your lover?” Daniel challenged, which caused Nico to take a sip from his drink. Later, he might murder Lewis for making him come to his stupid party.

* * *

“What the hell are they doing?” Emma asked Lewis, who was watching the three men at the bar as well.

“No idea, but they’re supposed to give me their attention!” Lewis complained already thinking about a way to get their attention back, as Emma took a step back and looked at him annoyed.

“Excuse me!?” The youngest Lauda called out, her hands folded over her chest now.

“Us.” Lewis corrected himself, without even turning around to look at his friend. His eyes were focused on someone entirely else, before he decided that attack was the best strategy. He took Emma’s hand in his, before pulling her over to the bar, right in front of the three men.

“Excuse me?! You’re supposed to watch me!” Lewis told Nico while japing his finger into his chest, which caused Daniel and Max just to laugh some more at the bewildered expression of the German.

“Am I a joke to you?” The young driver asked Lewis, who glanced at her shortly, before he exhaled a little bit annoyed.

“US.” He said with a very clear emphasis before repeating the sentence again. “You’re supposed to watch US.” He told Nico, before he turned around, facing Emma again.

“Are you happy now?” He quizzed, which caused the Austrian girl to roll her eyes again.

“I need new friends,” Emma whispered under her breath, as Lewis gave his undivided attention back to Nico. Japing his finger into his chest some more.

“So, what do you have to say for yourself?” The Brit demanded to know.

Nico was blushing and glanced over to Emma, looking for help, but the young Austrian only freed herself from Lewis. “Don’t mind me, just watching.” She told Nico, before taking the seat next to Max, Daniel was offering her.

“Now you’re just watching,” Lewis murmured under his breath, while turning on his heel and walking over to Seb and Kimi, Nico hot on his tail.

“So,” Daniel stressed the word to get Emma’s full attention. Maybe the Austrian, who will take his seat would give him some more to work with then Max. “Who did you try to make jealous?” Daniel asked her, while watching Nico and Lewis banter, now next to Kimi, who looked as unbothered as ever and Seb, who tried his best to mediate the quarrel.

“Why, are you jealous?” Emma challenged, Daniel. Max just leaned back and watched the show. He knew Emma better than most and this surely would get interesting. Daniel vs. Emma. A show worth watching.

“Of you or Lewis?”

“Depends.”

“On what?”

“Whether you're gay or not.” Well, Daniel hadn’t thought this conversation would go in that kind of direction, but the Aussie was confident in his sexuality and he loved to take the piss out of people.

“I would say it depends on whether you’re nice or not,” Daniel whispered in her ear, which caused Max to tense next to her. Maybe there was something between them after all. Daniel was about lean back, give the girl a way out, but Emma got him by the collar of his shirt. She starred at his lips, which actually got him to look down at her lips as well, before she leaned in to whisper in his ear. “I’m never nice.” Before she pushed him back again.

Maybe Max wouldn’t enjoy the show. This clearly wasn’t going according to plan or rather expectations. Max wasn’t comfortable with the sexual tension between Emma and Daniel, even though he was sure Emma simply played with the Aussie, which is why he stood up and emptied the last pit of his cocktail.

“Since you guys are busy with each other anyway and the married couple is fighting, I'm gonna take off. See you guys on the flight back.”

“Come on Max we were just fooling around.” _I’m not trying to take your girl. I never would._ He didn’t say it, but his body language told the other two. Daniel tried to stop Max from leaving. He just wanted to know if there is something between the two of them. He didn’t want to be the reason for a fight.

“Yeah, but he’s right. I’m also heading back. Might be nice to not go alone, at 3 o clock in a foreign city.” Emma said, getting up from her seat as well and weaving at Sebastian, who was still sitting with Kimi and trying to stop Nico and Lewis from arguing. So the German wouldn’t search for her later. Sebastian nodded and showed her an approving thumbs-up, before waving goodbye.

“Well come on then. I bring you back.” Max told her, taking her hand in his, so he wouldn’t lose her while walking through the club. Emma was fast to ask Daniel to tell Lewis as well that she was heading back with Max, before saying goodbye to him as well.

Getting his denim jacket from the woman at the coat check, Emma waited next to the exit, which was only a few feet’s away. She had decided that she wouldn’t need a jacket tonight. Emma leaned against the wall, checking Max out, as he came closer, with his jacket now casual over his shoulder.

“Hey there stranger,” Emma stated, her smile only dedicated to the man in front of her but Max’s wore a frown.

“You’re not really angry at me for flirting with Dan, are you?” She wanted to know, which caused Max to shake his head, before walking out of the club and into the cold night.

“How could I be? You’re not my girlfriend. We’re not together.” He called over his shoulder, which caused Emma to start walking as well. It wasn’t that easy to keep up with Max in her black pumps. The Dutchman slowed down a little bit, so she could catch up with him easier. He wasn’t amused with her at the moment, but that was no reason to walk away.

“Doesn’t mean you’re not jealous.” Emma shot back, as soon as she had reached Max.

“I’m not the jealous type of guy, or the fateful. You should know that, before you think we’re more.” Max informed her.

Emma wondered what was wrong between them out of the sudden. Maybe someone had said something to Max about them, but they barely spoke on race weekends because of exactly this reason, there was no justification for them to believe that there was anything.

Emma liked the way it was. It was easy. Well, until right now. Emma wasn’t used to dealing with the difficult side of Max. She was the one, who was allowed to see his soft side, his vulnerable side, his heart. Now he’s showing his teeth. He is a lion after all, just because he allows her to see his tame side, doesn’t mean he is a kitten.

Emma swallowed slowly, suppressing the urge to run away. She always runs away when things got complicated or it was time to show colour. There is all this fear around being hurt. Hurt by feelings, by loving. Knowing that love could be unanswered or worse, given and then taken away. Emma was afraid of love, but what else can you expect from a girl that tries to perfect imperfections and waters dead plants. 

The young Austrian stopped dead in her tracks, causing the Dutchman to stop as well. Exhaling softly, Max turned around to her. An eyebrow raised at her, expecting her to say something and Emma did.

“I didn’t know you had a side bitch the last six months,” Emma spoke, before she started walking again. This time it was her, who has left the other one behind.

“Jealous?” Max called out to her, which let her huff out a “No.”. The Dutchman was fast to get a hold of her arm and pulled her towards him. Her back pressed against the façade of a building.

“Do you want a relationship?” Max wanted to know, while he searched her stormy blue eyes for something.

“Maybe. If you can manage to stay fateful long enough.” Emma shot back, freeing herself from Max’s hands, but not moving away. The young Austrian was casual leaning against the façade of the building as she waited for him to say something.

“Well, when it’s worth it.” Max leaned back a little bit as well. He played hard to get and it fucking annoyed Emma. He was practically already hers. As much as she was his.

“Yes or no, Max. I’m not playing games. If you can’t be fateful then a relationship has no meaning.” Emma pushed herself away from the building, but Max was fast to grasp her arm, before she could walk away.

“I can.” He promised her quieter. “I was the last six months.” The Dutchman added, as he got a hold of her face. Brushing a few strands of hair back behind her ear, while leaning his forehead against hers.

“So, no side bitch?” Emma questioned while resting her hands against his strong chest.

“God no. When would I have the time for that? You’re sleeping in my bed with me every night.” Max laughed softly, before kissing her. Emma allowed Max to pull her in for a more heated kiss, pressing her back against the façade of the building again.


End file.
